I know this is a VERY difficult time. I know your pain. I have been there myself a couple of times, and not so very long ago. To be very honest with you, I do not know what to do. Not any better than the time it was my own heart that got broken. Well, actually, my heart is being broken too - by your tears. You see, that is the one thing I can not bear to see - the sight of someone in tears over some stupid uncertainty of loving and the loss it brought when the dreaming ends. What do I say? That there is hope? That somehow, soon enough, the person who broke your heart would come to terms and to proper senses? Really? You wanna hear that? Or do I tell you that you are strong and you can weather this one out? Come on! Haven't you heard that from me enough times already? Will it really make you feel better? Will it really ease the pain? Oh, right! The pain! The excruciating, boundless, incomparable pain! That! Trust me, I know the feeling so well. In fact, when I see your pain escape through your eyes, I feel my own broken heart. I still feel the scars there. Healed up, yes, but then again, the scars still hurt every now and then, especially on long lonely and cold moonlit nights, and when it rains. The scars in fact sometimes do open up with the slightest provocation! Remember that pain, dear. Relish. These are the moments that make you realize how alive you are! The greater the pain, they say, the greater the affirmation of your capacity to love. Blah blah blah, right? All you want right now is for everything to be fine again. To be once more back in those arms you longed to hold you. Really? So, have you thought of other arms out there? Other embraces? Oh, yeah, right, coming from me, that should be hearsay. I know, right! I haven't found those arms myself. Oh, but the journey - the wonderful journey. :)
And so you pick up the pieces. The problem with picking up the pieces, aside from obviously not knowing where and how to start, is the tears that come unbidden. It clouds your vision so you don't see really well, and some pieces are just too sharp. They prick and cut you, and then you bleed all over again. Yes, the pain! Well, you can leave the pieces for a little while, but not too long. Left alone, the pieces might not adhere all too well. We don't want that much gap when piecing them together do we? Oh, and some pieces are too small, they get blown away, so the sooner you get to them, the better chances of piecing them together without so much missing. Well, okay, fine, there will be missing pieces no matter how diligently you scour for them. Yes, you will never be the same. These things change you.
So, what now? After what? Six, seven years? Honestly, I don't have any idea. When my heart got blasted too, after ten years with that shmuck, I got lost too. Does it matter how long really? Well maybe, the longer it took, the harder it will be to be over. I cannot vouch for that. See, I'm a sucker for these things. Even my brief stints hurt as much as the longer ones. That's just me. So let me tell you a secret. You might not need the information now, but trust me, you will find it fun when you get to look back. It was nice being lost. :)
Maybe next time, I will be able to tell you about the wonderful art of falling out of love. You see, it completes the process sometimes. We never can say how we loved well if we do not see how well we fall out of love. After all, we only get one shot at that love which would last us a lifetime. Only one love that would never end. Well, sometimes we don't get a shot at it at all, but that's not my point. Maybe, next time, we can talk of how it is to rediscover yourself after the break up, but not now. You need time to linger - to indulge. Maybe, there will be no next time. See, I can only do so much and sooner or later, I really have to be not there. Friendship is a combination of being there, so that our friends would feel our support, and not being there, so that our friends would know that we are confident enough with their own strengths. Sometimes we need to be left alone, and I believe it is during these times that we are left alone that we grow much.
This is getting to be a long boring drone, and to end it, I can only let you borrow my own mantra for heartbreaks like these. "This, too, shall pass!" Not much of an incantation or a mantra right, but it has worked, tested and proven. This, too, shall pass, my friend. I am quite confident you will be okay in the end. As long as I can, meanwhile, you have my ears. You have my shoulders to cry on, and you have my hugs to at least tide you through. Just a spoonful of sugar, says Mary Poppins, helps the medicine go down, in the most delightful way. Oh, and yes, Kahlil Gibran was sooo right! So love shall crown you, so shall it crucify you. I love you friend. Please be okay soon.
Hugs and Kisses
Luis
Photo Credits: All pictures grabbed from google images
