Foulitikia Atbp.

At dahil umabsent ako ng bongga, babawi din ako ng bongga!

Dobol feature... parang sine lang. And let me do something I rarely do. Write about foulintikss!

Goodtaym lang to... parang dear ate charo lang...

Parang short note...

Parang...

Letche... ganito yun!


Here are some things for the people running for the ringmaster in this circus of a government that we have. Let me start.

Dear...

Noynoy -

"I Swear it's this BIG! - My lamang in the surveys"

Your mother is the universal tita, so that makes you insan, but that's not my point. What I really like to say is that, win or lose, let insan Krissy take care of recovering your campaign losses: with your penchant for turbocharged answers in public forums and such, you'd be perfect as the Energizer Bunny incarnate! My suggestion is for you to stage a grand last minute wedding. Do a Korina-Mar, insan. Just don't marry Shalani in FAO Schwarz or Toy Kingdom.




Manny -

Take the plunge

Brilliant ads! Catchy Jingle! Love the 'back-mask' thinggie ad! Dear, you have a brilliant media whiz at work! Introduce to us the head of your creative team! We'd love to vote him/her for President! Oh, but I'm sure we would know him/her if you win because for sure, you'd be a fool not to appoint him as Press Secretary! Oh the lovely magical realist tales he/she would spin for you! Suggestion - consider taking acting workshops. They could do more wonders.




Dick -

Iron Dick... errr Iron Chef Dick

What's in a name they say? Everything. Parents should pay close attention to naming their children because a Rose, by any name, is a florist's marketing strategy. Well, if it's true that we are what our names are, I was just wondering... are you really that? A big.... well... Richard? Suggestion - keep Mr. Fernando closer, consider spandex, and highlight your other moniker - the flash?



Brother Eddie -

Neozep lang yan... babangon ka agad!

Putting aside the clear clause of separation of church and state, let me say you are wonderful. When I hear you bare your plans for the country, I await with bated breathe, for you to punctuate your discussion about the economy with a biblical verse and a proposition to change the peso to shekels. The other brother has it bad and he's just endorsing a party-list, you know. The Philippine constitution is verbose and the laws of the land are voluminous. The commandments you know are only ten. Oh and if your vice-president cannot even win the presidency of a school board here in Iloilo, then what chances have you two got as a tandem?Suggestion - try to up the ante with an impassioned fire and brimstone, hand wringing, gut wrenching hair tearing, ash smothering, sackcloth wearing mourning for the state of the Philippine Government... Careful with that ark though. Oh, and learn from Mister Escudero his delectable way with the Tagalog speaking thinggie.



Gibo -

Now wear it properly. As it is without clothes inside!

Hey baby... I mean panyero... Chos! You are really brilliant and all. I love the way you sound so layman considering you are a bar top-notcher even when explaining highly technical points. I like that a lot. I like your points. Very succinct - promising indeed. More or less, I agree with your thoughts and your plan of action. I like you a lot its almost a lot like love. However... I think its a misjoinder of parties darling. Wrong political side, wrong affiliation, wrong vice-president, wrong anointment, wrong ogre godmother. WRONG! If this was the Bar exams, you, my dear, are an elaborate essay answer with distinguishing and jurisprudence worthy of full marks - but to a multiple-choice question. Suggestion - Make them fall truly madly deeply in love with you. After all, when love is involved, it makes something so wrong feel so right, says Toni Gonzaga, and when you throw in the word love, you get away with almost everything. Ask Santa Evita!




Nicky-

Alien? Raise the roof!

Oh Nicky you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, however, not everyone enjoys listening to a political speech and platform which is the equivalent of a scientific name, or a lecture in the measures of central tendencies. Something is lost in translation dear Nicky, and it's you. Darling it's just so wrong. Suggestion - have you considered how many saplings could have been bought and reforested with the campaign money you poured into this fray?


JC -

Holding it... I mean Holding On to the fight!

So young, so dynamic, so chivalric. With a knighthood from members of the Vatican in the Philippines, it is just plain romantic saga of a young idealistic warrior. So very very -next time na lang ok? The priests who loves you so much can't be blamed. You are the very image of a responsible sakristan-mayor, or a knight of Columbus, or Adoracion Nocturna even. Too bad, Tubid is already the model for Blessed Pedro Calunsod. Suggestion - to speed up the process, pour yourself into research for obscure Filipino Martyrs for the faith. Surely, you would be a very good model for the next Filipino Saint. Make sure though that the person you will help towards canonization is not some Carmelite Nun ok?





Erap -

Ahmmm

There is a big difference between executive clemency and acquittal, sir. You flaunt that your being pardoned proves your innocence. Exoneration of a crime, commutation of sentence or absolute pardon is not the same as being found not guilty. You would understand what I am saying wouldn't you? I think you are very misunderstood, and hence, I do not understand you. Oh and I love your campaign colors. It reminds me of where you are supposed to be. Don't worry, we are far from adopting that black and white striped get-up. Suggestion - Try this mantra: When I grow up, I wanna be like Winnie Monsod!


Jamby -

Jessa? IZATCHU?

Honey, I have saved the best for last. Like you, I do not know how much a kilo of galunggong is. Like you, I too am not into 'itlog na pula,' make mine Century Eggs please. I think you are the best. The very fact that your campaign platform is very solid and singular is a big decisive factor for me - GET MANNY VILLAR! Atta gurl! Suggestion - Psstttt... your then political endorser is also an endorser for a slimming product with L-Carnitine. It's a good addition to the already impressive CV that you have of being a Vegetarian. Maybe she could give you the tips and tricks. However, you did say that you have turned your back when you saw the folly of your ways right? I just hope that when you do, your dress has full beaded design and not the flesh-flash -less thing, mmmkay? If you find it harder to see the folly or your ways this time, don't worry. We are not in a hurry. Meanwhile, you can window shop at a local wet market. Of course you can stay inside your car and look at things through the window. That's why it's called window shopping, right?

Whew! Now if I must say - this is all y0ur fault Chiz! You left me in pain, confusion and suffering, after all I have shown you - after all my love and devotion to you! ETCHOS!
Make that ETCHIZ!


Photo Credits:

philippinesfunwall.wordpress.com
citadel.seitoukai.net/2010/01/24...r-spoof/
www.newsflash.org/2004/02/tl/tl0...2403.htm
www.freemediabuzz.com/Posible-Pa...wala-Ka/
karitoon.com/xoops/modules/extga...d%3D1161
ewsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerhe...esidency
john-carlos-de-los-reyes.politic...os-reyes
wawam.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/p...lection/
ifemoto.blogspot.com/2010/01/ph...07375755

Blog Marathon 2 of 4

MINE

There it was, December 24, 2009, Christmas eve. My shift starts at 11AM and ends at 8PM. My housemate Charmita has work for the night and I am looking at a lonely Christmas Eve alone in the house, and had work the next day. At work, people were happily talking about what they would be doing, where they would be doing it, and well…with whom they would be doing it. I listened. Maybe it’s the SAD or Seasonal Afflictive Disorder, maybe it was the chill in the air, or maybe, it was just the plain sad truth… I was alone, and there is no one there. No friends, no family, no special someone to wish me a merry Christmas, not in any particular order.

When I got off work, I walked to nearby Robinson’s Galleria. I was picking out the gift I intended to give Charmita. It was the new Madonna album. Her and me, we are big Madonna fans, well, the 80’s Madonna to be exact. In fact, ‘our’ song is a Madonna song… Borderline… ‘Just try to understand, I’m giving it all I can, but you got the best of me...’ Even her daughter was named after a Madonna song. I might not be the father but I had naming rights. If it would be a boy, we would name him Uriel, in honor of my favorite archangel, the Fire of God. We were looking for a girl’s name if she would be a girl. We were lying down in my bed sharing earphones on Bryan’s Ipod and the song came on, and there it was… the name… Cherish!



So I went to Odyssey, and please people, trust me; avoid this store like the plague. I picked up the DVD’s for Charmita, and was about to pay. I asked the girl manning the counter if she can put it in a gift bag. You know how stores have gift bags instead of the usual plastic especially during gift giving season? The girl rudely said ‘Sir wala po eh, wala nang libre sa mundo ngayon’ (Sir there are none, and nothing is free in this world anymore). That was so insulting and rude! I have money, I was not asking for a freebie! I was just asking if they had gift bags to put the DVD’s in, just like every store! The comment was so uncalled for. I fought the urge to tell her, Eh kung sampalin kaya kita, libre yun! I calmly told her she was being rude and insulting and that is not exactly good customer service! Oh! Talk to me about customer service! I do it 8 hours daily for some of the most impossible people in the world, and fuck it was Christmas eve!


I asked for a manger, so I can log a complaint and what do you know, she was the store supervisor! I could not stand for this shabby service. I felt so bad I told her to apologize. She did in a very snickering way and it did not feel very sincere. She added, oh ayan, nagsorry na ako ha! WTF! ‘tangna! Paskong-pasko eh! I checked my wallet, purchased a lot more of stuff that my money would allow, paid for them, asked for an official receipt and let her bag my purchases. When all was done, I calmly pushed the bag back and said, ‘Now cancel everything! I am not buying anything from such a store with such a rude supervisor, and I am telling my friends, and if I had the time, the mall management too.’ I calmly walked out the store but I was very irritated. I went up to AstroVision, where I was treated better, and the staff heard out my story, and asked which girl I was referring to. Turns out, she does have quite a reputation for being such a bitch! Honestly, that is exactly why I support the local manong devede! Boss, ex? Scandal? If anyone from Odyssey or knows anyone from there is reading this, do yourselves a favor and fire that bitch! She is not good for the business, and she is a supervisor at that? What has the world come to? I am not asking to be treated like royalty, just respectfully. Even the manong devede or the ate’s in divisoria or baclaran have better customer service attitudes than her. Now I wasn’t only lonely, I was upset, too.

I came home, brewed coffee and prepared for a long lonely Christmas Eve. I changed, went to midnight mass, and felt lonelier by the minute. I thought of what I had back home. Can I say I miss my family and Christmases with them? If I were back home, there’d be a small feast with great food. In my apartment, there are only canned goods and a take out of two piece burger steak with extra gravy and extra rice. In Iloilo, there’d be a warm queen sized bed, some aromatherapy candles, an HDTV, a big Whirlpool ref stocked with goodies and that nice tub for a warm bubble bath. In my apartment, there’s only the TV I bought surplus from the pier, the surplus ref I also bought from the pier and the pirated DVD player I bought from there, not even totaling to eight thousand pesos. I had my thin foam, lying Tatami style on my cold floors, no closets, no shelves, and the small bathroom with a leaking shower cord. I’d be having my Christmas dinner in my loaned monobloc round table with four monobloc chairs which the last occupant left and did not intend to get, with Christmas place mats bought on sale from Megamall, and a bamboo plant centerpiece 50 pesos from Quiapo, placed on an empty cheezwiz bottle immersed in growing gelatinous beads thinggie bought from Baclaran at five pesos a pack.


In Iloilo I’d be driving my battered up car Cappuccino, for an after-family Christmas round up of brewed coffee or what not’s with friends, whoemever would be available, at wherever that remains open that night, while here in Manila, I had only season four DVD of sex and the city waiting to serve as my after dinner entertainment pleasure. I plopped down in front of my TV with a pillow I bought for a hundred a piece in Baclaran, pillow cases, 3 for a hundred, and started watching sex and the city, with my dinner on my lap, on crystal plates bought at Eunilane Kalayaan on sale 3 for a hundred. As I settled down for a long cold lonely night I sighed, and I realized one thing. I looked around the apartment. All of the things in here, I bought myself -.my own money, my own hard work; mine. And it made the big difference. Yes, I was lonely, but in Iloilo, I was lonely too. The difference is that, here in Manila, everything I have is mine; even my loneliness. I made my choice. I wanted this. This is my very own personal loneliness. Unlike in Iloilo, I was lonely there because of what other people did. They caused my loneliness. I am lonely because of them. Here in Manila, I find myself lonely, yes, on a Christmas Eve, but hey, I am lonely because of me. It was my own loneliness; MINE! I spooned off the burger steak, cutlery from Baclaran, 50 pesos for a dozen, smiled despite myself, and had me my very own personal lonely Christmas eve.
MINE!

Photo Credits:
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/itsallmine.jpg
http://sfist.com/attachments/SFist_Brock/yousuck.jpg
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/SATC-sex-and-the-city-36242_1024_768.jpg

First Day Funk

Woke up at around 6pm today. Which means, yes, I missed classes! My shift starts at 12AM and it would be my 1st night taking calls. But first, a few things.

1. CHARMED ONE!

Charm and Cherish... Luis' loves times two!

Charmita is in town. She is my breath of fresh air when I entered Law School, and our legendary "Instant Friendship Bond, Just Add Yosi" story is one for the books. She now works for a BPO in Manila, and was my 'hostess' pun very much intended, when I swung by Manila last September to grab me my Palanca Award. She came home for her daughter's 2nd Birthday, and come hell or waters high, I MUST meet her! I am proud to have named her daughter. While she was still pregnant, we would already think of a name for the baby. If it was a boy, he would have been named "Uriel" for the archangel who bears the name "Fire of God" and who happens to be my favorite Archangel. We were quite in a quandary if she turned out to be a girl. Charm and I were sharing earphones while listening to one of our favorite Madonna song "Borderline." We share an affinity and inner understanding for the lyrics

Just try to understand
I'm giving it all I can
But you got the best of me...

And then it hit me! OF COURSE! If the baby would be a girl, it would have to be CHERISH! Another song from Madonna! And cherish it was of course... except for an additional second name to honor (?) the sperm donor's Iranian ancestry... NAYSHA! And yesterday, dear baby Cherish Naysha turned two. I had to fight the urge to throw away the hard week's training, and the whole ramp up shindig at work just to buy a few more hours with Charmita! BUMMER!

2. FAB @ FORTY with SAM P.

Samantha with an equally scandalous named boat

Sam, or Samantha , a very good friend turned forty today. I just had to drop by his little "bottle-up" with select friends, if only to drop off his birthday present. I was so happy that even if I had to hurriedly leave after three sticks of Yosi, I felt I made Sam's day. My gift? Oh a little book of poetry by Mother John Iremil E. Teodoro, entitled "Kung ang Tula ay Pwedeng Pambili ng Lalaki" (If a poem can be used to buy men). I sure loved the big hearted laugh that Sam gave when he read the dedication.

Para kay Sam,
Na hindi na
Kailangang mamili
Ng lalaki...
Happy Birthday!

3. WALK ALL OVER ME!

After this I hurriedly left Sam's party and went to work. The first few calls were a bit crazy for me, but the shift went on very nicely. FW was there, shuttling back and forth, assisting us with first day craziness. The aircon was on full blast, but he was sweating all over. I did call for hep from him a few times, but later on, was basically free of him. At times when no calls were coming in for me, I would snatch a glimpse of him, sweating and shuffling, and I would smile with the thought of wiping the sweat off his foreheads. Hold your horses Luis! Sex in the workplace is such a no-no! Besides, it is not a confirmed thing that he is gay. He has a girlfriend, see... That alone takes him off your hit list. Yada yada yada, but I cant help myself from stealing glances. And yes, he would catch me and I would look away as fast as I can. I would smile deep inside, and when I would look back at him, I would see him beaming too. Argh! Towards the end of my shift, when I looked at him, I tried not to look away, and he came over. FCK! NOW WHAT!

FW: Great first night Luis!
Me: Thank you. Couldn't have survived it without you!
FW: Oh no... Shaky start, but towards the end, you were doing great without much assistance!
Me: Awww... thanks... But really, it helped ease my tension that there was assistance nearby...
FW: No problem, it's my job.
Me: Really, thanks so much!
FW: For?
Me: Being gentle with me... It's my first time you know... I'm technically a virgin at this!
(As soon as I said that I thought AWWW FCK LUIS! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT IDIOT!)
FW: (Laughs sweetly but not derisively) You learn fast! In no time, you'd be just fine and all over the floor.
Me: (Arghhh... silly kinky pictures in my mind of you and me literally all over the floor!) Gee thanks... glad to know that when I slip, you would be there.
FW: I got you covered! Hahahaha!
Me: (Errrr... I would like to show you how else covers can be done... The more 'revealing' kinda cover!) Smile... Thanks a lot FW!

Towards the end of the shift, everyone looked beaten up. Including FW, but he still manages a smile.



Hey you!
Tiresome thing, this is, ayt?
I would really love
To stuff you in my bag
Later when I get off
Take yo home
(Yours or mine, or otherwise
It really don't matter to me)
And see if we can push our luck
And tire each other some more
And get the both of us off too!

I was holding on to that thought when a call came through.i had to reorganize my thoughts and focus on the call. I picked up...

Me: Hello, thank you for calling ( account name), this is ROQ (pronounced as Rock) speaking, how may I be of help to you.
Caller: (A slutty voice came through)Hi! What's your name again?
Me: Hi Ma'am, it's Roq!
Caller: OH! Rock! How hard?
(Geeeeeeessssssshhhhh!)
Me: (Curtly, but as business friendly as I can muster!) Very Hard Ma'am, now can I have your name and Shop ID Number please!

PUHLEAAAAAAZZZZZZ! GIMME A BREAK!

Oh, yes, I managed to steal a shot of FW. How I did that and how, to start with, I managed to sneak in my cellphone, is a skill I do not easily dispense to everyone and sundry. And I am so not posting it here. I will have it printed though, and prop it on my cubicle to always put a smile on my face. Now all I need to do is remember to keep it off prying eyes. Watch me... Watching you watch me watching you!


For now, I gotta get me some shut eye! Tahtah! Oh, and by the way, call me malandi if you want, but really, this is not yet even close! A man's gotta have some, ayt?


Photo Credits:

http://www.enerhealthbotanicals.com
www.funnypart.com