That Thing Called .... ASANESS

Hindi ito movie review.

More like, knee-jerk reaction.

More like MeMa

So yun... Where do broken hearts go ba talaga tita Whitney?

If there is one thing, this movie has elicited so much reaction from so many people. Polarized opinions that is. Isa lang siguro ako sa maraming nagbigay at magbibigay pa ng kumento tungkol sa pelikula. Mula sa technical details ng film making, to the very personal and what-nots. Merong sobrang thesis statement ang peg makareact meron din namang MeMa - Maganda - Pangit - ganun. So I'm getting into the fray and throwing my own, well, reaction to the film. More like - reflections.

Suspension of disbelief

Sa panunood ng sine, o kahit pagbabasa o pagsunod ng kwento, meron tayong tinatawag na believability. Kahit pa sabihin nating 'magic realist' o 'fantasy' ang tema, meron pa rin tayong mga pinanghahawakang 'realidad' at kailangan, naka-anchor dun sa realidad na yun somehow ang takbo ng narrative ng storya. So yun nga, itong suspension of disbelief ay stretched na stretched sa pelikulang ito. Hindi ko na siguro kailangan ikwento ng buong buo ang storya ng pelikula kasi alam ko naman napanuod nyo na, nabasa somewhere, or if not, binabalak pa lang panoorin, so walang spoilers, pero alam mo yung feeling na... WEH?

Unang-una, the opening frames tell of a story of an arrow with a heart pierced through it. Parang mali. Parang baligtad ata. Parang - weh! May heart ba na consciously ay sya ang magpipierce through an arrow? Wait lang...

Tapos ang unang dilemma, kailangan magbawas ng luggage ni Mace kasi excess nga sya so yun, pinagtatatapon nya sa basurahan ang mga... ahmmm... panty... at teddy bear. Like... ahmmm... sobrang bigat nyang mga bagay na yan teh! And then later on, ang eksena ay maglalalagalag sila ni Anthony bitbit ang mga maleta nya sa Baguio at sa Sagada! Teh! Wala kang pambayad sa excess baggage pero may pang rampa ka! WEH?

O so yun na. Nung nasa Pinas na sila, yun nga, bigla na lang naisipan nilang dalawa na maglagalag nga kung saan saan. TO, you know, find where do broken hearts go nga ba talaga? WOW! Wala silang mga kaibigan, kamag-anak, kachika and everything na kailangan makaalam na nasa Pilipinas na sila at naisipang maglalalandi all over. WEH? At wala rin silang mga trabaho etc etc.

Sobrang intense ng moment na nakalimutan nilang pwede naman iwanan sa hotel, o sa baggage counter ang maleta so parang chararat lang na dala dala nila yun. Like I said, kung may panglagalag sila, I'm sure, magkano lang ang hostel na pwedeng paglagyan nun.

SO yun, at may drama silang matutulog sa labas under the stars in Sagada. Hello Hypothermia? WEH? 

At may chenelyn na kapag na mention ang ex ay magbabayad ng 100 pesosesosesosesoses! WEH? Buong pelikula, yun ang point! Ang pag usapan ang ex!

That Thing Called Asaness...

So yun na nga. Pero naisip ko, ano ba ang implication ng pelikulang ito? Well simple lang. Tinuturuan tayong maging mga ASANESS lahat! Asaness kasi sa tutoo lang...

Walang Anthony na magsasalba sa atin sa mga excess baggages natin sa buhay. Malamang lamang, ang mangyayari, drug courier ang peg natin pag ganun. Hello kakilabot kaya yung ganung chenever! One time, minadali kong umuwi from Jakarta for Christmas. Nag excess baggage ako at pagbabayarin ng 30Million Rupiah! Wala! Walang Anthony na nagoffer na ilagay ang trench coat ko sa bagahe nya at ibigay ang free luggage allowance nya for me. Kasi sa tutoo lang, lahat tayo, may excess baggage! Kung hindi ako nagthreaten na isusuot ko lahat ng kaya kong isuot sa mga dala dalahan ko, at nagsabing - well this feels like extortion. I absolutely have no extra cash left and I just want to go home for Christmas, saka pa lang ako kinausap ng manager na gagawan daw nya ng paraan. In short - tayo ang magsusolve ng problema natin. Tayo ang magbibitbit ng excess baggages natin at minsan, kailangan natin talagang ibasura ang mga bagay bagay - more than just our panties!

Walang Anthony na magququote ng mga Philosophical at Literary lines sa atin. Walang sasama sa atin sa Baguio at sa Sagada para lang chumenever sa kadramahang pinagdadaanan natin. Malamang sa malamang sasabihan lang tayo ng mga friends natin na 'MOVE ON!' Ganun! May mga pasok sila, may mga bayarin at may mga sariling shit sa buhay. Oo, pwedeng may sumama sa atin magkape saglit. Sa weekend, mga ganun! Pero sa true lang, wit! May expiration date ang pagdadrama sa mundong ito. Walang sasama sa yo para chumeneschenes lang sa Sagada! Kailangan mong umayos, now na! No one can stand a sob story!

At kumusta naman ang rebound? Sa tutoo lang, ang magkakainteres lang at magkakapanahon na samasamahan ka sa kaletchehan mong pagdradrama ay ang mga may ulterior motives. At malamang sa malamang, kawawa sa bandang huli si Anthony. Rebound ang peg. VulcaSeal. Well come to think of it, yung last ko, medyo ganun. Red flag dapat na malimit nyang sinasabi o kinukwento sa akina ng ex nya! Eh ako si tanga. Reassure na hindi mangyayari ang ganun sa atin - na iba ako sa ex mo. Ang jending, waley! Iniwanan nya rin ako kasi siguro hindi pa nga sya nakapag-move on and all that shit.

Tanong ni Anthony, bakit ba daw ang hilig hilig ng mga mayayamang babaeng kagaya ni Mace na hanapin ang mga sarili nila sa Baguio?

Hindi ko rin alam. Hindi ako mayaman at mas lalong hindi ako babae. At ang scary lang n'yang paghahanap sa sarili. Eh kung bigla mo nga makasalubong ang sarili mo sa Diplomat Hotel? OMG! ISKEYRI! Kaya never kong hinahanap ang sarili ko! WITIT!

Where Nga Ba Talaga?

Yun nga, in the end, pinagmumukha tayong mga tanga! Yun ang point. Kasi katangahan naman talaga ang umibig ng bonggang bongga. Tuturuan tayong either maging jaded, o maging asaness. Kasi nga, yun yon eh.  Nagiging mas Hopia tuloy tayo, mas nganga, mas asaness... hintay ng hintay kay Anthony, o hanap ng hanap kay Tyang Whitney at kung where nga ba talaga ang letcheng pinupuntahan ng mg broken hearts na yan.

At sa tutoo lang... wala naman talaga tayong choice sa huli eh. Walang guarantees ang pag-ibig. Walang guarantee that it is fit for use for our purposes at wala ring guarantee that it is free from defect! Hindi ito consumer's code! Walang Magna Carta for the Protection Against Wrongful Love!

Wala! Hindi mo makakasuhan sa Korte Suprema! Wit! Kahit anong gawin mo, kung talagang iiwanan ka nya, iiwanan at iiwanan ka. At kesehodang itapon at ibasura mo pa lahat ng teddy bears at panty mo, maeexcess at ma eexcess baggage ka pa din. At wala ring pakialam ang mundo kung pagod ka na!

Kaya wala ka na ring magagawa talaga... kundi ang umasa. Maniwalang may karma, may Diyos and somehow, in the grander scheme of things, lahat ng paghihirap at pageemote mo, someday soon, may pupuntahan. Na may cosmic accounting na tinatawag... na may tadhana... na may arrow with a heart pierced through it... Na may suspension of disbelief... na may happy ending... na may Anthony...

Na merong 'That Thing Called...

ASANESS!

Mabuhay ang mga umiibig, nasaktan, patuloy umiibig, nagpapakatanga, nagpapakabitter, at naniniwala pa rin at umiibig pa rin ulit!

Mabuhay ang mga ASANESS!

God Loves Bakla

God Loves Bakla

A Book Review/ Reaction/Reflection

By Luis Batchoy MCCQC

Warning: Spoilers ahead

" I am a 43-year-old Filipino gay man currently living in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. In July 2008 I completed a book about my life in the closet, which I hope will help people better understand homosexuality and homosexuals. Raised as a Catholic, I believe that God created me bakla and loves me as bakla. Since coming out of the closet in 2001, I have never been happier or more fulfilled as a person and as a Christian. I have come to realize that the Catholic Church is wrong to condemn homosexuality, which is actually a special grace from God."

- Raymond Alikpala

God Loves Bakla is a memoir written by Raymond Paolo A. Alikpala. At the outset, let me say that I always take memoirs with a grain of salt. I am not so sure how far one can truly look back, remember, be objective and not romanticize or embellish a recollection. This is just however a personal bias I have with memoirs and ‘diary’ type books. For the purposes of being unbiased, let us just take then the author’s word at face value. After all it is his story. This piece is more of a personal reflection or reaction paper rather than a book review. Again, this is just me and my personal biases.

God Loves Bakla is the life story (so far) of the author. How he grew up in a very Catholic Family, was educated in a Catholic School, later on becoming a Lawyer, then a worker in Cambodia, and his struggle with living in the closet, his spirituality (or religiosity for that matter) acceptance of the self and later on, embracing and celebrating his homosexuality, and that proverbial quest for the Holy Grail: finding that one true love. Though the book is centered on the author’s religious and spiritual temperament and how he dealt with his homosexuality, it also touched on issues of national and even international importance. He recalls his own experience of the People Power Revolution and the ouster of the dictator, his struggles academically, his life in the novitiate of the Jesuit order, his expulsion from the novitiate, his work with the refugees in Cambodia, living the gay life in Cambodia and Thailand, his brushes with that love that dares not speak its name, and the eventual ‘happily-ever-after’ moment with his life partner.

Generally, the book is easy to read, and light. The events are chronological in order and the ending satisfying. I must admit though that his story telling could have been more streamlined, and at times the author would go to great lengths in repeatedly saying the same thing over and over again: inconsistency of his sexuality with his faith, his aversion and internalized homophobia, his spiritual/religious gripes - that sometimes borders on diatribe. I understand though that these points are important to him and for him to tell his story and bare his soul to the reader, and eventually make his point. Though I expected a more ‘epiphanic’ revelation from him or to have given or written more on how it was to have finally broken free and come out of the closet, I understand that it could have been a very confusing yet at the same time liberating experience for one who has been cooped up and closeted all his life. The happiness and wonder could have caused him to be less introspective thus glossing over that very particular stage in his life. Then again, this is his life, and this is his story.

I can relate to the author as I was brought up a catholic and educated in a catholic school – to be exact- a Jesuit school myself. My elementary years were in Santa Maria Catholic School (now Ateneo de Iloilo) and I too subscribe to the Jesuit worldview of being ‘men and women for others’ and the motto of ‘Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam’. There were times though that I did not agree to or approve of his decisions, such as him telling of his ‘sin’ to his Novice Master leading to him jeopardizing his Novitiate. He knows for a fact, having been subject to stringent homophobic doctrines that this would possibly spell the end of his ‘religious calling,’ then again, this is his story and his life.

The book is wonderful, and his story, amazing and inspirational. If his being a virgin until the age of 32 is not something to marvel about then I do not know what else could. I even jokingly told Rev. Ceejay that the book is a little less interesting because sex comes at a very late part. Where’s the rough, body convulsing, death defying, world shattering, soul severing sex? But of course that’s just a joke. I may not be in agreement with the author with a few things, but that’s the charm of his story. I do not have to necessarily agree with him, yet the story remains fascinating.

His story is insightful and captivating. It discusses faith, politics, homoeroticism, breaking free and celebrating one’s sexuality. It offers by example, practical advices on coming out, dating and looking for love, the kind of love that dares not speak its name. The book made me think, rationalize, ratiocinate, be depressed, cry, laugh at the absurdity of life and other people, socialize, criticize, sympathize, empathize, celebrate his freedom, romanticized and be thrilled about the prospects of finding my own happily ever after. Again, I can relate with the author as I am a law student too, a developmental worker and a human rights advocate as well. The other thing that fascinates me is how he is able to write in an ‘unlawyerly; fashion. Simply put, he just bares his heart and soul for the world and sundry, complete with pride, ego, fears, joys, aspirations, hopes and dreams.

I hope seeing myself buying truckloads of copies so I can send them to my priest friends who are still hiding behind the cloth, to my lawyer friends who suffer from internalized homophobia, to my openly gay friends, to friends who have dilemmas coming out, and to a whole lot of people whom I believed will be touched and inspired by this book. I congratulate the bravery of the author in coming out with this book. I celebrate with him his acceptance of his sexuality. I romanticize with him his searching and finding his one true love. Incidentally, that specific quote stuck to my mind. He was telling of how he got angry at his partner for making him wait and missing their bus. He said he had been waiting for a whole day, and his partner answered him “I have been waiting for you all my life!” Saccharine!

With a sigh of relief, I told myself... Too bad there wasn't MCCQC yet for him when he was lost. Good thing there is MCCQC now for the rest of us, and him too, should he feel like coming over.
Indeed! GOD LOVES BAKLA!
Come to MCCQC you guys!

Grab a copy. It’s a wonderful read!

For Copies, you may contact MCCQC

Mobile No. 0915.1814963 globe
Hotline: (02) 508.35.23

Credits:

www.godlovesbakla.com

www.godlovesbakla.wordpress.com

Spectrum 2010

I was invited last night to the opening of "Spectrum 2010", a photography exhibit curated by my very good friend Babak Niaraki. Yes he is the same friend who took my amazing nude photos for his one-man show "NotBlack, Not White" a year back. The exhibit was also held at RED Steakhouse at the Smallville Complex in Mandurriao Iloilo.

There were amazing pictures not only from Iloilo Photographers but also some from outside the country. I met a lot of friends I haven't seen for a long while and the opening night was a huge success. I also got to meet great talents in the field. Here are some pictures I took.Batchoy and Principal Tanoy

Batchoy and The Big Bab Cat

Batchoy and the Jiggernaut


Batchoy and Tito PG "Boyet" Zoluaga

Nagmukha namang kawawa ang aking Hot Pink na Polaroid Digicam sa naglalakihang mga DSLR na bitbit ng mga andun. Hiya hiya din akong mamiktyur dun. Hehehehe. But of all the pics, the one bellow has got to be my favorite. It was done by Dr. Vic Pido, a physician and a long time member and a multi awarded photographer from the Photographic Society of Iloilo. Sabi ko, kung mag papapublish akon ng libro ko, this has got to be the cover, only, rendered in rose, magenta or pink monochrome. I love the lights and shadows, the lines, the movement and the drama of the photo.

So if you happen to be in Iloilo, do drop by Red Steakhouse at the Smallville complex to view more amazing photographs as well as enjoy good food. Ciao!

Catching Up on My Reading

Before I conclude the Marlboro Black Series, let me first take a quick detour.

Lately, since there is literally nothing for me to do, aside from taking endless mugs of coffee and nocturnally hanging out with 'unsuitables' and falling in love with them, I have the wonderful chance to, as the song goes, catch up on my readings.



The three new Stephen King Novels I bought the last time I was in Manila still wait patiently on my bookshelf for my eager attention. I'm still making my way slowly through Lisey's Story. I have read an assortment of my book sale acquisitions and the number of unread titles are dwindling.


See I have a penchant for buying these titles under 50 pesos from the book sale. surprisingly, there were entertaining novels which I bought at 20 to 5 pesos each, hardbound at that. I was thinking that, if at all they are not to my liking, they'd male good kindling, bookends, or last minute 'gifts' for some forgotten spur of the moment birthday or something to that effect. Hehehe. Or I could just simply throw them away or donate to some 'literacy' book drive. Surprisingly, only one or two titles have disappointed me.







I recently read the second Clan Novel from the 13 novel series of Vampire the Masquerade Clan Novel Series. The first Clan Novel was Toreador. though I did not thoroughly enjoy that one, it had its good points. The Second Clan Novel in the series is Tzimisce. I honestly labored in finishing the novel because I had to return it immediately to my friend Mykus. With two novels in the series read, and two other titles sampled, I regret that it has not enthralled and captivated me the way Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles has.




Maybe its too rough and too violent for me, or the characters too numerous and easily dispatched and thrown away without much character development or significance. Maybe the intriguing world and rift between the Clans belonging to the Masquerade of the Camarilla or Anti Deluvians like the Toreadors, Gangrels, Ventrue and Brujah versus the darkly diabolical and twisted Sabbat clans of the Lasombra, Tzimisce and their lot is just not that interesting for me. My copy also features a sampling of the next Clan Novels Gangrel and Setite,which were lackluster, too. It does not help too, that each clan novel is written by a different author. It lacks the plot, focus and expert weaving of a story that Anne Rice weaves. It would be a mortal sin, if at all, for it to be even compared with Bram's Classic Dracula, even.


Speaking of Anne Rice, two more titles remain unread in my shelf. They are the final books in the Vampire Chronicles. Blackwood Farm, and Blood Canticle; which features a 'cross-over' between the Vampires and the Mayfair Witches. Honestly, although I am a big Chronicles fan, I am not that thrilled with the Mayfair Witches Saga. I have only read Lasher and Taltos in the series.

And even while were at it with the vampire books, puhleeeeeezzz.... Don't start with the Twilight Series.

My niece is a huge fan, and she brought with her from the states a collection of these books. I tried reading, for the sake of reading, and I threw my copy not even a quarter through the first book.

Need I say SWEET VALLEY HIGH Vampire Edition, or would that be too much of an insult to Francine Pascal?


Sadly, isa yan sa mga bagay na wala kay Marlboro Black. Hindi sya nagbabasa. Matapos namin panooring ang HP6 andami dami nyang tanong kasi admittedly, hindi nya binasa ang mga libro at hindi talga sya nagbabasa, kaya kandahirap naman ako kakaexplain sa kanya. Well... Baka lang distracted sya masyado sa pinagagawa nya sa loveseat kaya di nya masyado na gets ang storya or talaga lang he denies himself the pleasures of reading... Oh well, sabi ko detour eh... ba't kaya bumabalik ang usapan sa kanya... Ahmmm..

Photo Credits:

http://endlessbookshelf.net/shelves.html
http://www.lexink.com/Reviews/page3.html
http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/series/world-of-darkness/toreador.htm
http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/series/world-of-darkness/tzimisce.htm
http://koba0127.cocolog-nifty.com/cube/2008/01/593_the_clothes_4708.html
http://www.thehiddenbookcase.com/sweet_valley_high_covers.html

SanAg7 Part 2 of 2 - Review Day

SanAg7's Wonderful Cover... My Favorite Cover Artwork in the Series so far

There was no better day to read a wonderful folio. The day was just perfect to get cozy and dig into a good anthology. The weather was great. Not too hot and not to cold, and there were no pending engagements to snatch me away from reading. Plus, there were these wonderful and delicious companions while reading...

In a writer's life, some sun must shine!

And of course, what else should be there to complete everything but coffee... So, with these in tow, I settled in my fave spot and read away.

Beautiful Artwork/Tattoo Design

To understand why I am ecstatic about SanAg Folio, read the previous post. This edition of the Folio features a beautiful artwork by Ervin M. Rondez Jr., a self taught artist from Hamtic Antique. It features the mythical Sarimanok/Adarna bird with wings outstretched, and seemingly protecting a young maiden covered in the traditional 'pintados' tattoo with sprouting foliage. Though the cover may just be black and white, this is perfectly and tastefully done so as to highlight the wonderful artwork. When I checked on the bio of the artist, it says that his ultimate ambition is to become a tattoo artist. I would gladly let him do my next tattoo should I become ready for it. I can only hope to have captured properly the beautiful cover design.

My Manding - Glenn Sevilla Mas... Medyo Crush ko pa naman sana dahil chubby, kaso tiyahin ko sya kasi 'kapatid sya ng literary mother ko na Si John Iremil Teodoro eh, incestuous naman yun noh... Tsk tsk tsk... sayang! Hehehehe

This issue is but a 'Press Filler' as Mr. Jigger Latoza has said, but it contains to full length and very powerful works. The first one is a full length play entitled Games People Play by Glenn Sevilla Mas. This play won 2nd prize in the 2007 Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature, and was presented in a stage reading during Tanghalang Pilipino's 2001 Virgin Labfest in the Tanghalang Aurelio Tolebntino at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. The play beautifully tackles childhood, friendship, sexuality and sexual awakening, dysfunctional/absent parents and the cruelty of life, especially to children. The narrative is rich and artistically told through the motiff of fairy tales and children's games. As I was reading through the play, I imagine myself playing one of the characters, as this is an 'actor's play.' There are only three characters in the play, Julio, Luna and Diego, but they are very challenging roles, as the three characters themselves alternately play other 'characters' such as the parents of the charcaters and their younger selves. There arae even parts where a male character, julio for example, plays Luna's Neurotically Religious Mother. It excites the stage actor in me, and the story line is rich and very textured, but perfectly contratsed to a very minimalist set with only lights and minimal props relying on effective 'area acting' to get the play thorugh, in an actual production. Glenn Mas delivers yet another powerful play with this one. Syempre pa, I am proud of the author, as he is my literary mother John Iremil Teodoro's 'sister'; hence, he is my aunt, and Manding Glenn delivers yet another proof as to why he has Nine Palancas a Ford Foundation Scholarship for his MFA in Playwritting, and three books of plays. Glenn, after all is another outstanding and powerhouse literary gem of Western Visayas.

Half the book done, half the box too... Weeee

The second manuscript is a scrrenplay entitled Hula: Higit Pa Sa Mga Tala by Lorenzo Fuentes Templonuevo. The author uses the mottif of astorlogy, particularly the Zodiac Signs in his screenplay. The whole screenplay has an 'indie' feel to it, very cinematographic story telling, and a nice ending to bring everything to an 'agreeable' conclussion. Although there is an 'indie' feel to the story, the whole thing has 'pop' elements in it, and tackles later on in the story the dilemma between working abroad as opposed to volunteering for humanitarian work in the war torn fields of Mindanao. The former being the more 'zodiacal' choice, while the latter runs cintrary to what is predicted for the character, as inferred from and dictated by her birth charts. Although the story becomes a bit 'formulaic' and predictable at some point, maybe that's just me.

All in all, the book is a wonderfull read, and not only for the purpose of reading per se, but would also be helpful for me as a writer if and when I would decide to give play writting or scrrenplay writting a shot.

Another 'press' of Java... My personal French Coffee Press fro Starbucks - given by a friend for my birthday a long time ago.

P.S: Should you be interested in getting a copy of this issue of SanAg or any other issue for that matter, as well as titles from Libro Agustino, and titles by Mother John Iremil Teodoro, leave me a message and I will be more than willing to make arrangements for you on how you can buy them. I am not an official 'agent' of any of the above named persons and entities, but for the sake of Literature and spreading Hiligaynon/Western Visayan Literature, I would be more than happy to help you get your copies. Spread the word.

Glenn Sevilla Mas' Photo Copied from:

http://www.geocities.com/phil_writers/mas_glenn

SanAg7 Part 1 of 2 - The Literary Journ(ey)al

Beautiful Cover Art by Ervin M. Rondez Jr.

I gathered from Mother John Iremil Teodoro's blog that SanAg7 just got out hot off the press. I rushed over the next available office day to grab me a copy. I was excited because this is to be the first issue that would feature me 'on the other side of the fence. It's like this, kasi.

SanAg, which literally means 'bright', is the Official Literary Folio of the University of San Agustin, Iloilo's Fray Luis De Leon Creative Writing Desk, under the University's Coordinating Center for Research and Publication. It was published by the in-house publishing house Libro Agustino. SanAg also happens to be the shortened 'slang' for San Agustin; San-Ag.

Last year, with the change in the Administration, almost all 'artistic' centers were bulldozed by the new Father President, as these things were not his priority for the University, thus the Writing Desk and the Publishing House suffered greatly. Such was also, in part, the reason why my dear beloved literary mother decided, in an act of indignation, to divorce herself from the job that she has nurtured, loved, and toiled at and with, for more than seven years.

When I was awarded a fellowship in the first ever Fray Luis De Leon's Regional Creative Writing Workshop, as a fellow in poetry, I was asked by mother John to submit some of my works for the 2nd issue of SanAg, and the rest was history, so they say. Year in and year out, mother would always ask for my works, and would publish them in the folio. I had works published in SanAg3, SanAg4, and SanAg5, SanAg6 was dedicated to drama and I can not remember if I did submit for this one, but the poitn is, I have always looked forward to this folio. This is where I got my first taste of being 'paid' for my poems, and saw them published alongside Ilonggo Literary greats such as Tatay Dr. Leoncio P. Deriada.

The folio had undergone several transformations and themes. There was an issue that was 'love' themed. There was one for experimental short fiction, an issue for drama, and what nots. One of the features of the folio, aside from being divided into poetry, fiction and drama, was its separate section for the award winning manuscripts. These were usually the crop of works that earned recognition in the Palanca Awards for the year, or any other reputable award giving body in Philippine Literature. As I have said, this issue is important for me because for the first time, my works have finally 'crossed-over' to that section. SanAg has literally chronicled my journey as a Hiligaynon wirter. From mere 'budding' contributor of a couple of poems, to a submission of a short experimental fiction, to an 'awarded' writer. More importantly, with the publishing and the writing desk 'shelved', this might just be SanAg's swan song.

I hurriedly rushed to the 5th floor of the Fray Luis De Leon Building in San Agustin. As I walked the alleyways, nostalgia swept over me. The Hall is also where the College of Law is located. I used to be part of the throng of young and aspiring lawyers to be in this hall. Whew!

Catching my breath upon reaching the floor after flights of stairseseseseses, my heart skipped to see the UCRP Office still open even if it was way past five in the afternoon. I hurriedly went inside. Fortunately, I was able to catch Mr. Jigger Latoza, the Center's Director. I quashed an urge to look for Mrs. Medel, who always graciously gave me my complimentary copy, have me sign in and gave me my 'honoraria' for the works published, and much so, go into the inner sanctums for a chat with my beloved Mother. Luckily, the chit chat with Mr. Latoza was enough distraction. Not enough, however, to keep me from opening the book and instantly checking the table of contents and quickly jumping over to the 'About The Contributors' page. This page has also seen my bio's gradual transformation.

I panicked a bit to learn that my name was not in it. A quick thought popped in to my head; that perhaps, due to Mother John's hasty exit and quick move back to Manila, she might have forgotten to include my works. My heart sank. I couldn't help but be very disappointed. I quadruple checked and noticed that the Author's page only contained three names. There must be some mistake! I couldn't help but verbalize my perplexed thoughts.

Hearing my concern, Jigger quickly said "Oh, your works are in SanAg 8. That's just a Press Filler. It has one full length play and one screenplay. He further informed me that SanAg8 is already in the press and in no time, will also be coming out. I felt relieved! Patience, will have to be, a virtue, till then. I took two books; one for me, and one for my Dynamic Duo Bryan, as was always the case. I was glad I was not carrying anything that time except my clutch bag. The cover is too beautiful not to display, but that's getting ahead of the next post. I will review the book in my next post.

Tough Ten

Magkakasama kaming nagkakape ng mga kaibigan kong mga lalaking heterosekswal. Kape ako, Red Horse sila. Kung saan saa napupunta ang usapan at di maiwasang magka kanta kantahan. Senti-sentihan ang mga kanta at syempre pa, bida ang mga bandang pinoy ay aternatib. Kapag natotoka sa akin ang pagkanta, hirit Eheads agad. Eheads Junkie ako. Yun na yon! Hindi ko na ikukwento ang storyang Eheads ko, basta, jowa ko dati si Ely Buendia. Wakokokoko. Nakahalata ang barkada na panay eheads ako. Nauwi sa usapang eheads at kanya kanyang pasikatan ng pinakapaboritong eheads songs.

Gusto kong mag tough ten eheads songs pero tough sa sobrang dami kong labs sa bandang ito. Di na included ang legendary With A Smile, Ang Huling El Bimbo, Toyang, Maling Akala at Pare Ko...given na yan...Yung Fill her ay album filler lang kaya di sya legit song...With those excluded, medyo mas madali pero, mahirap pa din. Ganto, random list of those with the easiest recall na lang... here goes...

#10 Fruitcake (Fruitcake)



Take a bite, its alright, a little loving and some fruit to bake, life is a piece of keheheheheyk...

#9 Alkohol (Circus)



Bouncy song... kahit di ako nainom, labs ko to... CR mo buong mundo!

#8 Alapaap (Circus)



Masdan mo'ng aking mata, di mo ba nakikita? Parang yung isang kanta din nila na Tikman ang Langit.

#7 Hard To Believe (Sticker Happy/Aloha Milkyway)



Coz your love is the only thing that matters in this world, the only thing I can believe...

#6 Harana (Banana Type)



Huwag nang malumbay, ang pag ibig ko ay tunay... so so so pinoy!

#5 Tindahan Ni Aling Nena (UtraElectroMagneticPop)



Natulala ako, laglag ang puso ko, nalaglag din ang sukang hawak ko... effort talagang mamemorya to! Pagdating sa bahay nagalit si nanay pero oks lang ako ay inlababoo nang tunahay! Inlababoo talaga eh!

#4 Maselang Bahaghari (Natin99)



Maselang Bahaghari sa aking isipan, wag kang mabahala di kita malilimutan...Reynbow ba!

#3 Wag kang Matakot (Natin99)



Wag kang matakot, di mo ba alam nandito lang ako sa iyong tabi, di kita pababayaan kailanman... hayyyy...

#2 Magasin (UltraElectroMagneticPop)



Iba na ang iyong ngiti, iba na ang iyong tingin, nagbago nang lahat sa yo ohhh hooo hooo!

#1 Ligaya (UltraElectroMagneticPop)



Gagawin ko ang lahat pati ang thesis mo, wag mo lang ipagkait ang hinahanap ko!


Hahay! EHeads beybeh!
Kasama dapat sa listahan ang Suntok sa Buwan at Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling Ka, kaso mga covers/revivals ang mga yon, so hindi dapat counted.... Ikaw, whats your fave eheads song?

I LOVE YOU EHEADS! I Love You ELY! Ikaw lang siguro ang ex ko na willing akong balikan mag rehab ka lang ng maayos na talaga!

RAKENROL!

P.S: Halos lahat ng senti songs ng eheads naging theme song ko sa isa sa mga tanginampakincheff kong mga ex. Hehehehe... Jologs ba?

Straigthening Up, Religion, and What-Nots

I initially wanted to do a simple movie review, but while I was composing my thoughts while sipping coffee at my favored hang out, all of a sudden, issues began to crop up. Ganito yun!

• Ze' Movie!

This is the movie that I intended to review. I am not really updated with movies and all, becasue (baw rason, rason, bubon!) my busy school/work/bum/biga schedules rarely afford me with free time. The movie has so many stereotypical and cliche elements, and the acting was kinda hysterical and a bit forgettable, but the impact it has left me with could be life changing that I have now decided to allow, when I can, missionaries of every sort to come and talk to me about their religion/s. Charing Kanding! Etchos Lucos! You could watch the entire movie in youtube so I will just post the part that provoked my thoughts. Here it is




You will find the scenes I'm talking about at around 02:46 but I recommend that you watch the movie from the very start. No spoilers.... hehehehehe

• Ze' Relax, Rebond, Karla Hair Straightening Cream Technique
  

Yes, there is a product called Karla Hair Straightening Cream! First off, I have always asked myself. If heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality are lifestyle and sexual preferences, would it be possible to 'straighten' or 'curl' people in one way or another? In one of the many conversations I had with my literary mother, Princess of the Literary Seas, Prof. John Iremil E. Teodoro, I asked this same question. He told me that according to Dr. Margarita Holmes, a famous sex psychologist and author of several books on sexuality in the Philippines, sexual preference, being a 'choice' may change over the course of time, or even all of a sudden. Mother John also said that when people say that homosexuality is a 'choice', what they mean is that they have the 'choice' to act/exhibit/manifest that sexuality. I have always believed that we do not choose our sexuality. That, also according to Darren Hayes of Savage Garden in the song "Affirmation;" that we can not control or choose our sexuality. After all, I know a lot of gay persons who would readily choose to be a heterosexual woman if it were just up to them to really choose, or lesbians who would rather be men, and on the other end of the spectrum, those who would rather be straight. Mother John said that this 'choice' is merely, in choosing to be open, flamboyant or loud, or be closeted, or simply be like those who are 'wala lang,' necessitating a highly attuned gaydar to detect one's pinkness. Simply put, 'kailangan pa ng kabibe ni Bangenge at ipahaplos pakaliwa, pakaliwa, pakaliwa!

Now I am confused. If preference is a matter of choice, could we really be made to change our minds and prefer something else through our own volition or through the application of force, intimidation, stealth, threat, brainwash, indoctrination, duress or torture? I am glad that I did not have such 'lublob sa dram' scene while being asked if I was lalaki or bakla. After all, being bisexual, I brought girlfriends home, and that, perhaps, befuddled my father in a way. I just resent such force and duress to 'straighten' someone out. After all, if the wonders of science still can not permanently straighten curly hair without the need for regular touch ups and/or follow up treatments, then perhaps, we should leave nature be. YES! You read it right! NATURE! Ngaa haw? Ngaa nga indi abi natural? May agi gani nga alimango, kag ayaw ka! Kay ang agi nga alimango mas namit ang aligi no!

• Ze' Relihiyon

Much have been said about religion and tolerance or acceptance with regards to people with 'alternative' sexuality. I shake in suppressed anger and resentment everytime my professors in law school make chauvinistic (chuva-nistic?) and sexist comments about homosexuals/homosexuality in our lectures. I fume and I am incensed but I try my best to quash the desire to just gather my books and do a walk-out in one of my classes, or better yet, punch the jack-ass in the face! As if I could do that without serious repercussions. I do not want to be expelled, or worse, face serious legal charges. After all, my teachers are not only lawyers, but prosecutors, judges, and what nots! So far, so good, though. In a few sem's time, I'd be done with law school and I am afraid of the scenario that awaits me, should I pass the bar soon. After all, these professors spawned not-so-enlightened homophobic students who are now practicing lawyers in the field out there! Speaking of enlightenment, this is my only compass in knowing whether a person, in his religious journey, is in the right path. I learned in Catechism classes during my Elementary years: that the devil (or any arch nemesis of good for that matter) can equally do supernatural or powerful things as what god (or any supreme divine being for that matter again) can do. In other words, the devil can also perform miracles, bring the dead back to life etcetera etcetera. However, there is only one thing that the devil can not do, and that is to LOVE another selflessly; this is the divine light and enlightenment ! After all, no light can come from darkness. Only light can create illumination and enlightenment. If this religion allows us to 'walk in the path of enlightenment, and allow us to seek the light, and love in the full brightness of day, then, we are walking in the right path! After all, God is love, and love knows no gender, age, sex, creed, race, religion or political conviction!




You may say, that it is easier said than done, and I plead guilty. If I were in the shoes of Christian, in the movie, I can not promise that I would be that strong to go through it all. I can not compete with a beloved's god, faith, or divinity. After all, I do not want to be a confusion in any one's life, in as much as I do not want a confusion in mine.

I only wish to love....
Be loved...
To enlighten...
And be enlightened
So help me __________!
(Fill in the blanks with your title of choice for the Supreme Being. If you are atheist, leave it blank. If you are a polytheist, you may use a separate sheet of paper. If you are agnostic, come back when you have made a choice)

Forgive me father for I have sinned. My flesh is weak, but it could be strong enough for my spirit to follow it.

And in conclusion... Haven't you asked this question that often crosses my mind?





What if, indeed?