Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 In Retrospect

In all gratitude I praise heavens for another wonderful albeit tumultuous year that was 2008. It had it shares of super ups and super downs, mountains peaks and trenches deep, and as the song goes, all that jazz; and may I add, those that rhumba, salsa, waltz, paso doble, and even harlems too.

As a way of chronicling a great year that was, here is my 2008 highlights, sidelights and dips, in retrospect.


The year opened with a big bang when I got me an email declaring me the Global Meritage Press Holiday Poetry Contest Grand Co-Winner for this prestigious international poetry tilt. Judge Eric Gamalinda lauded my Filipino poem O.N.S as a poem which was "deceptively old-fashioned like a kundiman but fused with a naughty graphic eroticism and verbal precision that no translation can do justice." He also said that the poem had "masterful lyricism." To receive such praise for my humble work from one of the best Contemporary Filipino Writer is more than just a late but great Christmas gift, not to forget being enlisted as winner along with great names in poetry like Luisa Igloria, Naya Valdelleon and Joel Toledo was more than this humble poet could ask for. This is my first Major Award for my writings and my First International Award. It is also uplifting to know that the poem is the first Non-English poem ever to win in the said awards. Read here.


One of my dreams came true this month. A long planned venture opened its doors and served artistry in the Batchoy Republic. I opened Kafe Binalaybay, an art's cafe, cum gallery, cum arts venue in Jaro. As I have said, one dream came true, and with the likes of Palanca Hall of Fame Awardee Dr. Leoncio Deriada, Urian Awards Lifetime Acheivement Awardee Kidlat Tahimik, Palanca and National Book Awardee Prof. John Iremil Teodoro, and a host of other distinguished artists making appearances and calling the cafe as their 'homes,' it is no less than Euphoria itself. The work was daunting and tiresome, and the business shaky, but the pay-off was more than its worth in pride and contribution to Arts, Culture and Literary Awareness in Iloilo City.

My birthday month has always been a month of celebrations and felicitations. A couple of good friends entered their signatures in the roll of attorneys in the Supreme Court, and my birthday celebration was a very nice cap-off to the month, not to forget the little bundle of joy for our family, with the birth (albeit premature, but very much welcomed and anticipated) of my younger sisters little baby angel boy Kiane Charles. Read about the kafe here.

As delayed as it can get, this month brought my late Christmas, Valentines and Birthday Present, wrapped in wits and good looks in a size 38 waistline, all big and bulky, ending my four years of singledom and signaling the start of a hot and scorching summer loving. Baboy stumbled into my life, literally and figuratively.

One hot scorching summer month with the parents receiving the approval for their petition for immigration to the US of A. This month is characterized by hot sweltering days and equally hot scorching nights with Baboy and some summer rain frolicks too.

The rains came and swept Iloilo in a deluge that went down in History as Frank swept away houses, property and even life, taking with it the cafe, as well as the short-lived affair with Baboy. For months after the storm, people were still picking up what was left of everything and trying their best to continue on with a semblance of life; me included.

An uneventful month filled with dark cold nights trying to live on and move forward after the storms Frank and Baboy characterized by long road trips and drives to forever.

Pretty much like the past month, but ending with a resounding and triumphant call. A small parcel arrived and in it was a cream colored envelope bearing a coat of arms. I could not help but shout in ecstasy and joy when I opened the letter that said I won my First Ever Palanca Awards. All roads led to Manila for that awards night at the Manila Pen Hotel.

Palanca fever was hotter than ever with the awards night and the aftershock still lingering and the thought of winning not quite sinking in. After three years of joining the competition, with the first entry making a near hit but not quite and the second entry year entry making it to the short list, third time's the charm so they say. For the first two weeks, Manila was my party zone, spending more than my winnings but going home with my head still in the clouds. It was a busy month for a new inductee and warm welcome and acknowledgment to the literary 'awarded'
community was the mode of the month. This month also saw my parents leave for USA, not to return for at least six months, for immigration.

The gateway of the blogosphere was opened and this blog was born. It was also a month of 'balancing' interests and commitments as new grounds opened, leaving lesser time for rest, but as always, ready to take that spur of the moment plunge to a quick get away to Bacolod and then some. Also, obligations and duties left by the parents were also tackled and integrated into the whole equation.

The month was ushered in by Halloween parties and dressing ups. A month of break neck speed and toxic schedules as photo shoots, interviews, panel duties, critic sessions, and preparations for organizing and holding a Regional Convention and Critical Discussion of Hiligaynon Literature was the mode of the week. Tail end of the month brought new challenges as a decision to get a part time ramp up job for a BPO came to mind, if only as an answer to the cold lonely nights given to sad introspections.

The month beautifully opened with a very successful holding of the Poetry Convention and Critical Discussions as a grant from the National Commission for Culture and the Arts pushed through. Work, school and false starts with relationships or something to that effect was set-off by another literary win of a Gawad Komisyon ng Wikang Fiipino Award. Work became the mode as I got accepted this month for the BPO ramp up job.

All in all, 2008 was a great year. It was a year well spent. Crazy, tumultuous, break neck, life changing, nerve wracking, heart breaking, soul wrenching, and I wouldn't want it any other way. There is only one way to live for me, and that is, to the utmost. A year closes, a new on opens, and with all that life brought and will still bring, I say, Bring it on!


Photo Credits:

Friday, December 26, 2008

Peace on Eartha!

Goodbye Eartha!

Finally hurried down the Chimney Christmas Night... Hopefully, Santa Baby was there on the final hours

Because I sometimes want to be evil too...

But sometimes, smoke gets in my eyes

But I never allow them to kiss me on a Sunday... never

Though usually, I don't really care

But my Love Ain't for Sale

Like you, I wonder where he is...

So fare the well, Queen Eartha...


From the Philippines with love and admiration...
Goodbye Cat Woman!


Thursday, December 25, 2008


3 of my favorite singers sings Christmas carols for y'all



At para contemporary



Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Dear J

Dear J,

I wrote a letter to two people. One for you and one for the big fat bearded man. I am publishing that other letter soon, but anyhoot, how are you?

I'm fine down here. I'm working on midnight shift tonight when the clock strikes twelve and it's officially Christmas Day this side of the planet.

It's really cold and lonely here and it's gripping at me, and every second it gets harder to fill my heart with the supposed Christmas cheer. It's not that this is because I am alone and lonely and have no one to call mine but it's one of them biggest reasons. Well technically there is someone, but I know that his being with me is either borne out of the same loneliness, or just that silly bet he made with his friends. My well meaning friends tell me and I do know that there are a thousand and one reasons to be happy, and not concentrate on that one single fact alone to dampen my moods, but what can I do. I feel it! There are a barrage of messages coming from people greeting me a merry Christmas, some as early as yesterday, to avoid the Christmas Texting Jam tonight. I do love my friends and I appreciate them remembering me, but this year, I am abstaining from texting all contacts and just trust that in my heart I have a warm greeting for each one of them.

I have gotten each one but myself a gift already, but none as expressive as the gratitude in my heart for these people. For their presence in my life and for their gift of friendship. Still, there is the cold and loneliness and every so often, my eye would water at the thought of the absence.

I miss even those people that I know I have no business missing, better best forgotten, and I know it's just the season, and I get jealous with all the warmth from people who have each other. As one blogger puts it, I too ask, where my fruitcake is, or for that matter, my panettone, as after all, panettone goes better with coffee, and then it struck me.

This is all a gift from you! My Christmas gift! THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT OF FEELING THE LONELINESS AND THE COLD. Thank you, perhaps, for the loneliness and the cold, too. Thank you that I am still able to feel all these; that I am not a cold bitter and jaded soul, who only flips his hair and walks nonchalantly into the crisp cold December night. Thank you ever so much that I am still able to feel the wonderful sorrow of being on my own. Thank you for the gift of feeling and empathy. I shall hold these close to my heart, and perhaps, a thousand and one poems would bloom from this seed I plant. I pray too that this be never taken away from me; that I never reach the point where I become an unfeeling mindless automaton of a walking talking but unfeeling human.

I hope all those given the same gift you gave me this year would thank you too.




Tuesday, December 23, 2008

This Is A Crazy Planet(s)

True enough, what Stella Strada said in her suicide note is correct. She may have gone and created the most ungrammatical suicide note but, indeed, this is a crazy planets.

I have not made a post since I am reeling in from things that have been happening of late, and yes, right she is, this is a crazy panets.

Backtrack muna ng konti.

Na extend ako sa trabaho. Dapat sana hanggang last week lang, pero merong na plot na schedule for me this week. Athough it would just be a 4-day week for me at work, thing is, most of the ramp up hires were not given any schedules this week anymore.

Super enjoy naman ako sa work and I am getting the hang of it, at masaya naman. I love the people I am working with and especially so na marami akong friends dun dati pa nung hindi pa ako nag ramp up dito.

Sa dami ng nangyayari hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibo-blog, pero ito talaga ang super nakakawindang.

Sunday, nagkaroon ng grand office party ang buong BPO sama sama ang lahat ng limang account sa opisina. Late na ako kasi feeling ko naman, di ako makakarelate sa program dahil puro mga regular agents naman ang makakarelate sa program sa mga awards awards eklat na yan.

Naubusan na ako ng food and drinks chip but I really did not mind. Andun ako para makisaya sa mga kasama kong ramp up agents sa campaign namin sa aming account. Super hataw at super dance to death sa party. Later in the evening, either umiskyerda na sa mga sariling gimik ang mga utaw or super wasted na... I was just standing by the sidelights, then it happened.

Someone approached me, smiled, introduced himself and said hi. Sphinx-like smile lang ako. Okay naman sya. Usap usap, tanong tanong ng mga usual na tanong, and suddenly when I was about to excuse mysef, pasimple nyang hinawakan ang kamay ko... The convy was a little kinda something like this. Let's just call him Crazy Guy!

CG: Ahmmm, sorry if I'm starting to bore you, so ok, let me get to the real reason why I introduced myself.
Me: Uhum!
CG: Actually, medyo pinaguusapan ka kasi ng team namin na ramp up din sa kabilang campaign eh. (Inbound sila)
Me: Yeah? (Hmmmm...)
CG: Ano daw kasi, maganda daw kasi boses mo at laging maganda ang opening spiel kahit swamped ng calls at naririnig namin minsan na nag cu-curse ka under your breath, pero pag sasagot na, laging amiable at warm... astig nga eh.
Me: Ha? Ganun ba! (Nakakatuwa naman to)
CG: Well actually, here's the deal, pinagpupustahan namin kasi magka team eh. Suplado ka daw kasi. Actually, I'm the third to make a move. Yung dalawang emissary namin, failure. Yung isang babae, nginitian mo lang tapos wala, dedma na. Yung pangalawa, guy, ni hindi mo nga pinansin.
Me: So, pinagpupustahan nyo ako? Ganun? Pustahan na?
CG: Na makilala at maging ka close ka, something to that effect or better than that.
Me: Mabait naman ako ah, you just have to know how to push the right buttons eh. So panalo ka na nito? Magkano naman ang pustahan?
CG: Kasi pag nasa floor, lagi kang work mode on eh... Ahmmm... a week's pay (which is almost 2k din naman give or take) pero hindi pa ako panalo eh.
Me: What do you mean? Eh di ba nga, your talking to me now, you got my name and all? What do you mean di ka pa panalo?
CG: Eh kasi nga, I upped the ante, kaka challenge ka kasi eh (at this point, he gave my hand a squeeze) and I don't think you are suplado. I think you are actually cute !
Me: (AY POTAH! Wag ka ganyan! Papatulan kita eh! Anlamig kaya! At lonely lang ako kaya ako work mode! SIYETH!) What do you mean, up the ante? Have sex with me, is that it?
CG: Ahmmm...(gave another squeeze) Something like that, for double the wager, only better, I wanna be with you as your lover!
Me: (LETCHE!) Hahahaha! Some nerves you've got, there, buddy! What makes you think I'd say yes to that?
CG: How does half the wager sound to you? And I think you'll say yes (sabay angat ng kamay ko na hawak nya) I have been holding you for five minutes. No flinch... sabay smile ang gagu!
Me: Well... push your luck! I say yes... one week! Deal, but money down and I don't want half, I want two thirds! (TAE! I am being objectified!) And you can keep holding my hand for the night, too.
CG: (Tuwang tuwa!) Great! I say let's seal the deal! (At bigla akong hinila sa gilid at hinalikan)
Me: (POTAH!) Let's go for broke, I say consummate the deal! (At kailangan pa bang imemorize yan?)

KALOWKA DAVA? My Lover by default ako bigla because of a silly pustahan! I feel like that movie ni Claudine at Rico Yan! TANGINAMPAKINCHEF! The things a man would do because of loneliness!

Kanina, sa trabaho, nagulat ako kasi nag drop by si CG. Alam ko tapos na ramp up nila ang he was not extended.

Me: Hey! Why are you here, I thought you weren't extended?
CG: Well, I wanted to see you, and I had nothing to do tonight, Nasanay sa night shift mode eh. Masama ba to check on my boyfriend? Hihintayin sana kita bumaba for your break eh, kaso I got bored downstairs so I decided to come over and say hi.
Me: Wait I got a call. See you later downstairs, wait for me.
Sinasagot ko na ang call, when I felt a big warm hug enveloping me from my back and a nippy kiss on my neck!

Nilingon ko si CG and he had the biggest smile. Mukhang nanalo sa lotto! From the corner of my eye, I saw FW looking... Sorry FW... too slow...

And please... No Congratulations... I ain't got no lover. I got me a biz pardner... BLEECH!

Photo Credits:

Friday, December 19, 2008


Magkahalong malas at swerte today.

MALAS! I overslept. Resulta, naghahangos ako humandang pumasok sa trabaho.

SWERTE! Nung tinignan ko ang phone ko, may text ako na nagsasabing ayos na ang sasakyan ko. Aabot ako kung ako na magdadrayb papasok sa work.

Dala dala ko na lahat ng gamit ko. Hindi ko mahanap ang brown dress jacket na lagi kong suot pag pumapasok! Yung isang jacket ko na lang sa car ang gagamitin ko.

MALAS! Naka atras pa ang ako at di pa nakakalabas ng gate, namatay ang makina! Ayaw magstart. Na diskargado ang baterya sa tagal na hindi nagagamit!

Iniwanan ko na ang sasakyang naka harang sa bukana ng gate, tinawag ang kasambahay at pinapagawan ko ng paraan sa kapatid kong lalaking maibalik muna sa ayos para maisara ang gate kasi mali-late na nga ako. Lumabas na ako at magtataxi na lang.

SWERTE! Biglang daan ang pamilyar na sasakyan sa harapan ko. Si panyerong Harry, hatid nya si Kumareng Apple kasi dun din nagtatrabaho si kumare. Libreng sakay and in the nick of time naman!

Almost made it for the log-in. Kakahangos ko inuhaw ako.

MALAS! Naiwan ko thermal mug sa sasakyan. Wala akong magagamit ngayon para mapaglagyan ng tubig! Nanunuyo na lalamunan ko sa sunod sunod na tawag na sinagot ko.

Napansin siguro ni FW na balisa ako. Lumapit sya.

FW: What seems to be the problem? You look bothered!
Me: Nothing, I'm just really thirsty (Tangina! Ba't ba Freudian lagi ang mga naiisip ko sa mga sagot ko kay FW?) I left my thermal mug. I have no cup to use for drawing water. (Concerned ka naman masyado eh! Di na kaya kita gusto no!)

SWERTE! Bumalik si FW sa station nya sabay-

FW: Here, use this, that's an extra (sabay abot ng thermal mug na may laman nang tubig)
I drew water for you too so you won't go aux 6 anymore. Go drink it, thats clean.
Me: Thanks, your so kind, and yes, I'm really thirsty (sabay ubos sa laman ng baso) More please? Sabay smile!

Magkahalong inis, tuwa, mangha at tawa ang expression ni FW. Bah! Utusan ko ba naman kasi no?

Nung nag break ako agad ko hinanap ang telepono ko. Kailangan ko ma-itext si Bryan na maremind na sa work na nya ako sunduin kasi nga aatend kami sabay ng awards ceremony ng gawad komisyon sa sentro ng wikang filipino alas nwebe ng umaga. Sabay na kami kasi nanalo din sya dun.

MALAS! Hindi ko mahanap ang telepono ko. Iniisip ko, naiwanan ko din sa sasakyan, nahulog sa sasakyan ni Panyero sa sobrang pagmamadali o nahulog sa floor. PATAY! Eh di na bisto na nagdadala ako ng cellphone sa loob ng work area!

SWERTE! Tinanong ko sa Team Lead namin kung sakaling me makitang telepono. Dinescribe ko ang phone. Nakita nga ang phone ko!

Biglang tanong ni Mommy TL. Anong wallpaper kung talagang sa yo yan? PATAY! Sumagot ako "Violinist po!" Ngising aso si Mommy.

TL: Sa'yo nga to! Mamya mo na kunin pag off mo... sabay ngisi
Me: Mommy bakit ganyan ka maka ngiti (closeness kasi kami ni Mommy dati pa nung patambay tambay pa lang ako sa baba.
TL: Wala akong problema tungkol dyan, sya meron. Sabay nguso kay FW. Sya nakakita ng telepono at nagtataka sya.
Me: Bakit Mommy?
TL: Kaibigan nya si Violinist mo! (alam kasi ni mommy tungkol kay DV) Kasama nya sa Jazz Band!
Me: HA? Si FW? May Jazz BAND? Tanginampakincheff! Don't tell me saxophonist sya! Tae!
TL: Hindi. Bokalista!
TL: Nagtataka kumbakit anjan ang kaibigan/cell fone ng kaibigan nya sa floor!
Me: Ahmmm Mommy, kailangan ko na mag log-in. Overbreak na yata ako!

MALAS! Paano ako magpapasalamat kay FW? Paano ko isosoli ang thermal mug nya mamya?

Chika ko ang katabi kong cubicle na friend ko. Biglang nag raise sya ng hand na kunwari me itatanong kay FW na concern. Lapit si FW sa kanya. Kinuha nya ang thermal mug ni FW

Friendship: Ahmmm FW, it was Luis' Phone and he would like to say thanks... and for this thermal mug too.


MALAS! Buong gabi akong iniwasan ni FW. Kahit mega raise ako ng hand, kukunwa syang pupunta para mag assist sa isang agent sa malayong cubicle. Panay si Mommy TL ang sumasalo sa concern ko.

Me: Mommy, galit yata si FW ayaw nya ako pansinin
TL: Na hurt siguro
Me: NA? Na wall paper ko si DV at hindi sya?
TL: Abayma!

SWERTE! Nung nag lunch break ako, kinorner ko na si FW

Me: Thanks for finding my phone and for the thermal mug. You know DV?
FW: Your welcome, yeah, I know him (curtly)
Me: Ah! Good cause I'd like to know if it's ok... when can we start on our Violin lessons, because he seem always busy.
FW: OH! So he's your violin mentor I was wondering how.... (trails off)

MALAS! Late ampotang Bryan, ang usapa aas otso nya ako sunduin pag ka off ko. Uuwi saglit, magbibihis. At dahil late nga sya, mukhang engot ang suot ko na kagabi pa!

SWERTE! Pagdating sa awarding, naka casual lang din naman ang lahat. Kung natuloy ang plano, overdressed sana ako.

MALAS! Nandun nagtatrabaho ang kapatid ng isang bitter ex ko! Akmang lalapitan nya ako ng...

SWERTE! Nandun nagtatrabaho ang nanay ni Charm at biglang eksena si tita on cue! Talikod si ex's sister!

Much much later in the day....

MALAS! Habang nag aabang ako ng masasakyan, biglang dumaan sa harapan ko ang isa ko pang past affair, kaakbayan ang isang mukhang bagong jowa ata nya

PA: Hi nag iisa ka yata... asan ang sasakyan mo? Ba't ka nag aabang ng masasakyan?

SWERTE! Biglang parada ng isang magarang Honda Civic... si CC!

CC: Master POET! Sakay na pogi!

Mabilis pa sa kidlat at walang kaabog abog, sakay ako... naiwanang nakatunganga ang letcheng PA at swanget nyang bagong jowa. Mas kyuti kaya si CC.

CC: You look struck! Kofi?
Me: Sori CC, raincheck! Im so tired I had a long day, I just wanna go home please?
CC: I'm sori, ok, I will take you home....

Yes, please... take me home!
I know what happens next in the cycle today... the malas!

MALAS! May work pa ako mamyang 12, at wala pa rin akong tulog up to now....

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Tough Ten

Magkakasama kaming nagkakape ng mga kaibigan kong mga lalaking heterosekswal. Kape ako, Red Horse sila. Kung saan saa napupunta ang usapan at di maiwasang magka kanta kantahan. Senti-sentihan ang mga kanta at syempre pa, bida ang mga bandang pinoy ay aternatib. Kapag natotoka sa akin ang pagkanta, hirit Eheads agad. Eheads Junkie ako. Yun na yon! Hindi ko na ikukwento ang storyang Eheads ko, basta, jowa ko dati si Ely Buendia. Wakokokoko. Nakahalata ang barkada na panay eheads ako. Nauwi sa usapang eheads at kanya kanyang pasikatan ng pinakapaboritong eheads songs.

Gusto kong mag tough ten eheads songs pero tough sa sobrang dami kong labs sa bandang ito. Di na included ang legendary With A Smile, Ang Huling El Bimbo, Toyang, Maling Akala at Pare Ko...given na yan...Yung Fill her ay album filler lang kaya di sya legit song...With those excluded, medyo mas madali pero, mahirap pa din. Ganto, random list of those with the easiest recall na lang... here goes...

#10 Fruitcake (Fruitcake)

Take a bite, its alright, a little loving and some fruit to bake, life is a piece of keheheheheyk...

#9 Alkohol (Circus)

Bouncy song... kahit di ako nainom, labs ko to... CR mo buong mundo!

#8 Alapaap (Circus)

Masdan mo'ng aking mata, di mo ba nakikita? Parang yung isang kanta din nila na Tikman ang Langit.

#7 Hard To Believe (Sticker Happy/Aloha Milkyway)

Coz your love is the only thing that matters in this world, the only thing I can believe...

#6 Harana (Banana Type)

Huwag nang malumbay, ang pag ibig ko ay tunay... so so so pinoy!

#5 Tindahan Ni Aling Nena (UtraElectroMagneticPop)

Natulala ako, laglag ang puso ko, nalaglag din ang sukang hawak ko... effort talagang mamemorya to! Pagdating sa bahay nagalit si nanay pero oks lang ako ay inlababoo nang tunahay! Inlababoo talaga eh!

#4 Maselang Bahaghari (Natin99)

Maselang Bahaghari sa aking isipan, wag kang mabahala di kita malilimutan...Reynbow ba!

#3 Wag kang Matakot (Natin99)

Wag kang matakot, di mo ba alam nandito lang ako sa iyong tabi, di kita pababayaan kailanman... hayyyy...

#2 Magasin (UltraElectroMagneticPop)

Iba na ang iyong ngiti, iba na ang iyong tingin, nagbago nang lahat sa yo ohhh hooo hooo!

#1 Ligaya (UltraElectroMagneticPop)

Gagawin ko ang lahat pati ang thesis mo, wag mo lang ipagkait ang hinahanap ko!

Hahay! EHeads beybeh!
Kasama dapat sa listahan ang Suntok sa Buwan at Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling Ka, kaso mga covers/revivals ang mga yon, so hindi dapat counted.... Ikaw, whats your fave eheads song?

I LOVE YOU EHEADS! I Love You ELY! Ikaw lang siguro ang ex ko na willing akong balikan mag rehab ka lang ng maayos na talaga!


P.S: Halos lahat ng senti songs ng eheads naging theme song ko sa isa sa mga tanginampakincheff kong mga ex. Hehehehe... Jologs ba?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Sun Sand and Sea in Antique

I couldn't come up with anymore excuses. When Mother John texted me once again to come to Maybato Norte in Antique, I conceded. I ran out of excuses.

Makailang beses na rin ako iniimbita ng aking nanay sa panulatan na bumisita pero laging hindi natutuloy. Either something comes up sa kanya o sa aking schedule at lagi na lang nauunsyami, o di kaya, tinatamaan ng katamaran o nasasayangang pumunta kung di naman din ang matagal tagal tulad ng mga dalawa o tatlong araw.

Last weekend, nag yaya ulit si Mother John. Magbababang luksa kasi sila sa Nanay nila. Ang tawag sa amin nun "Bungkag Lalaw". Ang tawag naman sa kanila, Hukas Lalaw. Pagkatapos ng Friday Shift ko, gusto ko na dumiretso sa Maybato pero tinamaan ng tamadgic syndrome kaya Sunday ng umaga na ako tumulak papuntang Antique.

Parusa halos ang liliko likong daan na nasa gilid ng bundok at napakadelikado. Bituka ng manok halos. Nadaanan namin ang isang thermal trak na natumba sa daan at dalawang tulay din ang inaayos pa. Ramdam pa rin ang pinsalang dulot ng Bagyong Frank. Hindi na ako nakatulog sa L300 Van gaya nung isa at unang pagkakataong bumiyahe ako papuntang San Jose Antique nung mag B.O.S at Immersion kami para sa Para Legal Training ko sa Alternative Law Groups tatlong summer na ang nakakaraan. Paano ba naman kasi eh parang nasa octopus ride ako sa perya sa grabeng paliko liko at lulubak lubak na daan.

Mga dalawang oras humigit kumulang din ang byahe galing Iloilo hanggang nakarating ako sa bahay ni Mother John sa Maybato at piyesta ang dinatnan ko. Niloko ko si Mother John na ambongga bongga naman ng debut nya, imbitado kasi ang buong baranggay. Baha ang pagkain at inumin. Pyestang pyesta at taob ang miting de abanse. Maliit pa nga daw yun, sabi ni Sunshine na bunso nila Mother! I could imagine kung ano ang malaking handaan!

Nakakatuwa ang mga kwento ni Mimi na kapatid ni Mother John, at namiss ko din si Shine, ang bunsong kapatid nila Mother na nag memedicine at kaibigan ko din. Pati si Tatay nila, nakakatuwa. Magpapakasal sa susunod na Linggo! KABOG! Mag aasawang muli si Kapitan! TARAY!

Kinagabihan, gusto ko sanang tumambay tambay sa plaza pero deikado daw sabi ni Mother John. Nadisappoint naman ako kasi iniimadyin ko ang San Jose bilang isang progresibong kapital town ng probinsya o di kaya, isang "little town, little quiet village" kung saan pwedeng mag yosi yosi at mag usap usap sa plaza. Hindi pala. Sabi ni Mother, kasi nga daw, nasa akward stage ang San Jose. Not so little, but not yet big. Confused and violent stage of indecision daw. Since ayoko naman i push ang isyu, sa bahay na lang kami nung gabing yun at wala pang alas diyes, natulog na kami.

Masarap ang mini pahinga/bakasyon sa bahay ng Mother John. Magiliw at masuyo ang lahat ng tao, at alaga naman ako. Ayoko halos umalis sa kwarto ni Mother na nagmistulang library sa dami ng libro. I LIKE! Nasa kama lang ako nakahilata at nagyoyosi habang nagbabasa. Sarap ng buhay!

Syempre pa! Hindi mawawala ang paliligo sa dagat! Kaya nag tampisaw ang Sirenang Makata at ang kanyang anak sa dagat ng Maybato. Sabi ko sa Mother John, kailangan ko makaligo sa dagat ng Maybato at baka yun ang sikreto na naging magaling na manunulat siya. Baka mabahaginhan din ako ng Magic ng dagat ng Maybato. Baka pagkatapos ko maligo dun, dadami pa ang Palanca Award ko at magkakaroon din ako ng National Book Award at kung ano ano pang mga karangalan sa pagsusulat.

Ayoko pa sanang umuwi nung Lunes kasi nag paiwan ang Mother John dahil at stake ang state ng Kinaray-a Literature sa kanyang gagawin kung bakit hindi pa sya makakasabay sa akin pauwi ng Iloilo gaya ng unang napagusapan namin, pero kailangan na talaga. I swear! Babalik ako dun! Pramis!

Gaya ng sabi ng isang kantang Kinaray-a:

"Mauli gid ako sa Antique. Mabalik gid ako sa banwa nga matawhay. Mauli gid ako sa Antique, Kay na hidlaw run gid takun sang raha sa balay!"

Thanks for having me there Mother John. It was a much needed soul-break!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Hu R U?

There's this burning question on my mind right now. I called in sick at work last Thursday. I had body pains and malaise, fever and chills and no matter how I wanted to get up, I can not coax my body to do it. It simply won't cooperate.

I hated it that I had to miss work that day.

The next day, I reported back to work with a medical certificate and worried friends asking if I was alright. I still ran a fever that day. When I had my first break for the night, I went out for a smoke and I assured my friends that I was all right.

When I came back to my cubicle, I saw these. It has my name on it, but no other information. No notes nor sender's name. Who might you be, and what is it that you want from me? Why?

Cute M&M's August Bear and White and Blue Roses found on my cubicle

Nobody seemed to have noticed anyone sneak these in on my cubicle, or maybe no one wants to tell me. I know that when you receive gifts, you do not ask why, you just say thanks, but hey, whoever you might be, thank you, but I have a few questions for you.

1. How did you know I love white roses?

2. How did you know I was wanting a little bear to bring to work?

3. Where are the chocolates? Hehehehe

Why? Why do this? If this is a get well soon gift, it worked, dear. It made my night, but you see, there is the pervading cold loneliness that you might be able to take away too. Oh and by the way, much as they are lovely to look at, I hate "blue" roses. The way they dye and stain the pure whites slay me. Also, the green bear is adorable, but it also says that it is the M&M's August Bear. It's a Peridot birth month bear, but see, I was born March. Is this a clue to who you are? Are you an August Bear? Do you want me to make you my August Bear and make me your March Bear? But thanks nevertheless. If you are just a friend, why the mysterious anonymity? Most of all, WHO ARE YOU?

I feel like a High School kid with a secret admirer all over again and I feel so giddy. WTF! If you think this would be mysteriously exciting and you want to kill me with anticipation and intrigue, well it did work! AWWWWWW!

I'm so sorry. The whole floor knows about it now. You and your little gifts. You may find it harder to sneak in a second gift next time. I didn't mean to, but see, you don't get away from questions when you log off with a nice bunch of roses and a cute little bear plus a grin from ear to ear!

Oh and one last thing, I really need to know your name, because the cute little bear needs a name too. Any suggestions?

Photo Credits:

Thursday, December 11, 2008


After that longish post on open relationships I will attempt to OPEN some things some more.

It has been a while since I last posted poetry in this blog so I am posting one of my recent works. By way of a backgrounder, I wrote this piece after the opening night of Babak Niaraki's nude photography exhibit. I noticed a guy staring endlessly at my photo. When he notices people looking at him stare, he would slink away, but come back later for more staring. I noticed him take a photo of that print of mine too. I wrote this poem with him in mind and as a way of thanking him for the silent adulation.

I really write most of my literary pieces in Hiligaynon, especially my poems, and I do not relish translating them but I know people reading this blog would ask for a translation anyway, so I tried. Oo Zen Bitch at YJ kayo yun! Hehehehe

Anyhoot... enjoy

Ni Luis Batchoy

(para sa isa ka nagdayaw sa hublas nga laragway ko
sa eksibit sang mga litrato nga kuha ni Babak Niaraki)

Ako sa panulukan mo.
Dira sa litrato
Nga kagaina mo pa ginatamdan.

Sa paghapulas
Sang panulok mo sa laragway ko,
Ang akun kaunuran.

Sa ma id-id mo
Nga pag himutad sa litrato ko,
May ginasagap nga sabat
Ang imo paino-ino.

Sa pag paagi mo
Sa kada kahilit hilitan,
May ginatukib ka
Nga kung anano nga nalipdan.

Ang pagpamangkutanon
Nabalhag sa imo guya.
Nga nalaktan sang pagkahangawa.

Dili mo dira masalapuan
Ang imo ginapangita
Sa malamig ko nga litrato.

Balikda bala ako
Yari sa likod mo
Ginasiguro ko sa imo
Nga nyan imo masumalangan.

Ang sabat, sa akon
Buhi, nagaginhawa
Kag nagakalayo sa kainit nga lawas.

Yari ang nalipdan
Nga luyag mo tukibon.
Dayawa ako,
Kahangawai, himayaa!

Ang hublas nga laragway ko
Hinigugma, pabayui na.
Balikda ako nga yari sa likod mo
Tuluka, kag hublasi, dali-a!

Ni Luis Batchoy

(para sa isang nagpapuri sa hubad na larawan ko
sa eksibit ng mga litratong kuha ni Babak Niaraki)

Ako sa paningin mo.
Dyan sa litrato
Na kanina mo pa pinagmamasdan.

Sa paghaplos
Ng iyong tingin sa larawan ko,
Ang aking kalamnan.

Sa mabusisi mong
Pag himutad sa litrato ko,
May hinahanap na sagot
Ang iyong pagmumuni

Sa pag pagpasada mp
Sa bawat kasulok-sulukan,
May dinidiskubre kang
Kung anong nakatago.

Ang pagtatanong
Nababanaag sa iyong mukha.
Pag papapuri
Na nahahaluan ng pagkamangha.

Di mo dyan matatagpuan
Ang iyong hinahanap
Sa malamig na litrato ko.

Lingunin mo kasi ako
Nandito sa likuran mo
Sinisiguro ko sa yo
Na tiyak iyong masusumpungan.

Ang sagot, sa aking
Buhay, humihinga
At nagumaapoy sa init na katawan.

Narito ang nakatago
Na gusto mong madiskubre.
Papurihan mo ako
Kamanghaan, Luwalhatiin!

Ang hubad na larawan ko
Hinigugma, damitan mo na
Lingunin mo ko na nasa likod mo
Titigan, at hubaran, bilisan na!

By Luis Batchoy

(for one who praised my naked picture
in an exhibit of photgraphs shot by Babak Niaraki)

I Am Naked
In your view.
In that picture
That you have long been staring at.

In the caress
Of your sight to my picture,
My flesh

With your close scrutiny
Of my picture,
There is an answer
That your thoughts seek.

With the way you perused
Every nook and cranny
You wanted to unveil
Whatsoever is that which is enshrouded.

The very question
Is written all over your face.
Mixed with being amazed.

You will not find
What you seek
There in my cold picture.

Look back and you'll see
That I am here behind you
I assure you
That there and then you'd discover.

The answer in my
Living, breathing
And flaming hot body.

Here's what's enshrouded
That you want to unveil.
Praise me
Be amazed, glorify!

My naked photograph
Beloved, dress it up now.
Look back at me
Stare at, and undress me, quick!

Photo Credits:

OPEN Sesame

Our lesson for today is about Open Relationships...

Eklat lang. Naiinis ako today kasi pagod/antok ako pero di ako makatulog kasi brown out at super init. Putcha! I swear mamya pag balik ng kuryente matutulog lang ako at di ako papasok sa school. Promise!

Anyhoot, nagbabasa basa ako ng mga bagong posts sa blog roll ko at nakita ko ang post ni Wandering Commuter. Basahin dito! Ito naman ang aking take sa isyu na yun.

Simula't sapul sasabihin ko na ayoko ng open relationship at hindi ko nakikita ang sarili ko na magkaroon ng ganito or ma involve sa isang relasyong ganito. On the flip side naman, sasabihin ko na rin na ang bottom line naman nito ay "To each his own!" Kanya kanyang diskarte yan, at sabi nga ni Candy Pangillinan dati sa isang comedy show "San ka BET! AMAZING!" Kung sa'n ka bet, dun ka... Di ko lang talaga keri itey. Kumbakit... tunghayan.

Base sa aking limitadong kaalaman at estadistika sa bagay na ito (estadistika daw oh!), karamihan sa mga kakilala ko na nasa open relationship ay:

1. Matagal na na mag jowa.

Siguro nga, isa ito sa mga pamamaraan kung paano, nasasagot ng mga matagal nang mag jowa ang isyu tungkol sa pagkakasawaan. Aminado ang mga kakilala kong nasa gantong set-up na sa tagal ng pagsasama, di naiiwasan na magkaroon ng "umay" factor. Nirarason nila na isa sa mga nakapagbibigay ng "spice" o nakakapag papa "keep fresh" ng relasyon nila ang patuloy na pakikipag "halubilo" sa mga prospects at "open to open" na mga tao. Mainam kung gayon, pero ang argumento ko laban dito ay dalawa. Una, kung kelan pa tumgal saka pa naging mabuyo. Tumanda ata ng paurong eh. At pangalawa, dontcha think hindi mashadong magandang ehemplo sa mga batang nangangarap mag karoon ng eksklusibong relasyon ang ganito? Parang iisipin ko pa lang mali na agad eh. Kasi parang hindi sya magandang motivation. Parang ganito ang statement na naipaparating nun sa akin eh. Ito ba ang ilu-look forward ko na kahihinatnan ng aking magiging relasyon pag tumagal na? Ayokong isipin na ganun nga! KOOOYAH WAG POOOH! Etching sa glass!

2. Mga Magjowang nahuling me iba, pinatawad, gumanti, pinatawad, ad nauseum.

Obyusli, vicious cycle itey. Kasama na din dito ang mga me drama sa buhay na, "Eh sa ganun sha eh, mahilig... kaya tinatanggap ko na lang. Basta ba sa akin sya umuuwi eh. At saka, minsan naman, ginagawa ko rin naman para ma remind lang sya na kaya ko din gumanti!" This is so wrong! Ewan ko lang ha, kasi naniniwala ako na ang ugali nakakasanayan at naaadjust or napaguusapan at nakakapag compromise, pero pag third party na ang pag uusapan, talu-talo na. Then again, ako lang naman to. Nandito na din nakapaloob ang mga nag rarason na "Mahal ko eh!" Pinipilit kong wag sumigaw ng "TANGA MO KASI EH!" Pero sige, hayaan na natin sila sa mga kadramahan nila sa buhay. Kanilang eksena yan, wag nangingialam. Ang argument ko lang sa puntong to ay ganito. I have the simplest of tastes, I only want the best! I may not always get what I want, I may not even get what I need, but for sure, I know for a fact that I will always get what I deserve. I don't think I deserve anything less... Now! Deserve me!

3. Mahilig/Commitment Phobic

Rason din ito ng mga taong takot sa exclusivity. Rason pa nila, mas maganda pa nga na kahit walang commitment, eh nandyan pa rin. Kasama din dito ang malamang, pagkakagusto dun sa sinabi ni Mew sa huling scene ng The Love of Siam na "I can not be your boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I do not love you!" Ewan! Anlabo! Bobo na ako kung bobo pero hindi ko getch kung panong nangyari yun. Mahal mo pero can not be your boyfriend? Hindi ba talaga pwede o ayaw mo lang? Simple lang naman kasi ang alam ko dito eh. Sabi lang naman kasi ni Sex Bomb Rochelle "Kung ano ang nasa puso mo, sundin mo! Get get AWWWW!!! Jologs ko no?

4. LDR's

Aside from the fact na mahirap na to start with ang set up na to, nag kakaroon din ng open relationships ang mga nagkakaroon ng Long Distance Relationships dahil nga sa physical detatchment at imposibilidad na magkasama at mag alam mo na! Kaya, pampaubag loob, at sabi pa nila "naiintindihan ko kung maghahanap ka dyan dahil pangangailangan mo yan, at wala naman ako at di ko maibibigay ang pangangailangan mong yan!" Ayambotchaay! I don't get it! Masalimuot na nga ang relasyong LDR at isa din yan sa mga bagay na hindi ko kayang pasukin. Pisikal akong tao at isa sa mga demands ko talaga ay pisikal na presensya ng minamahal. Sabi ni Lola Whitney she needs a man who'll take a chance on a love that burns hot enough to last, but when the night falls, her lonely heart calls, daw. In other words, malanderj sya! Yun na yun! Ang argument ko naman dito ay simple lang din ulit. I don't care how you get here just get here if you can! Yun na!

5. Sundry account

Dito na pagsama samahin lahat ng rason kumbakit nagkaka open relationship. Kasama dito ang kaeklatan na "Window Period" kung saan, mahal ka na nya pero hindi pa sya ready, "Road Test" kung saan testingin muna ang relasyon na para bagang ito'y isang sasakyan, "Blind Bluff" kung saan tinetesting din kung makakasurvive sa phase na itey ang relasyon na para bagang lab experiment ang pagmamahal at madaming nalalamang litmus test ang mga hinayupaks, at "Waiting Room" kung saan mahal ka na nya pero me jowa pa sya kaya open relationship muna ang kaya nyang ibigay at ang "Buffet" kung saan, mahal ka na nya pero malaki lang talaga ang mata nya at gusto nya pa rin ng patikim tikim kung mas me masarap pa sa yo. Sa nasabi ko na kanya kanyang moda yan. Kung san ka bet dun ka. Pamarket market. Kung market mo, buy mo! Sakay na, sabi ni Ateng Shawie! Ang argument ko naman dito ay ganito, at hindi ito quote, sariling words ko to... "That one true thing is really hard to find. Imagine... 8 billion people in the world and counting, and all I really need is one! JUST ONE! Now, you see how difficult that is? And on the flip side, you see how special it should be? ONE! Just ONE!

Now, susubukin ko isummarize ang mga rason kung bakit hindi ko bet ang OPEN relationship.

5. Kalokohan lang sya at rason na lang lahat para maging convenient. Love has always belonged to the region of the heart and not the intellect. These categorizations are product of 'logical' thinking, or manipulations of the 'thinking' man, to suit his needs and wants. Hindi porke't hindi mo mahanap sa ngayon ang One true thing, mag se-settle ka na lang kasi yun na lang yun.

4. Kahit bisexual ako at nagka girlfriend at boyfriend, never ko pinagsabay. Hindi makatarungan! Bisexuality is not a license to infidelity or promiscuousity. Besides, if you can not even concentrate and make that ONE work, what gives you the license to go on ahead and mess up with multiples? Saka, buti kung yung makaka fling mo ay alam ang pinapasok nya? Eh pano kung gusto ka rin masolo? Di naman kaya kawawa ang mga colaterals dito dahil sa kalechehan nyong dalawa ng jowa mo?

3. Been there, been that, sabi ni Miss Marquez. Isa lang naman talaga. Tignan mo na lang. Kahit gaano ka ka horny, isa lang ang etits mo. Try mo nga ipasok yan sa dalawang butas simultaneously! Ewan ko na lang kung kaya mong i-split yan!

2. Ang pag ibig ay hindi friendster o multiply. Wag swapang! Hindi rin sya buffet table na eat all you can! Wala ring "it's complicated" dito. Besides, madamot ako. Kung akin ka, akin ka lang! Same way na kung sa yo ako, sa yo lang talaga ako.

1. Hopeless romantic ako at naniniwala ako sa ONE TRUE THING! Yun na yun!

At bilang pagwawakas at tribute na rin sa mga tulad ko na naniniwala sa ONE true thing, itong susunod na picture ay para sa atin. Nawa ay mahanap na natin sila at tuluyan nang lumigaya sa mga buhay pagibig natin kasama yung isang espesyal na taong yun, hanggang sa ating pagtanda! Mabuhay ang pag ibig! Mabuhay ang umiibig ng tapat!

Photo Credits:

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

First Day Funk

Woke up at around 6pm today. Which means, yes, I missed classes! My shift starts at 12AM and it would be my 1st night taking calls. But first, a few things.


Charm and Cherish... Luis' loves times two!

Charmita is in town. She is my breath of fresh air when I entered Law School, and our legendary "Instant Friendship Bond, Just Add Yosi" story is one for the books. She now works for a BPO in Manila, and was my 'hostess' pun very much intended, when I swung by Manila last September to grab me my Palanca Award. She came home for her daughter's 2nd Birthday, and come hell or waters high, I MUST meet her! I am proud to have named her daughter. While she was still pregnant, we would already think of a name for the baby. If it was a boy, he would have been named "Uriel" for the archangel who bears the name "Fire of God" and who happens to be my favorite Archangel. We were quite in a quandary if she turned out to be a girl. Charm and I were sharing earphones while listening to one of our favorite Madonna song "Borderline." We share an affinity and inner understanding for the lyrics

Just try to understand
I'm giving it all I can
But you got the best of me...

And then it hit me! OF COURSE! If the baby would be a girl, it would have to be CHERISH! Another song from Madonna! And cherish it was of course... except for an additional second name to honor (?) the sperm donor's Iranian ancestry... NAYSHA! And yesterday, dear baby Cherish Naysha turned two. I had to fight the urge to throw away the hard week's training, and the whole ramp up shindig at work just to buy a few more hours with Charmita! BUMMER!

2. FAB @ FORTY with SAM P.

Samantha with an equally scandalous named boat

Sam, or Samantha , a very good friend turned forty today. I just had to drop by his little "bottle-up" with select friends, if only to drop off his birthday present. I was so happy that even if I had to hurriedly leave after three sticks of Yosi, I felt I made Sam's day. My gift? Oh a little book of poetry by Mother John Iremil E. Teodoro, entitled "Kung ang Tula ay Pwedeng Pambili ng Lalaki" (If a poem can be used to buy men). I sure loved the big hearted laugh that Sam gave when he read the dedication.

Para kay Sam,
Na hindi na
Kailangang mamili
Ng lalaki...
Happy Birthday!


After this I hurriedly left Sam's party and went to work. The first few calls were a bit crazy for me, but the shift went on very nicely. FW was there, shuttling back and forth, assisting us with first day craziness. The aircon was on full blast, but he was sweating all over. I did call for hep from him a few times, but later on, was basically free of him. At times when no calls were coming in for me, I would snatch a glimpse of him, sweating and shuffling, and I would smile with the thought of wiping the sweat off his foreheads. Hold your horses Luis! Sex in the workplace is such a no-no! Besides, it is not a confirmed thing that he is gay. He has a girlfriend, see... That alone takes him off your hit list. Yada yada yada, but I cant help myself from stealing glances. And yes, he would catch me and I would look away as fast as I can. I would smile deep inside, and when I would look back at him, I would see him beaming too. Argh! Towards the end of my shift, when I looked at him, I tried not to look away, and he came over. FCK! NOW WHAT!

FW: Great first night Luis!
Me: Thank you. Couldn't have survived it without you!
FW: Oh no... Shaky start, but towards the end, you were doing great without much assistance!
Me: Awww... thanks... But really, it helped ease my tension that there was assistance nearby...
FW: No problem, it's my job.
Me: Really, thanks so much!
FW: For?
Me: Being gentle with me... It's my first time you know... I'm technically a virgin at this!
(As soon as I said that I thought AWWW FCK LUIS! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT IDIOT!)
FW: (Laughs sweetly but not derisively) You learn fast! In no time, you'd be just fine and all over the floor.
Me: (Arghhh... silly kinky pictures in my mind of you and me literally all over the floor!) Gee thanks... glad to know that when I slip, you would be there.
FW: I got you covered! Hahahaha!
Me: (Errrr... I would like to show you how else covers can be done... The more 'revealing' kinda cover!) Smile... Thanks a lot FW!

Towards the end of the shift, everyone looked beaten up. Including FW, but he still manages a smile.

Hey you!
Tiresome thing, this is, ayt?
I would really love
To stuff you in my bag
Later when I get off
Take yo home
(Yours or mine, or otherwise
It really don't matter to me)
And see if we can push our luck
And tire each other some more
And get the both of us off too!

I was holding on to that thought when a call came through.i had to reorganize my thoughts and focus on the call. I picked up...

Me: Hello, thank you for calling ( account name), this is ROQ (pronounced as Rock) speaking, how may I be of help to you.
Caller: (A slutty voice came through)Hi! What's your name again?
Me: Hi Ma'am, it's Roq!
Caller: OH! Rock! How hard?
Me: (Curtly, but as business friendly as I can muster!) Very Hard Ma'am, now can I have your name and Shop ID Number please!


Oh, yes, I managed to steal a shot of FW. How I did that and how, to start with, I managed to sneak in my cellphone, is a skill I do not easily dispense to everyone and sundry. And I am so not posting it here. I will have it printed though, and prop it on my cubicle to always put a smile on my face. Now all I need to do is remember to keep it off prying eyes. Watch me... Watching you watch me watching you!

For now, I gotta get me some shut eye! Tahtah! Oh, and by the way, call me malandi if you want, but really, this is not yet even close! A man's gotta have some, ayt?

Photo Credits:

Monday, December 8, 2008


Today is a day off from my exciting new work. Training ended and I am going to be receiving calls tomorrow. I am happy with what's going on at work and I love how my Team Leader and Floor Walker is as excited as I am to see what I can do come Monday. My shift at 12:00 AM to 8:00 AM is also very very convenient as I get enough time to steam off and unload school concerns before I come on board. I'm scared a bit and excited all at once.

Since today is an off day, I went out and grab the usual mug at my lair. Ever since I started training, I haven't been to my lair and I miss my alone/hang-out time with a steamy mug of coffee.

What I noticed most was the crisp cold bite of the December air. This is what I hate about off days; the non occupation of the mind will surely give the heart a time for bitching and wrenching rants! I'm cold and lonely is what it said tonight.

Forgive this emo post, but, as everyone knows, there will always be nights like these. Nights when we go emo and feel all the shitty thingamajigs especially "when the night falls and my lonely heart calls," says lola Whitney!

As it has always been; writing is, and will always be my release, so allow me to unburden a bit, ayt? GOD! The cold seeps through my jacket and into my bones, and no matter how long it has been, I really can not get used to being alone like this. I still believe that I was made to warm someone else's dark December night, as someone was made to warm mine as well. For now, there's coffee and yosi... till then! I quietly sipped my coffee, puffed yosi, release a deep sigh of longing, and utter a little prayer, to that supreme being, up above and beyond the skies. whoever He/She/It may be. Where are you, my Christmas cheer? Will you be able to find me before this loneliness that kills forfeit our tickets to forever? Like this blogpost, there are no pictures to stare at; only words that try to tell of the cold and bitter winds that lash my body and only the thought that someone, somwhere out there is wondering too, what's taking me so long keeps the frail flame aglow.

Dearest One,

I have always believed that for a shot at happiness, everything is worth it. But I am also left wondering if I have used up all my shots... I have always believed in love and finding it with all my heart, but I also wonder if my belief is misplaced.

If and when I have used up all my shots, will you take one of yours for me? And if I will come to a point where I would stop believing in love, will it be love's turn to believe in me?

Maybe it's just the cold December nights, and maybe, it is as they say, that the darkest part of night is during the last few minutes before the sun would rise.

It's cold in here without you, and I am pretty sure, it's cold there too, without me.


Find me!


Saturday, December 6, 2008

Twelve oh Five Final Part (Ze' Work and Possible Play)

I got back to work and I was sooo late! Good thing that I was able to tell my trainor about the event and invited her too, so she already knew where I was coming from when I texted her that I'd be running late.

We will be having one final module and our Oral exams in the form of a mock call for the night. We drew lots and prepared for the mock call. I got number 8 out of 14 lots. Good number. Not too soon, not too late.

I was a bit nervous, and I was cramming to remember all the possible concerns that my mock caller would have and how I may assist her/him. We were also asked to choose and written down the names we will be using when taking calls. Some of us have to use a name that would be more American Sounding. I chose ROQ! as in Rock! Sounds like rakenroll ya know! :)

My caller had a simple concern, and the total call time was less than a minute! I totally rocked!

While waiting for our turns, I had a pleasant chat with another trainor. He said he will be with us Customer Service Help Desk people next week and he will be our Floor Walker. I dig his dimples! Chubby Chinito, sightly older than me, very personable, and nice! I think I have a new crush! Eherm!

I immediately asked my trainor (who happens to be a very good friend) if FW (Floor Walker) was gay, and she said yes, he was, but quickly added that he had a girlfriend! DUH! Oh well... I approached FW again at a later time and ask for his number. Without batting an eyelash, he gave it to me. Hmmm... Do I smell an office romance in the offing... Que Sera Sera for Roq and FW!

When we were starting to leave for the day, one employee approached me and introduced herself. She was one of the Team Leaders on the floor. She asked me if I was okay to go on a 12:00-8:00 shift when we start taking calls next week. I said yes, I wouldn't have a problem with that and quickly added, that is, if I pass the big final exams tomorrow and the final evaluation. She smiled at me and said, "Darling, pass or not, they had me plot a schedule for you down pat, so, premature as it may be, I say welcome to the team, and burn the floor baby! See yah Monday!"

WHOA!!!! I WAS FLOORED!!! Just as I thought the day would end quietly for me, another one explodes!

Oh and I found this on my email, too!



Photo Credits:

Twelve oh Five Part Two of Three (Old Flames)

Now where was I?

OH the honored guest for the night, right?

Well let's just call him EC (Ex Crush)

A little backgrounder, I think is in order.

He was a friend of Maui's. We got introduced months back before Maui got to work in Bacolod. I saw the both of them together at my favored kofishop one night, and as is my practice with friends I see in my lair, I asked Maui if I could join them. She said yes. At first I didn't quite recognize him, but when I was given his name, I immediately remembered! That name! He was a long time crush! Then Maui told me that he was actually suffering from devastating relationship with a girl who just took him in for a ride and was a bit of a gold digger. Awww! So that was why he looked like sh!t that night!

We exchanged numbers. I told Maui about my having a long time crush with him and she advised me to tread carefully with the EC. I was surprised when I got a text from him inviting me for coffee. And so we did. I already heard so much about him but when I got to know him better, I think he is one big misunderstood guy! In an attempt to diffuse the tension, I would kid him about my having a crush on him, and he played along with the "joke!" Conversations ran something like this:

Me: That's why you have problems with women! You know what, next time, try Men!
EC: Not on the menu so far... I will wait until you are in there!
(Hold your horses Luis, he is just joking!)
Me: Well, I don't go for straight guys, you know...
EC: Oh everyone is gay! They just vary in levels of acceptance and practice of their homosexuality!
ME: (Tangna! Lika praktisin natin yang level of acceptance mo!) Oh, and besides, my latest ex (Baboy) I think is a relative of yours. His middle name is the same as your family name. The break up was bad... so I guess it's bad marks on your rep sheet!
EC: Too bad, you met the wrong ____(Surname). Give yourself a chance with the right one I say!

I also learned that he writes poetry too. In the next coffee session with him, he brought a print out of his poems. I discussed and critiqued his poetry during the next coffee sessions, and he takes criticisms well. He calls me his mentor!

Our coffee sessions were interrupted when he had to go to the States for a vacation. Two says ago, I heard from a friend that he was seen having kofi with Maui, and was actually looking for me. I texted him yesterday, inviting him to the exhibit. He was a bit late.

I had coffee with him. That is why, I ran late for work. I jokingly introduced him around as my next boyfriend; make that, my next EX! He gamely played along with the joke, adding that I was actually his current boyfriend, but that he was still 'on-training' for the position.

I was so glad to see him tonight, but while I was riding the taxi to the office (my car is still under repair), I realized something.

What I feel for him is shrouded in jokes and jests, and when I really dig down for the emotions I use to feel, it's not there anymore... just the joke... Oh well...


Twelve Oh Five Part one of three (Gallerize ME!)

I am just bubbling over with excitement today.

I am so happy over the developments of a few things, and I feel this will be one long blog post, so here I am, doing another series of posts

The unveiling of "Not Black, Not White" was a huge success! Read my old blogpost about this event here. I also agreed to help out further by hosting the event at Crave Art Cafe for that night. I was happy for Babak. I know this was important for him and I could see his exhilaration. The audience were very appreciative and it was a fun night with like minded persons. The photo that Babak selected for me was fantastic and it was placed in the center part of the exhibit. I can only find so little words to say for the fulfillment it brought me. No words would be enough to express how I felt. It was electrifying! It was a dangerous mix of the Torreador, the Exhibitionist and the Narcissist in me... Babak was profusely thanking me. I told him "No Bob, thank you for making me look so wonderful in that photo!" He retorted "No, you ARE wondeful already! I just took a shot and captured that!" A sliver of sunshine cut through my heart and joy liquefied and escaped from my eye. It was a happy happy event!

Here is me with the Artist Babak Niaraki...

Most of the models were there too that night.

Me and Netty clowning around imitating each other's poses.

And of course, for those unable to see the exhibit, here are the photos. They were printed through large format printing on canvas so they look like painting. Bob used minimal editing for the photo's and they looked really good. Check these out!

Sorry I can't give you this model's name, she wants to remain anonymous

If only I had a better camera you would have been able to see the great tattoos on the models back!

Love the photo, love the model too!

I say great rhythm and flexibility going on there, but I was surprised when I talked to the model because she admitted that when she saw my raw photo's she attempted to mimic my poses, but couldn't get it right. Really, now!

This photo gave me sadness. Great emotions in there!

I love how the hair cascades in this photo! Nice texture.

This has got to be my favorite! OH YES! This is the artist/photographer himself. Too bad the Mohawk hair didn't show that much

The night was fantastic, and there was good food and laughter there too. The Chicken Kebabs with Youghurt dip by Babak's Mom, the lovely Sherlita was heavenly and simply delish! Kitchie, Babak's wife was stunning too, for a woman on her 5th month of pregnancy! All in all, it was one hell of a night!

Oh... of course! My photo! Well before that, let me show you the raw photo Babak selected for me. Here it is...

NAAAAAH!!! Too much frontal exposure there! :-p

And the final photo on canvas displayed in the exhibit...


Nobody missed who the model was. Hehehehe... Lookey see...

Happy and fulfilled!

NAH! Didn't seem like it... let's do that again, shall we?


Congratulations Babak, and to everyone who were part of this thing. For nearby cities, we would be touring the exhibit soon, so just keep checking my blog for updates. We have plans to do Roxas City, then Bacolod... and who knows... maybe Cambodia perhaps? Paging Loven Ramos!

If you were wondering who my special guest for the night was... It was him... more on him in the next post.