Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Dear J

Dear J,

I wrote a letter to two people. One for you and one for the big fat bearded man. I am publishing that other letter soon, but anyhoot, how are you?

I'm fine down here. I'm working on midnight shift tonight when the clock strikes twelve and it's officially Christmas Day this side of the planet.

It's really cold and lonely here and it's gripping at me, and every second it gets harder to fill my heart with the supposed Christmas cheer. It's not that this is because I am alone and lonely and have no one to call mine but it's one of them biggest reasons. Well technically there is someone, but I know that his being with me is either borne out of the same loneliness, or just that silly bet he made with his friends. My well meaning friends tell me and I do know that there are a thousand and one reasons to be happy, and not concentrate on that one single fact alone to dampen my moods, but what can I do. I feel it! There are a barrage of messages coming from people greeting me a merry Christmas, some as early as yesterday, to avoid the Christmas Texting Jam tonight. I do love my friends and I appreciate them remembering me, but this year, I am abstaining from texting all contacts and just trust that in my heart I have a warm greeting for each one of them.

I have gotten each one but myself a gift already, but none as expressive as the gratitude in my heart for these people. For their presence in my life and for their gift of friendship. Still, there is the cold and loneliness and every so often, my eye would water at the thought of the absence.

I miss even those people that I know I have no business missing, better best forgotten, and I know it's just the season, and I get jealous with all the warmth from people who have each other. As one blogger puts it, I too ask, where my fruitcake is, or for that matter, my panettone, as after all, panettone goes better with coffee, and then it struck me.

This is all a gift from you! My Christmas gift! THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT OF FEELING THE LONELINESS AND THE COLD. Thank you, perhaps, for the loneliness and the cold, too. Thank you that I am still able to feel all these; that I am not a cold bitter and jaded soul, who only flips his hair and walks nonchalantly into the crisp cold December night. Thank you ever so much that I am still able to feel the wonderful sorrow of being on my own. Thank you for the gift of feeling and empathy. I shall hold these close to my heart, and perhaps, a thousand and one poems would bloom from this seed I plant. I pray too that this be never taken away from me; that I never reach the point where I become an unfeeling mindless automaton of a walking talking but unfeeling human.

I hope all those given the same gift you gave me this year would thank you too.





reyna elena said...

magkutaw man ko diri dong pede? hahaha merri xmas and have a safe watosi nights!

Luis Batchoy said...

@reyns kutaw diha, ayaw ra labugaya