PAKI-EXPLAIN

Para Kay Behbeh:

Dear Behbeh,

Hello! Kumusta naman ang puso? Hihihi. Idadaan ko sa sulat na ito sa aking blog ang gusto kong sabihin sa yo! As if hindi tayo nag-uusap araw-araw eh no? Ganito kasi yun! Gusto kong mag explain. Kilala mo naman ako, Ayaw na ayaw ko talaga ang nageexplain. Kahit mga tula ko ayaw na ayaw kong ineexplain. Para sa akin kasi, napaka-exercise in futility sya. Kung ano ang pagkakaintindi mo, yun na yon. Maliwanag naman ang lahat eh. Kung may mga tanong ka, sinasagot ko naman sa abot ng aking makakaya. Kaya ayoko talagang mag-explain.

Kanina kasi, habang nagkakape-kape ako at kinakain-kain yung pinabili mong Krispy Kreme sa kaibigan mo, na sobrang thank you at late kasi malandi ang friend mo at inuna nyang magdate muna kahapon bago ako bilhan ng pinapabigay mo (Charing lang), chinat ako ng isa mong friend. Bestfriend mo daw sya. Ayun. Inaward nya ako, winarla nya ako at lahat lahat kasi nga, bad daw ako, pinapaasa daw kita, pa-fall, pa hard to get daw ako, and *gasp* manloloko! Niloloko daw kita. Parang gusto ko matawa at gaya ng sabi ko, ayoko nga iexplain ang sarili ko sa kanya kasi heller, bakit nga ba? Wala kaya sya sa lugar magkukuda at maghahanash ng ganun.

Pero habang pauwi ako, syempre, hindi naman makapal ang mukha ko, napag-isip isip ako kaya ito na nga, nageexplain nga ako. Hindi sa friend mo pero sa yo. Medyo mahaba-haba ito kasi nga baka makalimutan ko pag nag-usap tayo, at lagi namang nagiging outlet ko ang pagsusulat kaya ito na. Ieexplain ko na.



Una sa lahat, salamat. Ako na! Ako na ang gwapo at hot at hinahabol-habol (KAPAL!). Sobrang nakaka ego-trip specials na may isang taong naghahabol at nagkakagusto sa 'yo. Nakaka-salve sya ng pagkabitter-bitteran and evrathing! Nakakaboost sya ng morale at nakakagood vibes. Sa tutoo lang, gusto ko! Kung gusto lang ang pag-uusapan aba oo naman, gusto! Sino ba naman ang ayaw na may nagmamahal, may mamahalin, mangarap at bubuo nga mga bukas kasama ng taong nagpapahalaga sa yo di ba? GUSTO! Kaso hindi ganun ka simple yun eh. Kaya nga ako nageexplain kung bakit di ba?

Sa tutoo lang, medyo true yung sinabi ni best friend mo. Kahit ano pang sabihin natin, ganun ang lumalabas talaga. Na paasa ako, pa fall, pa hard to get. Alam mo, sana hindi nangyari ang mga nangyari sa akin bago kita nakilala. Nakakainis mang isipin, at ayoko mang gamitin yun bilang rason, ang tutoo, isang malaking bahagi talaga ang mga karanasan ng isang tao sa kung ano sya ngayon di ba? So yun. Hindi kita sinisisi. Wala ka namang kaalam alam at ka parti-partisipasyon dun sa mga kaletchehan sa buhay ko before you di ba? Kaso ganun yun eh. Natuto ako. Natuto akong magduda. Natuto akong matakaot. Alam ko hindi permanenteng ganun at lalabas at lalabas pa rin ang natural na ako, na mapagmahal at mapagtiwala, kaso, sa ngayon eh hindi eh. So yun, Ganun.



Isa pa, gusto kong makilala mo talaga ako. Gusto ko, pag sinasabi mong gusto mo ko, andun ka sa pinanggagalingan na nakita mo ang lahat lahat sa akin. Yung nakikita mo lang kasi, yung magagandang bagay sa akin. Yung mga bagay na ikamamahal. Hindi mo pa naranasan ang mga kasumpa-sumpang mga episode sa akin. Nakita mo lang na masipag ako at maraming ginagawa sa buhay. Hindi mo pa nakikita kung gaano ako ka tamad at pabaya. Nakita mo lang siguro na maayos ako manamit at mag-alaga sa sarili. Hindi mo pa nakikita ang mga dugyot no ligo for three days moment ko. Nakita mo lang na matalino ako at conversant. Hindi mo pa nararanasan ang mga bugnot moments ko na napaka-hard-headed at stubborn ako kahit alam ko mali. Nakita mo lang ang pagiging flexible at keribelles ko, hindi mo pa nararanasan ang mga bleakosities at mga very clingy moments ko na napakaimposible kong pakisamahan. Yung mga ganun! Yung mga dark side ko! Gusto ko, pag sinasabi mong gusto mo ko, yung total na ako. Yung kasama yung masasamang ugali ko, included but not limited to, na hindi ako nagtututbras, at kapag nagsusulat ako at tinatamad bumangon o umalis sa harap ng PC ay umiihi ako sa bote. EWWWWW!



Pangatlong explain, behbeh, anlaki-laki ng mundo. Anlaki-laki ng mundo mo at anlaki-laki ng mundo ko. Andami-daming kailangan gawin at umpisahan at tapusin. Inaamin ko, sa puntong ito, nasa gitna ako ng pagkarami-raming bagay bagay. Ikaw din naman. Pwede namang pagsabayin, Oo naman! Pwedeng pwede. Kahit nung last time din namana akong nainlab at naloka ay ganun din naman eh. Ganung sitwasyon din naman. Wala naman talagang perfect timing para mainlab. Pero yun  ang pinagkaiba. Hindi kasi ako inlab sa yo. Siguro inlab ako sa thought na pwede akong mainlab sa yo, kaya ito yung pangatlong explain. Sorry kasi, pinapaasa kita. Sorry kasi pinaghihintay kita kasi ako din kasi, gusto ko rin maranasan na bukas, ay shit, mahal na kita, at magsisimula na ang nakakalokang kagaguhan ko sa mundo, na hihinto na ang pag-ikot at wala na akong ibang rason kundi ikaw at ang isiping makasama ka. Kaya yun. Mali ako dun.

Hindi ako masamang tao. Alam ko kung paanong masaktan at ayaw na ayaw ko ang makasakit kaya nga siguro ako nag eexplain ngayon. Napagdaanan ko at alam na alam ko yung ganung shit. Alam mo, tama si bestfriend. Maswerte ka may ganyan kang kaibigan na handang handang makipagwarlahan para sa yo. Ingatan mo si bestfriend. Minsan ka lang nakakahanap ng ganyang klaseng tao sa buhay!

So, nasaan na ba tayo? Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko masagot. Ewan ko. Basta yun. Gusto ko lang mag explain. Sa tutoo lang, ayaw ko nang mag-isip. Isa pa yan sa mga inaakusa sa akin. I overthink a lot. Liban pa dun sa I 'overfeel' a lot. SO yun, hindi ko na alam. Hindi ko na kayang sagutin kung asan na ba at ano na ba! Basta ang gusto ko lang ay mag-explain at mag sorry sa yo. I am so Confucius! CHARAUGHTTE!

Ang gulo no? Ewan. Hindi ko alam na ano next. Hay. So yun. Salamat. Sorry.

Baka may idea ka. Baka alam mo kung anong gawin natin next. Share mo naman sa akin.

Love,

Luis Paasa

Pasok sa Jar - The Top 10 List

HELLER!

As usual, hindi na naman napanindigan ang pangakong magbabalik-loob sa blogspot! Kasi, kasi, kasi! Well, hindi na ako mageexplain, labyu!

Ayun, dahil Sunday at dahil rest day ko, yes rest day - wag naman day-off napaka-very very chimini-ah-ah-ish naman ng day-off, so yun rest day. Nakipagchikahan ako sa mga friendships ko. At dahil unang araw ng Pebrero, ano pa nga ba THE DEADLINE!

So yun! Dahil ako nga ay single ulit, at dahil isyu yun sa mga mahadera kong mga kaibigan, ako ang napagdiskitahan! Kasi nga daw, ang arte-arte ko! Kesyo ang taas taas daw ng standards ko! Kesyo pihikan ako! Kesyo andali-dali ko daw maturn-off. Excuse me! Mukhang yung mga naging ex ko yata ang dinidescribe nyo at hindi ako. Oh so ganun na nga - at dahil dun, nabuyo ako ng mga hitad na magsulat ng Top Ten List! The Pasok sa Jar Edition.

Sa tutoo lang, dapat kasi Top Ten List ito ng mga kung ano ang kinaliligwak ng mga possible chorva. o yung mga pet peeves ko. Pero dahil ako ay Customer Service Rep, dapat positive scripting daw tayey, kaya instead Top Ten ng Mga Signs and Symptoms na Pasok ka sa Jar ni Batchoy!

In other words - namumuro ka na! At pwede mo nang ma Bingo ang matamis na OO ng basagan at luhaang puso ng makatang itey! CHARAUGHTTE LANG!

Syempre dapat non-physical kasi heller, alam na ng madlang universe na bisexual ako at alam na nilang lahat na pag sa lalaki, ayoko ng straight, at mahilig ako sa chubby, singkit, matangkad, maputi, slightly mabalahibo, maganda at bilugan ang binti, and all that jazz. At kung girl naman, mahilig ako sa fuss-free no make up, maganda ang lips, maganda ang mata, malaki ang boobs, (sahreh naman) slightly mas matangkad ako dapat sa kanya, maganda ang smile, at medyo morena. So wit na yang mga yan. Dun daw tayo sa mga non-physical aspects.

So without further ado, itey na! Ang Top 10 Pasok sa Banga List ng Batchoy! In no particular order:

CHARMELLE! BUKSAN NA!

#10

Artsy-Fartsy Ek

Music lover ka? Nagdodrowing? Struggling Indie Artist? Tumiteatro? Or may nakatago ka lang skills in the arts na hindi mo inilalabas-labas at cloistered shit ang drama? Malamang sa malamang, teh! Mabebet kita at nakakadagdag yan sya ng mga 10,000,000 Pasok sa Jar points sa yo! Yung tortured soul shit! Mga ganun ganung drama! At mas na kapag nacomplement ng shit mo ang mga poems shit ko sa buhay jusko! Mangangarap na ako kung paano tayong mabubuhay na nagdidildil ng asin at umaasa sa shit nating mga art para mabuhay, samantalang inuulam ang letcheng pag-ibig na syang nagka-catapult sa atin sa ating mga sariling artistic greatness! CHARAUGHTTE LANG! Wiz ko bet ang mamatay na dilat sa gutom, pero how bohemian romantic shit daba? So yun! Bet ni Batchoy ang artistic shit kaya hashtag alam na!

#9  

Humor-pa-more Amore!

Kung pasok sa akin ang humor mo kahit nakakairita at jologs! Alam na this! Ewan ko ba! Malapit sa puso ko ang humor bones ko! I remember an ex. Sobrang waley na nakakairita mag-joke pero hindi ko alam kung bakit! Napapatawa nya ako at bet na bet ko ang mga kakornihan nyang jokes na nakakainsulto sa aking intelligence, pero natutuwa ako! Kaloka da ba? Pero tested and proven! Pag nahuli mo ang humor ko, malamang sa malamang, lyamado ka neng! Pakak na pakak ka jan! Swak ka sa Jar ng Batchoy! Hindi ko rin alam kung paano o anong pormula, pero basta! Trademark ng mga nakakainlaban ko yang shit na yan! They are all able to make me laugh - and of course, make me cry like hell in the end. Yun nga ang shit dun eh. Pero ganun! Basta! If I find myself laughing at your silly jokes at pagbentang benta sakin ang humor mo, malamang teh! Pasok sa Jar!

KAINAN NA!

#8 

Pick my brains

Hindi naman kailangang MENSA levels teh! Hindi naman kailangang mala-thesis defense or argumentation and debate ang leveling ng usapan teh, ayoko naman ng ganun. Pero kung naeengage mo ko ako sa usapan, at nakakapag-kape ako ng bonggang bongga pag kasama kita, malamang, bukas I love you na! Hindi naman kasi kailangan super-mega-duper opinionated ka to the Political Analyst o Commentator level. Yung tipong nachachallenge ang mga brain cells ko at naeengage ako sa usapan, kahit hindi naman intelektwal ang pinag-uusapan, keribam na! Mas maganda nga yung diverse ang topics natin. Masaya din yung marunong mag open ng topic. Yung ever slightly, kahit hindi ko bet, ay nakakahanap ng hook para mag-usap at madala sa lebel ng diskusyon ang topic kahit pa ang original na pinagmulan ay ang letcheng dambuhalang cake sa Dong-Yan Wedding. Yung mga ganun! Tapos yung may mga witty na sundot na mapapa-epiphany ako! Yung nakakasabay ako sa kahit anong topic nya at nasasabayan nya ang mga topics ko, yung ganun! YUNG RARE NA TRAIT na ganun! Bet na bet ko din, over and above a good conversationalist, is a good listener! Yung kayang irecapitulate ang gist ng mga nasabi ko na. Ayoko naman sa paintelektwal na condescending, kasi in fairness, hindi naman ako nag-gaganun! Basta, if I look forward to speaking with you again, alam na yan! In fact, most of my successful dates started out with long lengthy engaging and pleasurable discussions. Discussions teh, hindi arguments. Yung tipong I will not notice the time at hindi yung, after a few exchanges magsasabi na lang ako na, 'tara pahinga na tayo! Check in na lang?'

Yung ganun! Intellectual orgasm! Seriously, nauuna ang utak ko mainlab kesa sa puso ko at mas nauunang labasan ang utak ko kesa kay Luisito ko!

# 7 

Nocturnal

Medyo shallow sa unang tingin pero in the long run, malaking factor ito. Nocturnal ako, at hindi ko bet ang niyayayang mag breakfast or mag morning walk along the beach. Malamang sa malamang maiimbyernakels ako pag ganun! Well, hindi naman kailangan ma match ang kanocturnalan ko kasi sa true lang, bisyo ko ang paunahing matulog ang partner at pagmasdan lang at pakinggan ang kanyang mga mamusikang snores habang tulog sya sa mga bisig ko! Cinematic movie scene shit ba!

Pero seriously, medyo hirap ako sumabay pag morning person ang partner. Feeling ko, in the end, hindi ako masyadong makapag-participate sa buhay nya kasi nga, magkaiba kami ng time-zone! Yung dramang super cheery morning sunny-sunshine shit sya tapos ako bangag bangag pa sa kulang sa tulog. It does factor a lot nga for me. Lalo na yung mga aktibidades na gusto kong gawin ay nocturnal din in nature. Well ibang usapan naman na yan kung halimbawang out of town trip na mga week-ender shit na ganun. Pwede naman na yun. Wag lang araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos, ay umagang tao sya samantalang ako ay tulog, at pag gising ako , waley na sya sa buhay. Yung ganung factor!

WIT MASHOKOT! MAKIBEKI!

#6

Maadbokasiya

Don't get me wrong! Hindi ko sinasabi na kailangang tibak sya! Hindi nya kailangan mag-rally enevrathing! Ayoko din sa *shivers* vulgar Marxist! Ayoko in fact sa *ist at *isms. Ang gusto ko lang, may adbokasiyang tao! Gusto ko lang may ginagawa sya sa buhay na ipinaglalaban nya. Gusto ko lang may nirerepresenta syang repressed, oppressed at marginalized! Gusto ko lang ang may vision for a better world. Yung may cause. Yung ganun teh! Hindi kailangang lider sya na dumadalo sa mga kung saan saang komperensya sa buong mundo (but not bad). Gusto ko lang in other words ng taong may paki - yung hindi DedMadela! Yung may pusong civic at advocate. Ganun! Kasi maadbokasiya din akong tao. Hindi naman kailangang magkapareho kami ng advocacies pero kung oo, ay eh di why not! Masaya di ba! Gusto ko may pinaglalaban sya at gusto kong ipaglaban nya ang aming karapatang magmahalan! CHAROZ LUCOS! Basta yun! Ayoko sa wapakels sa lipunan teh! Yung may socio-civic consciousness! Bengga ka sa akin pag ganun! Pasok sa Jar!

#5

Touchy touch touch

I'm a very tactile and touchy person. I often communicate with a lot of touch. Pasok ka sa jar kung touchy person ka! Bonus kung out ka at hindi takot sa PDA. Hindi ko naman sinasabing maglalaplapan tayey sa loob ng Manila Cathedral habang may hawak na Placard na LOVE KNOWS NO GENDER! Ligwak yun teh! Hindi naman kailangangan magchukchakchenes sa MRT - (pero hmmmmm exciting!) CHAUZE LANG! But you get my point. Mahilig ako sa physical stimulus. Pag gusto kita, hindi ko maiwasang hawakan ka, hipuan, yakapin, and... ganern! Hahahaha! And I enjoy receiving the same attention, so ayan, give-away na yan ha! If you date me and I allow you to touch me, or I touch you frequently, alam na this! Hehehehe. Special highlight on being OUT. Ang hirap hirap kaya magkajowa ng closet. basta mahirap sya. Yun na yun. Pag ako nagmamahal, hindi ko tinatago dahil what's the point! Ang kakisigan ko ay ineexpose, so bakit mo ko tinatago sa baul! Hindi ako naging out para lang jowain at gawing Yamashita Treasure no! Revel in the light! Ganern!

Fly me to the Moon

#4

Wanderlust Lagalag

Hindi naman kailangang Dora the Explorer ang leveling o mga Relic Hunter na peg! Yung may sense of Adventure lang okay na! Mas masaya kung mahilig sya maglakad. Kasi mahilig talaga ako maglakad! Bet na bet na bet na bet ko yung naglalakad ng hapon o early night time tapos nag-uusap lang kayo habang HHWW. Diba? Three birds in one stone? Yung ganern! Yun nga, yung may sense of adventure! Masaya yun! Yung hindi OC sa travel plans. Traveller nga naman, tapos super mega-duper orteh naman, na kesyo makati ang sheets, maliit ang banyo, hindi nasa tamang direksyon ang windows and all that jazz! Bonus na din kung inaallow nya na ako ang umupo sa window side seat! Hehehehe actually, pinagpapatayan ko tong window side seat na to! Hahahahaha! Mahilig ako mag travel. Out of nowhere, kahit mag-isa lang ako. Kaya alam na this ng mga kaibigan ko pag may nabalitaan silang kasama ko bumiyahe somewhere somewhere, hindi ako nakakapagdeny. Travel is sacred to me, and I do most of my travelling alone. Mas gusto ko yun kesa magkaroon ng super shit na traveling companion, kahit sya pa nagbayad ng buong trip. Kaya pag naiisip ko o niyaya kitang magtravel, kahit sa kabilang bundok lang ng tralala, aba, alam na this! Lab na kita! Pasok ka sa Jar!

#3

The Movies

Hindi ko bet makipagdate sa sinehan. Gaya ng pagtatravel, sacred sa akin ang theater watching and movie going. Kung ang point lang naman ay makipaglampungan sa dilim, aba check in na itey. Wag sa sinehan dear. Kaya kung niyayaya kitang magsine, isa lang ang ibig sabihin nun! Swak ka sa Jar! I am trusting you enough to share that sacred space of movie viewing, trusting that you'd just hold my hand and let me lay my head on your shoulders or chest, or vice-versa. Kaya ligwak ang mga malilibog na nagnininja moves sa sinehan sakin. Prangkahin mo ko, mas mura mag 3 hours kesa mag movie, please lang! SO yun. It goes without saying na Swak sa Jar ang may appreciation sa film. Hindi naman kailangang Cineaste ang peg, o movie analyst slash critic slash afficionado. Sige na! Kahit Pinoy Movie Buff keribelles na! Basta hindi aayaw manuod ng mga mas malaman na mga films keribambolbee na!

LAFOKS!

#2

Foodie Buddy

It goes without saying. Kaya ko gusto ng chubby dahil sa rason na ito! Bet ko ang partner na food buddy ko rin. Bet ko yung food travel, while HHWW sa streets ng Saigon habang subuan peg matapos namin manuod sa Opera house! Kaloka! Five birds in one stone na yun! Pakakasalan ko na yun kung sino man sya! Hahahaha. I come from a family where food is the language of love. Walang may culinary degree sa amin kasi hindi kailangan yun, pero lahat kami nagluluto at alam ng bawat isa ang paboritong pagkain ng bawat isa! Pag masaya ka, ipagluluto ka ng bongga, pag depressdepressan ang drama mo, ipagluluto ka to make you feel better. Super Bonus ang partner na mahilig magluto. Yung adventurous sa pagkain at hindi takot sa calories! Basta ganun! Bet ko ang kaya akong hilain para mag kwek kwek sa UP Diliman o kahit sa mga kagilid-gilidan ng Aurora, o mag-binatog sa Baguio o kahit mag Silog meals sa Philcoa, yung ganern! Hindi kailangang fancy chef. Basta yung bubusugin ang tyan ko pati ang puso ko! Yun yon!

#1

KAPE

Yun ang ending. Kape ang hanap ko. Yung hahanap-hanapin ko araw araw. Yung hindi kumpleto ang araw at buhay ko kung wala. Yung umulan man, umaraw, sya ang gusto ko makasama. May tamang pait-tamis na hanap ko. Yung kasalo ko sa mga saya at tagumpay, at kasama ko sa mga bleakosity at Luz Valdez moment. Yung kahit mapa-sosyalang kapehan man o sa gilid lang ng kalsadang 3-in-1 ay pasok sa jar! Yung magiging kape ng aking buhay, at syempre din, ako rin ang kape ng kanyang buhay. Ang nagpapasimula ng araw, at nagtatapos ng gabi. Kape. Gusto ko ng kape ko! Yun yon!

'NUFF SAID

So yun! Hindi naman ako pihikan at demanding da ba? Napakarational naman ng mga hinahanap ko daba? So yun nga! Hindi naman din kasi kailangang 10 out of 10. Hindi naman ako perfectionist kasi. Saka napaguusapan naman di ba? Ayun. Well, sa mga naghahanap din ng mga letche shit nila sa buhay, gudlak mga teng - malay mo, malay ko, malay nating lahat - MALAYBALAY BUKIDNON!
Char lang! Oh sya! Nakakapagod naman itey! See yah when I next see yah! Lab lab lab! Gudlak sa deadline! MWAHUGS!

Sikat

  Super tagal na akong hindi nakakapagsulat dito sa blog na ito. Paano kasi, micro-blogging na rin ang facebook at andami ko na ring katamaran at rason kumbakit hindi na makapag update. Sana nandyan pa kayong mambabasa ng Batchoyan. Heniweys, sinipag akong magsulat today at instead na ipost sya bilang note sa facebook, naisipan kong mag update ng blog. So here I am. Wala nang madaming cheche-bureche. Simulan na ang sanaysay! Enjoy!

Sikat

Matagal ko nang nabasa ang sanaysay ng aking ina sa panulatan, ang sirena ng literaturang Filipino na si John Iremil E. Teodoro sa kanyang librong ‘Pagtatalak at Pagmumuni ng Sirenang Nagpapanggap na Prinsesa.’ Sa sanaysay na ‘yon, ikinuwento ni mother John kung ano ang posibleng mangyari kung ang isang manunulat na tulad nya ay kasing sikat ng isang matinee idol na nakikitang sumasayaw-sayaw at pakanta-kanta sa TV. Dahil mahisaon ako at sa tingin ko ay mas ambisyoso, iu-update ko lang ang sanaysay nya. Nabasa ko kasi sa mga networking sites gaya ng Facebook ang diumano’y nangyaring bugbugan at eskandaluhan sa pagitan ng mag-asawang artistang sina Raymart Santiago at Claudine Baretto, at ang mamamahayag na si Mon Tulfo. Ayon sa balita, narinig daw ni Mon Tulfo ang isang babaeng nagwawala at inaaward ang isang ground crew ng isang airlines. Halos wala na raw dignidad ang crew kung lait-laitin ng babae kaya na kyuryus daw si kuyang Mon. Kinuhanan daw nya ng litrato at bidyo sa kanyang cellphone ang eksena at nakilala daw nya ang laitera at yawyawerang babae na si Claudine Baretto. Nilapitan daw sya ni Raymart Santiago na asawa ng artistang yawyawera at kinukuha daw sa kanya ang cellphone nya. Nung ayaw nyang ibigay dun na bigla raw syang sinunggaban at pinagtulungan ng mga kasamahan ng mag-asawa. Iba-iba ang bersyon nila sa nangyari pero hindi yun ang point ng sanaysay na ito. Bahala sila sa mga buhay nila. So okay, nasaan na ba tayo? Ay oo, dun sa premise na kung ano nga pala ang pwedeng mangyari kung kasing sikat nila ang tulad kong makata. Hmmm… So there I was… shempre ingles para shalan di ba! Kalalapag lang ng eroplanong sinakyan ko sa paliparang pandaigdig Ninoy Aquino sa Pilipinas. Saan ba ako galing? Wait, oo, galing akong Geneva. Naimbitahan kasi ako dun bilang makatang Ilonggo. Binigyan ako ng award bilang isang Hiligaynon writer. Narealize kasi nila kung gaano kahalaga ang Lengwaheng Hiligaynon ‘in the greater scheme of things’ – ideya nila yun, hindi akin. So, ok, kagagaling ko lang dun sa parangal nga na yun. Diretso na ako sa baggage area. Kukunin ko na ang aking bagahe sa carousel. Matapos ang napakatagal na hintay, wala ang bagahe ko. So didiretso ako sa ground crew. Malalaman ko na lang na hindi pala niload sa eroplanong sinakyan ko ang bagahe ko. Naku! Malaking problema ito. Maririnig ni Mon Tulfo ang aking concern kahit hindi ako nagyayawyaw… wait, wag na si Mon Tulfo. Dapat CNN ang leveling… sige si Kyra Phillips na, or si Soledad O’Brien, o di kaya si Connie Chung… ay wait, wag na, si ano na lang – si Fabienne Paderes – yung internationally renowned broadcast Journalist na Ilongga. Bakit ba! Sanaysay ko to, at kaibigan ko si Fabienne, so yun, sya na. Where was I – ayun so nakita nga ni Fabienne na kinakausap ko yung ground crew ng masinsinan, and let me reiterate – hindi ako sumisigaw. Cool lang ako. Very reserved and sedate lang. Nung malaman ni Fabienne ang concern ko, sya yung magpapanic. Hindi pwedeng mawala ang akin bagahe! After all, nandun ang draft ng aking bagong Hiligaynon literary masterpiece na nobela. Nandun din ang mga works in progress ko tulad ng translation sa Hiligaynon ng Noli at Fili at yung malapit na ring matapos na salin ng Anna Karenina in Hiligaynon! Hindi pwede ito! Nakasalalay dito ang ‘stake’ ng literturang Pilipino sa pandaigdigang lebel! Magagalit si Fabienne sa ground crew! Isa itong emergency na dapat malunasan sa lalong medaling panahon! Medyo napataas ang boses ni Fabienne kaya naglilingunan ang mga ibang pasahero. Tapos na realize nila na nawalan nga ng maleta ang isang living ‘gem’ in Philippine Literature. Hindi nila ito ma take! Magkakaroon ng cataclysm pag nagkataon! So, nag tweet sila at nag update ng mga status nila. Nagkaroon ng komosyon. Yung ibang mga pasahero, dali daling bubuklatin ang mga maleta nila. Kanya kanya silang labas ng kopya nila ng mga libro ko – kanya kanyang lapit para magpapirma. May nag-iiyakan at nagsisigawan! Hindi nila lubos maisip na ma-meet nila ng personal ang isang Hiligaynon na makata! Yung iba, naglalabasan ng mga bags, Ziplocs at kung anu-ano pang mga lalagyan. Sinisilid nila ang hangin na posibleng nahinga at naibuga ko. Gagawin nila itong mga heirlooms at ang iba ay ibebenta sa ebay. Magkakagulo na ang lahat. Ifa-flash sa screen ang breaking news tungkol sa pagkawala ng maleta ko. Maghihiyawan ang mga tao. Ang iba sa kanila hahagulgol. Magdadasal sila n asana mahanap na ang maleta ko. Maraming tao ang makikipagsiksikan na makamayan ako o mahawakan man lang ang aking shaolin braided hair. Magbabanta ang isang stampede! Shempre, lalabas bigla ang aking bana – well, actually hindi naman necessary na bana talaga, pwede namang asawa, wala naman akong reklamo dun – pero syempre dahil sa kwento nila Claudine ay bana nya ang umeksena, so sige, bana na nga lang. SO, yun lalabas na ang bana ko para protektahan ako sa mga tao. Wait lang, sino ba ang bana ko – o sige si Cid Lucero na lang. So lalabas na nga si Cid para protektahan ako sa nagdadagsaang mga tao – ay wait, baka hindi kaya ni Cid, palitan natin – si ano na lang, si Wolverine – si Hugh Jackman na lang. Bakit ba! Sanaysay ko to, at libre naman mangarap. Sulat ka rin ng sanaysay mo – walang basagan ng trip. Where was I – so yun na nga lalabas na nga si Hugh. Yayakapin nya ako para maprotektahan ako sa mga tao. Maglalabasan na ang mga camera at masisilaw na ako sa mga flash ng camera. Isusuot ko na ang aking Prada na HD shades kasi baka mabulag ako hindi na ako makakapagsulat. Ilalayo na ako ni Hugh sa mga nagdadagsaang mga tao. Wala na kaming madaanan. Siksikan na talaga sa Airport. Sobrang dami na ng mga tao at kahit sa mga exit ay nagaabang na ang mga tao para makita lang ako. May mga tarpaulins na sa labas at nagtatrapik na hanggang EDSA. Tatakbo kami ni Hugh papuntang runway. Mahahablot ng isang fan ang aking Hermes na scarf habang tumatakbo kami ni Hugh! Nagraradyo na ang ATO kung ano ang gagawin at miski ang president ay aligaga na rin. Pinapadala ang personal na eroplano ng president pero mabagal at kakarag-karag yon. Matagal pa bago makatake-off yun. Sisenyas ang isang opisyal sa airport na may nagaantay na dawn a helicopter para masakyan namin. Hindi na napigilan ang mga tao at nakalabas na sila sa runway hinahabol kami ni Hugh. Makakasakay kami sa Helicopter at makikita ko na sobrang dami ng tao para silang mga langgam. Kakaway ako sa kanilang lahat at magiiyakan sila at maghihiyawan sila. May isang chubby na chinito na hahabol sa helicopter at magaabot sa akin ng mga bulaklak. Aabutin ko yun habang umaangat ang helicopter. Yayakapin ako ni Hugh. Aagawin ang bulaklak na bigay ni Chubby Chinitong kuya. Itatapon nya yun at sasabog ang mga talulot ng bulaklak habang papalayo na ang Helicopter namin. Tatatnungin ko sya kung bakit nya ginawa yun. Sasabihin nya na may naka imbed pala na GPS sa mga bulaklak. Dideretso muna kami sa isang isla kasi inaabangan na rin ng mga tao sa lahat ng paliparan sa buong Pilipinas kung saan kami lalapag ni Hugh. Kakawayan ko ang mga mahal kong mambabasa one final time! Pakialam ko sa isyu ng letcheng Claudine, Raymart at Tulfo! Hehehehe. Meanwhile, magbabayad muna ako ng kapeng ininom ko dito sa kapehang ito. Libre kasi ang WiFi dito at syempre, hindi ako kilala ni Cid Lucero – lalo na ni Hugh Jackman – at kung mabasa ito ng aking mother John Iremil, I’m sure sasampalin nya ako!

Plus One

Although I am still in the heavens, there are some earthly matters to take care of, and so I need to somehow come down from my clouds of bliss. To start with, there are the schedules to fix. The midterms exams are coming up and I need to calendar my trip to Manila to make the most of my time there. There are the plane tickets to book, and of course, the attire for the Ceremony. Well, the attire is being taken care of, as tomorrow, my good friend will join me in scouring the city for a suitable ensemble. One more question remains unanswered: who then should be my Palanca 'plus one?'

In laymen's term, the Palanca plus one is the special guest that would accompany an awardee to the ceremonies. Each awardee is given the privilege of bringing along only one guest for the awards night. My first Palanca experience was actually as a 'plus one' of a then significant other, who won an award a year or so ahead of me. When it was my turn to win, we were no longer exactly us. In the years that I have been joining the competition, I might have promised some 'then-significant' others to have the singular distinction of joining me in one of the most splendid night in the life of a writer like me. Too bad however, that the liaisons with these 'then-significant others' did not last us long enough to see me achieve this distinction.

My first 'plus one' was very very special in another way. As loyal denizens would know, I went with my 'almost-wife-sans-the-sex-and-marriage' super girl Charmita. We had a blast then and it was a most wonderful evening. I am not complaining but at a time like this, it is but natural for a sentimental poet to feel the pangs of longing for that special 'plus one' for the night. You know what I'm saying.

This year finds me un-partnered and very much single too, so there is no automatic 'plus one' to share this big triumph with. It would be a very very tricky thing to do to be asking someone from my writer's group to join me that night. Aside from the obvious expenses involved, I do not want to be accused of having 'favorites.' Besides, its not like we can just pick anyone just like that. Every Palanca Award Winner's circle of friends would understand the gravity of being asked to be an awardee's plus one. It's as if you have been shared that distinction of the win too. So now the dilemma. Who to ask to be my plus one?

Hmmmm....

Well you see, it might be plain fantasy or day dreaming, but you know, I also merely day dreamed and fantasized about my Palanca moment, but I must have done something right and someone up there must like me a lot to make it come true. So, you see? You can never can tell says Ara Mina. So let's see the viability. Here goes:

I was thinking, ever since the moment I first saw the raw talents of this person I wanted to ask him to be my plus one. Being a disciple of the arts himself, I know he would understand the immensity of the situation and would perhaps be honored to be my plus one. More so, when I saw him in one of the movies, I was convinced he had to be my next plus one. I have to take him to the Awards Night with me, and wearing this... exactly this!

Then again, maybe he won't be admitted to the Rigodon Ballroom because of strict implementation of the dress code, and I am afraid of the rumors that he is given to a little violence. So, ahmmm... maybe not. Maybe I need someone gentler.

So I thought maybe he should be my plus one. I do not watch much TV so I didn't know him from Adam. Not until recently when I saw him in a Cinemalaya entry. Well, probably, if I was in Eugene Domingo's place and I was asked for a role in a movie with him as producer, I would in fact say the same things:

"Full frontal nudity, check!"

"Death-defying stunts, check!"

"Sex scene with actual penetration, check na check!"

Maybe even if he asks me to swim in a septic tank, I would have been convinced by his sweet smile! And maybe, I would have even said this while floating in shit: "I'm just a boy, floating in front of another boy, asking him to loourve him in return!"

Well, I know he looks the part and the clothes would not be a problem, but you know, the Barong Tagalog is kinda dated. Something more 'cultural'. Maybe, he should be my guest. Yes, him!

Fine that's a long shot I know, and my little crush with him was not even enough to make me vote for him during the last elections. Not to mention the many envious baklitas in the Awards Night that might mob me should I be seen with the guys above. Well, I need some one to defend me. Alam mo na! Baka kalmutin ako ng mga lola nyo sa Palanca. They might bitch-slap me and scratch my delicate Ilonggo skin! I need a hero! So, ok fine! That settles it! He should be my Palanca plus one!

Pramis, wala na talaga akong choice! Baka sya na lang talaga! Napipilitan na talaga ako eh. Hehehe. Hayaan nyo na akong mangarap ano ba!

My my my! Who should it be then? Help me out guys!

Credits:

All Photos grabbed from Google images

Happy Birthday to me

The Batchoy Boi turns a year older! Happy Birthday to me!




The party’s over. I had it days before my actual birthday. The few remaining celebration for the day were also over and done with – coffee, dinner and then some. The deluge of text messages trickled about three hours before and those posted on my facebook wall have all been replied to. So I am left to myself. I wanted it this way – for me to be with myself for the remaining hours of my birthday. I wanted to celebrate the last trickles with the most important person in my life – my own self. So there I was at a bar. The band was still playing. I bought a bottle of shandy. I don’t drink really, and I just wanted to take it slow and easy and just be with myself. I stood by the counters sipping my drink. I saw you look at me. You were with your friends. There were six of you. Let’s just say, you were my type; Chubby flubby, fair, chinkiy eyes, cute lips and ahmmm… dimpled cheeks. Just perfect. Except for one thing – your girl's arms were wrapped all over your arms. Oh well. continue listening to the band. You continue staring. I tried catching your stares but you would casually look away when I try to. Your girl clings obliviously.


Inevitably, the band called out my name. They greeted me. How could they not. I’m a band boy. They called me over to jam a song or two. I feel you look at me as I approach the stage. I sang a couple of songs. I’m used to this. As I said, I’m a band boy. I know you were staring at me while I was performing. I could tell. I was looking your way. After my songs, I got back to my spot. You were scribbling something. Then, you handed it to the waiter. Two songs later, I was called back by my band friends. Somebody requested a song, and I was requested to sing it. I was in good moods, so I gladly obliged my friends. I am so sure it was from you. I saw you smiling as I was singing the two songs you requested. Luckily, I knew the songs. When I finished, I was surprised to see a fresh bottle of shandy and a plate of food on the counter. There was also a slice of cake. The waiter informed me it was for me. I said I didn’t order these. He said it’s on the house. I doubt it. This must have come from you. I saw you smile. Your girl still held your hand. I smiled deep inside. Well…Happy Birthday to me.

A few minutes later, your group left. Oh well… about half an hour later, I went to the comfort room. I went inside one of the cubicles. When I finished peeing, you were there inside the room too. No one else was inside. I smiled at you. You smiled back and said ‘Happy Birthday singer boy. Great performance.’ I said ‘thank you, did the food and drink and cake come from you?’ You just smiled. ‘Why are you alone on your birthday?’ you asked. I said I just want to be and asked ‘where’s your friends, I thought you left earlier?’ You looked into my eyes and gave me a warm smile and said ‘Isn’t it obvious why I came back? You looked lonely. No one should be lonely on his birthday night.’ I thought, goodness, I feel thrilled and this is a badly written screenplay of some cheap Pinoy romantic flick. Where the hell were the people who were supposed to come in and use the toilets? This is so contrived! But your chinito eyes, they stir a longing in me. I responded, ‘but your girlfriend…’ I wasn’t able to finish my question because somebody came in. We tried to act casually.

The guy went straight to one cubicle and as soon as the door latched, you grabbed me, hugged me tight and pushed me back into the nearest cubicle. Your eyes danced with mischief as your tongue probed mine. I got instantly stiff. We kissed and kissed and kissed and we heard the door to the cubicle unlock and the main door open and latch close. You grabbed me. We exited the comfort room. I was blinded by the rush and you led me to your parked car. I knew it was crazy but your hands alternated between the shift stick and my crotch. We ended up in a motel and when finally you were about to suck my stiff member, you paused, looked at me with a silly grin and said, ‘happy birthday band boy,’ and you took it all in.

It was wild, it was passionate and you sapped me dry. We did it all over the room - on the bed, in the toilet, in the showers, by the table, and I came all over too - in your mouth, in your palms, on your chest, inside you. Exhaustion got the better of us and we fell asleep. I could remember hearing the telephone ring. It must be the front desk informing us that our time is over. You picked it up. I was waiting for a nudge from you to get up and get dressed but when you put the phone down it was your warm hug enveloping me that I felt. I slipped into blessed exhausted sleep.


I woke up to the warmth in my crotch, and I saw you already mounted and impaled, pumping up and down. Time didn’t matter. There is the urgency of this lust, perhaps the last one, before we finally get dressed and go. When we came, I asked you what time it was. You said it doesn’t matter. You had us booked for the rest of the day. You smiled as you lay down beside me. I grabbed a smoke. Then you nibbled my ears and whispered ‘happy birthday’ I smiled and said, ‘not anymore. My birthday expired last night.’ You smiled and kissed me saying, ‘no, not you. Me. Happy Birthday to me. Today is my birthday.’ I smiled and allowed you to hug me. In a few minutes you fell asleep on my chest. I watched your cute face deep in slumber and I thought to myself. Darn, what’s your name again? I don’t think we ever asked each other that. Oh well, happy birthday. In an hour, I will wake you up by pumping into you! One good turn deserves another.

Asians in the Library

Kaloka lang ang Alexandra Wallace. Napanood ko sa youtube ang bilat. Nilait lait nya lang naman ang kultura ng mga Asyang. Kesyo daw tiga UCLA sha at nag aaral ng political science. Naiimbey daw sha kumvakit pag weekends eh more ang gorabelles ng mga jumag aneyk ng mga asyang sa apartment at maglalaba ipagsa-shopping, lulutuan at kung anek anek pa ng mga kamag-aneyk ang mga studyanteng Asyang. Eh gaga ka fala, ganun talaga kami teh! Servitude kami teh sa mga familyey gagah!

Tafos, nasa library nga daw sha nag aaral at nung malapit na daw sha magka Epifany eh bigla mag riring ang isang nyelpown at mag kukuda ang isang Asyang. Sabi pa ng bilat. Wooooohhhh!!! Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong! Gagang toh! Laitin ba ang lengwahe ng Asyang na mas matanda pa kesa sa markanong lengwahe na hiram hiram lang sa kung sa anek anek na lengwalalur?

Ang pinakanakakaloka, aba, di pa na kuntento ang hitad, at doon na talaga ako na jiniz de belen sa kanyey~ Aba'y pakialaman ba naman ang tsunami! Kesyo na iintindihan daw nya na nagka tsunami kayah lang nakaka disturbances daw sa Epiphany nya! Gaga! Sino ka ba sa kala mo si Chaka Khan na magkaka epiphany ka? Kalokah! Kailangan daw mag ka American manners ang mga Asyang. Gagang toh! Di ko ipupromote ang video nya kasi shinonggal na nya at kinlose ang channel nya pero kalat na sa youtube ang panlalait ng gaga. Instead, in my own way, itrak ang masasabi ko lang. Kung itrak ang mga Asyang na magchi-Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong sa library, gagah, magpapatayo ako ng sariling Library ko. Well, Music Library at least. Gagang bilat na toh! Honey you need to get laid. Nandun ang Epiphany na hinahanap mo.

Oh well... itrak na ang mga Asyang na felt ko maka Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong sa Library ko. Enjoy Batchoy Denizens. Pakisabuyan ng mainit init na batchoy ang hitad na bilat pag nakita nyo. Please lang!



Nung 2008 ko pa na feature ang Asyang na to kaya nangunguna sha




Love ko ang Song. Love ko na rin sha! Anuver!



Yummy lang sha! Ganda ng song. Atchaka, love nya daw ako. Kaya sha na talaga for now. Hehehehe. Gruff Chubby lang! Woof!


Kaya kay Alexandra Wallace, because I am a nice decent Filipino and Asian that my Mom raised well, with free laundry over the weekends, grocery shopping and all that shit, and growing up talking to my friends without any Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong thing, hindi ka pwede sa Library ko letche kah! Peace on the Batchoyan Library. Chos!

Don't Dare Me!

Makulit ka lang din naman kuya no?

Masaya kang kausap. Masarap kakwentuhan.

Seryosohan. Bastusan. Lahat na!

Kumusta naman sa Roma, bebe?

Hulog ka ng langit at masaya dahil napadpad ka sa batchoyan

Uwi ka na sa Pinas kasi pakasalan mo na ako.

I Love You Ramses Mejia!

At wag ako dinedare magsisisi ka!

Walang burahan to!

Like him

Still in blog hiatus but reading the blogs in my list and being the lurker that I always was, I found a link in one of my blog mates. From my friend Aris of the blog Ako si Aris I got this. Well, vanity is my favorite sin, so I gave it a try.


The result:

I write like
Edgar Allan Poe

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

Oh to write like my idol. To write like the Master of the Modern Short Story, father of Suspense and Mystery, Master of the Macabre and Free Verse Poetry!

It tickled my fancy, and gave me my 'happy thought.' Now all I need is pixie dust.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams...

Nevermore!

Chos!

Fermentation

Maybe it's because some things need to be fermented before being dished out.

Maybe it's like poetry. When you grow older in the craft your poetry becomes less hysterical or verbose or loud.

Maybe it's self editorializing. The longer you blog, the more you tend to edit/gag yourself.

Maybe it's laziness. The writing it down gets so tiring that you do not want to bother anymore.

Maybe it's prioritization. There's so much going on yet there is nothing to do.

Maybe, it's maybeline.

For my loyal blog denizens who keep coming back, I'm sorry. My keyboard is on hiatus and the blog posts become harder to churn out. Thanks for sticking it out with the batchoyan. Don'tcha worry. I'm still around, and somethings bound to give in. It's gonna happen, happen someday says Liza Minnelli.

Meanwhile, happy January. I love you all

Solo (Not the song)

And so, this was how I anticipated the new year.

When I came home, I was glad that one ritual had already been crashed out for me. I start my New Year celebration ritual by whipping my room into shape. Organized shape that is. I was kinda disconcerted to find my room oh so clean it spaced me out! Even the wood floor tiles were buffed and polished! Whoah! I got so disconcerted that I immediately poured out the contents of my trolly bag all askew! More like it! Hehehehe.

After resting a bit, I went out for coffee with some friends, and to buy me my personal gift. This is a yearly ritual for me. During special occasions, such as my birthday, Christmas, New Year, and death anniversary of the latest ex I am mourning as of the moment, I give myself something small yet meaningful. This year, since I managed to pop all the coffee makers I have bought or been given, I decided to buy me a new one. Nothing grand. Just some affordable generic black affair. I also got me coffee grinds, then Panetone from Tinapayan to go with my coffee.

I also bought me some tea light candles, vanilla essence oil, sandalwood incense sticks, a bottle of bubble bath liquid, Chai Spice tea a bouquet of flowers and white taper candles. I also got one pink helium filled balloon. These, except for pillar candle and the balloon, is for one of my new year rituals: a long luxurious bubble bath relaxing in candle light, enveloped by aromatic scents and sipping the tea infusion. I would ransack my closets and hopefully there are some bath salts left from my stash and some bath milk, mineral rocks and lather too. Half of the flowers I arranged into a tall vase so my room would be brighter and well... flowery-er. Half of them, I de-petaled to strew into the bath to make it more, well, spa-ish! Now all that's missing would be a naked chubby chinito Violinist to serenade me. Serenade lang talaga, no sex promise! Well... not until I finish my bath that is hehehehe....

The pillar candle is for my little 'light a candle' for peace ritual. I light it and say a little prayer. Very simple and self-explanatory. The balloon is for my wish release ritual. After writing down my wishes for the new year, I would tie it to a string tied to the balloon. As the new year is ushered in, instead of lighting fire crackers, I would release the balloon to drift towards the heavens!

This year, too, without fail, my little sister Sarah requested me to cook my legendary Spaghetti Carbonara. Before my bath, I made sure it was already done. What got to me was the absence of the usual mess with everyone rushing to and fro and the noises that the holiday spirits bring into the house. Now, it was quieter and more silent. The birds have flown the coop so to speak. It has been quieter already for the past years ever since, one by one, my older siblings have moved to the US of A to live their dreams and raise their families.

Now, it was almost silent. My three younger sibs were nowhere to be found in the house. My little brother is with his wifey and kid. My little sister also with his hubby and kid, and my baby sister, with his boyfie. There was an altercation between baby sis and little sis, and this prompted the exodus.

Although at around 10PM, my older brother, who came home for the Holidays, and little sis came for a visit. I was hopeful that somehow, there would be happy chatter as we usher in the new year later, but I was disappointed when they started bidding goodbye to celebrate their own new years with their own 'families.' Sigh...

And so, there was me, and my mom, my dad, and my mom's sister, who stays with us. Then again, evil as it may seem, I secretly relished the fact that, finally, for the longest time, I am the only one with the privilege of waiting and counting down the new year with our parents. ALL MINE!!! SOLO!!! You see, when you grew up in a brood of seven, you would know what I'm saying. Everyone hogs or competes, or elbows his or her own 'Me' time with the parents. Now, here we are, and I am the one with the singular distinction! AHLAVET! Hehehe...

We took seats on the terrace, the three of us, while we gazed at how the skies were painted with colors and firebursts. As the new year chimed in, we greeted each other, kissed, and hugged, and told each other how we love one another. Again, the SOLO feeling! HAH! ALL TO MYSELF! See, I'm the one left Mom! See, I'm still here DAD! ME! ONLY ME! Smug smug smug! hehehehe... It hit me. So! If this is the pay-off I get for the cosmic shittiness of finding myself still single and unattached, and being the last man standing so to speak among my siblings in the romance department, then it IS one swell pay-off.

And so, Dad raised his glass of Black Label, Mom her champagne,and me, my mug of coffee, to toast the new year!

Here's to A GREAT YEAR Ahead and here's hoping that, in some other aspects, I won't be SOLO for long!

Happy New Year Batchoy Denizens!

Ex-tensions (The after death Chronicles Final Part)

And so the final piece needs to be written. I really was hesitating to write it, but then, some things just have to come full circle. A lot of things happened in the intervening days and weeks since the first post of the After death chronicles was written. And so it comes down to this.

The second ex to be notified is actually more complex and touchy. If it could have been avoided all together, I would. I left a message in his Facebook account. I left my number and asked him to call me or text me so I could call him. I did not want to just drop the bomb like that on facebook messaging. Things like these need a voice. He replied belatedly with a message confirming if it was indeed me writing him a message. I understand. He's an 'otaku' or a tech geek. He is very wary of spams and scams on line. Besides, after the devastating break up, I imposed a total block and freeze over. No contacts. No news. No whatsoever. I refrained from making online trails that he may be able to follow for at least 18 months to get off his radar. No nothing. Only a few months ago was I surprised to find a friend request on facebook from him.

See, JM was his 'kuma-chan,' remember? Yes, he was THAT ex. Well, then we exchanged a few SMS' and I kept it within JM's parameters. No 'how are you's,' no how's life treating you's, just JM this and that. En route JM's burial he called me. He said he just got off the office and was asking where I was. I told him I was with the funeral caravan. He was asking directions and wanted to go but it was too far for him. See, I never asked him to meet up or whatever. I said what I had to say. That JM was gone, where he lies in state, when the funeral would be, and it would be up to him if he wants to make time and pay his final respects. I have done my job. Whatever he does next is none of my concerns and needs not my involvement in any way.

I was surprised to receive a call from him two days after JM's funeral. What now? He said he wanted to see me. He said it was his last work day for the week. He wanted to have coffee. I hesitated. This has nothing to do with JM. Then again, if it's true that I am over him really, then why fear a meet up. Fine!

And so, Starbuck's 6750 it was. I came before him because, though he works in Makati, he does not know his way around. I am now more geographically and navigationally adept than him in the metro. He said he was coming with a workmate friend. Tsch! Buffer! What a scaredy cat! Afraid to face the batchoy all by himself. Well...

I saw him and friend approach from the other side of the road. He looked a bit unkempt than he used too. Heavier, gruffier, and well... pardon me... dirtier. Tsk! The lover, if he has any, has poor 'hubby keeping skills.'

He approached my table. I stood up. Saw him open his arms wide and I just let myself be swept into his embrace. The world did not really stop like a sappy romantic flick. It was warm, it was nice and tight, and his hands and arms still knew the nooks and crannies of my body for maximum contact. No. No death defying nuclear meltdown. Not until he casually leaned his head sideways and comfortably found the perfect spot on my shoulder, nuzzling my neck with his stubble, just like he used to. Then boom!

Fuck it!

And so, we talked. Why this was so, why such was such. He vehemently denied that the reason for the break up was a third party. They never became them. He said the real reason was that because he chickened out. He got so overwhelmed by our plans. We were literally on the edge and he got afraid to take the plunge. The leap of faith! He chickened out on us.

He went on to tell me how he felt that his life after me was one big melodramatic karma. Misfortunes, one after the other. The only thing that softened the blows was that he felt he deserved everything, for breaking my heart into fragments and smithereens. I felt my cheeks dampen. Too bad, but...

SO I agreed to come home with him. He is living in their family's ancestral house now, good stable job, nice hobbies and more or less more matured and driven life. But! The Luis Karma.
He was on the tail end of a degrading and disintegrating 3-year relationship. Dependency, bad sex and abuse of favors and kindness. The whole clan of the BF was practically living in their house. Bottomline... Bad sex.

When the doors closed we were all over each other. God! He still knows my body. Where to touch me, how to touch me, when to and when not to. Oh yes, there was sex. Mind blowing sex!
Death defying, soul severing, cosmic explosive sex! From the back of the door to the stairs, to the couch, to the showers, to the tub, to bed and beyond. All with the boyfriend and the family in the house and some visiting friends.

He said that his boyfriend's idea to save the bad sex was third wheeling. At first he liked the sexual release but later found it so dirty and started hating himself for it. I would have none of his drama. His situation, his luck, his call. I'm here to just get what I can take. After rounds of sex, while on cool down, he handed me a keychain. In his purry sex-logged voice he asked me to move my things and stay with him here for as long as I need until I get back to my trips for my Dad. How can I say no? Amazing sex? Oh and yes, the boyfriend 'pawed' me too. I consented to it so that if and when we get caught, I'd have a ready slap back. Hello, so you have now become the queen and role model of sexual purity and fidelity? And yes, we did get caught.

Days later, he finally broke up with the boyfriend. He insists that it was a long overdue thing and I had nothing to do with it. Whatever. The set up was perfect. Intimacy, warmth and a blazing Christmas, the I go back to my travels, and then some when I get back. Not until we talked...

Then I realized, I love him. Not with the remnant love or the dying embers rekindled, but with a brand new love for the him that he is right now. You know how love tends to muck up things, right? If this thing was able to survive the cold blast of silence and indifference and the soul sapping drought of no news and no nothing, then this must be something else. This hardy thing must be it!Now I don't want to take what I can get. I want all of it.

But he was not ready for me. He said it was so unfair for me to just drop in and breeze through his life the way I also did six years ago. That he had plans... that he needs time to heal... time to mourn... time to... whatever.

It was not easy. I told him that some people whine, gripe, pray and even coerce for a shot at something. We were so lucky to have been given two shots at it.

Then again... maybe this is really the message of the universe. He has to take his own flights. I have to take mine. Love just muddles it all up.

And one more thing does.

The promise we made that no matter what, he and I will always be there. No getting lost. No news block out. This. For now...

Looks like I made myself another one of those that defies labels or classifications.
Well...
We'll see...


So what are we? I asked. FuBu? Friends with benefits?
He said, "why the need to label."
I replied, "Fine, not FuBu not friends with benefits."
He asked, "what then."
Friends with Privileges.
Yes. Thats new!

He says he's Nelly Fortado's "I'm like a bird."
I said no... you're not a bird. Though you have a very nice one, hehehe. You are a butterfly.

Soar high my butterfly!

Another Poem

Para sa laki nga tambok kagab-i
Ni Luis Batchoy

Duro gid nga salamat
Kay bangud sa imo mga hikaplos
Sa akun malapad nga dughan
Liwan ko nabatyagan
Nga ayhan ang imo ginasagap
Ang manggad ni Marikudo.
Sa imo mga bibig nga dahak dahak
Nadugos ko liwan ang prutas
Nga daw sa bulawan nga tagipusuon
Sa isla sang Guimaras.
Sing matal-usan ang hugot mo nga kamot
Sang mas hugot mo nga bibig
Sa pakipagambit sa gintunaan
Sang akun lawasnon nga kalipay
Gilayun ako gintubuan sang mga kuyos
Kag nagkayab ako sa kahimayaan
Bisan pa ako dalitan nga gabunan.
Sa akon pagpanigal-ot sa kweba
Nga mas mariit pa sang sa Tarangban
Mayad kay wala ber isa ka binukot nga makahas
Magpamalabag sa akun tinutuyo
Kag liwan nagsigrab sa akun kalawasan
Ining dugo nga ginpanubli
Kay ulang Buyong Humadapnon
Ilabi sa tanan, salamat gid
Kay sa pagbusawak sang kalipay
Nagbusawak man ang tuburan
Sang akun pagpamalaybay
Ano abi kay dirii sa Manila
Maalat ang ulan nga ginabunyag ko
Sa bagtik nga duta sang kamingaw
Duro gid nga salamat sa imo.
Sa imo panglaba nga ginahigugma mo ako
Tulad sang gugma nga gin tagnay ni Tungkong Langit
Kag sa imo gugma, nagatuo ako
Ano gani liwat ngalan mo ah?

Para sa lalaking mataba kagabi
Ni Luis Batchoy

Maraming salamat
Dahil sa iyong mga hikaplos
Sa malapad kong dibdib
Muli kong naramdaman
Na baka ang hinahanap mo
Ay ang kayamanan ni Marikudo
Sa iyong matakaw na mga bibig
Nadugos kong muli ang prutas
Na parang ginintuang puso
Ng isla ng Guimaras.
Nung mapalitan ang mahigpit mong kamay
Ng mas mahigpit mong mga bibig
Sa pakikipagambit sa pinagmumulan
Ng aking makamundong kaligayahan
Agad akong tinubuan ng mga bagwis
At pumailanlang ako sa luwalhati
Kahit pa ako'y isang makalalasong gabunan
Sa aking pagsusumiksik sa kweba
Na mas mariit pa kay sa Tarangban
Buti't walang ni isang binukot na nangahas
Humadlang sa aking minimithi
At muling nagumapoy sa aking katawan
Itong dugong minana pa
Kay Ulang Buyong Humadapnon
At higit sa lahat, salamat
Dahil sa pagbulwak ng kaligayahan
Bumulwak din ang bukal
Ng aking panulaan
Kasi naman, dito sa Maynila
Maalat na ulan ang aking binibinyag
Sa tigang na lupa ng pangungulila
Maraming salamat sa 'yo
Sa iyong pangalaba na iniibig mo ako
Katulad ng pagibig na inaalay ni Tungkong Langit
At sa iyong pagibig sumasaplataya ako
Ano nga ulit ang pangalan mo?

Foulitikia Atbp.

At dahil umabsent ako ng bongga, babawi din ako ng bongga!

Dobol feature... parang sine lang. And let me do something I rarely do. Write about foulintikss!

Goodtaym lang to... parang dear ate charo lang...

Parang short note...

Parang...

Letche... ganito yun!


Here are some things for the people running for the ringmaster in this circus of a government that we have. Let me start.

Dear...

Noynoy -

"I Swear it's this BIG! - My lamang in the surveys"

Your mother is the universal tita, so that makes you insan, but that's not my point. What I really like to say is that, win or lose, let insan Krissy take care of recovering your campaign losses: with your penchant for turbocharged answers in public forums and such, you'd be perfect as the Energizer Bunny incarnate! My suggestion is for you to stage a grand last minute wedding. Do a Korina-Mar, insan. Just don't marry Shalani in FAO Schwarz or Toy Kingdom.




Manny -

Take the plunge

Brilliant ads! Catchy Jingle! Love the 'back-mask' thinggie ad! Dear, you have a brilliant media whiz at work! Introduce to us the head of your creative team! We'd love to vote him/her for President! Oh, but I'm sure we would know him/her if you win because for sure, you'd be a fool not to appoint him as Press Secretary! Oh the lovely magical realist tales he/she would spin for you! Suggestion - consider taking acting workshops. They could do more wonders.




Dick -

Iron Dick... errr Iron Chef Dick

What's in a name they say? Everything. Parents should pay close attention to naming their children because a Rose, by any name, is a florist's marketing strategy. Well, if it's true that we are what our names are, I was just wondering... are you really that? A big.... well... Richard? Suggestion - keep Mr. Fernando closer, consider spandex, and highlight your other moniker - the flash?



Brother Eddie -

Neozep lang yan... babangon ka agad!

Putting aside the clear clause of separation of church and state, let me say you are wonderful. When I hear you bare your plans for the country, I await with bated breathe, for you to punctuate your discussion about the economy with a biblical verse and a proposition to change the peso to shekels. The other brother has it bad and he's just endorsing a party-list, you know. The Philippine constitution is verbose and the laws of the land are voluminous. The commandments you know are only ten. Oh and if your vice-president cannot even win the presidency of a school board here in Iloilo, then what chances have you two got as a tandem?Suggestion - try to up the ante with an impassioned fire and brimstone, hand wringing, gut wrenching hair tearing, ash smothering, sackcloth wearing mourning for the state of the Philippine Government... Careful with that ark though. Oh, and learn from Mister Escudero his delectable way with the Tagalog speaking thinggie.



Gibo -

Now wear it properly. As it is without clothes inside!

Hey baby... I mean panyero... Chos! You are really brilliant and all. I love the way you sound so layman considering you are a bar top-notcher even when explaining highly technical points. I like that a lot. I like your points. Very succinct - promising indeed. More or less, I agree with your thoughts and your plan of action. I like you a lot its almost a lot like love. However... I think its a misjoinder of parties darling. Wrong political side, wrong affiliation, wrong vice-president, wrong anointment, wrong ogre godmother. WRONG! If this was the Bar exams, you, my dear, are an elaborate essay answer with distinguishing and jurisprudence worthy of full marks - but to a multiple-choice question. Suggestion - Make them fall truly madly deeply in love with you. After all, when love is involved, it makes something so wrong feel so right, says Toni Gonzaga, and when you throw in the word love, you get away with almost everything. Ask Santa Evita!




Nicky-

Alien? Raise the roof!

Oh Nicky you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, however, not everyone enjoys listening to a political speech and platform which is the equivalent of a scientific name, or a lecture in the measures of central tendencies. Something is lost in translation dear Nicky, and it's you. Darling it's just so wrong. Suggestion - have you considered how many saplings could have been bought and reforested with the campaign money you poured into this fray?


JC -

Holding it... I mean Holding On to the fight!

So young, so dynamic, so chivalric. With a knighthood from members of the Vatican in the Philippines, it is just plain romantic saga of a young idealistic warrior. So very very -next time na lang ok? The priests who loves you so much can't be blamed. You are the very image of a responsible sakristan-mayor, or a knight of Columbus, or Adoracion Nocturna even. Too bad, Tubid is already the model for Blessed Pedro Calunsod. Suggestion - to speed up the process, pour yourself into research for obscure Filipino Martyrs for the faith. Surely, you would be a very good model for the next Filipino Saint. Make sure though that the person you will help towards canonization is not some Carmelite Nun ok?





Erap -

Ahmmm

There is a big difference between executive clemency and acquittal, sir. You flaunt that your being pardoned proves your innocence. Exoneration of a crime, commutation of sentence or absolute pardon is not the same as being found not guilty. You would understand what I am saying wouldn't you? I think you are very misunderstood, and hence, I do not understand you. Oh and I love your campaign colors. It reminds me of where you are supposed to be. Don't worry, we are far from adopting that black and white striped get-up. Suggestion - Try this mantra: When I grow up, I wanna be like Winnie Monsod!


Jamby -

Jessa? IZATCHU?

Honey, I have saved the best for last. Like you, I do not know how much a kilo of galunggong is. Like you, I too am not into 'itlog na pula,' make mine Century Eggs please. I think you are the best. The very fact that your campaign platform is very solid and singular is a big decisive factor for me - GET MANNY VILLAR! Atta gurl! Suggestion - Psstttt... your then political endorser is also an endorser for a slimming product with L-Carnitine. It's a good addition to the already impressive CV that you have of being a Vegetarian. Maybe she could give you the tips and tricks. However, you did say that you have turned your back when you saw the folly of your ways right? I just hope that when you do, your dress has full beaded design and not the flesh-flash -less thing, mmmkay? If you find it harder to see the folly or your ways this time, don't worry. We are not in a hurry. Meanwhile, you can window shop at a local wet market. Of course you can stay inside your car and look at things through the window. That's why it's called window shopping, right?

Whew! Now if I must say - this is all y0ur fault Chiz! You left me in pain, confusion and suffering, after all I have shown you - after all my love and devotion to you! ETCHOS!
Make that ETCHIZ!


Photo Credits:

philippinesfunwall.wordpress.com
citadel.seitoukai.net/2010/01/24...r-spoof/
www.newsflash.org/2004/02/tl/tl0...2403.htm
www.freemediabuzz.com/Posible-Pa...wala-Ka/
karitoon.com/xoops/modules/extga...d%3D1161
ewsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerhe...esidency
john-carlos-de-los-reyes.politic...os-reyes
wawam.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/p...lection/
ifemoto.blogspot.com/2010/01/ph...07375755