Sunday, April 18, 2010

Foulitikia Atbp.

At dahil umabsent ako ng bongga, babawi din ako ng bongga!

Dobol feature... parang sine lang. And let me do something I rarely do. Write about foulintikss!

Goodtaym lang to... parang dear ate charo lang...

Parang short note...


Letche... ganito yun!

Here are some things for the people running for the ringmaster in this circus of a government that we have. Let me start.


Noynoy -

"I Swear it's this BIG! - My lamang in the surveys"

Your mother is the universal tita, so that makes you insan, but that's not my point. What I really like to say is that, win or lose, let insan Krissy take care of recovering your campaign losses: with your penchant for turbocharged answers in public forums and such, you'd be perfect as the Energizer Bunny incarnate! My suggestion is for you to stage a grand last minute wedding. Do a Korina-Mar, insan. Just don't marry Shalani in FAO Schwarz or Toy Kingdom.

Manny -

Take the plunge

Brilliant ads! Catchy Jingle! Love the 'back-mask' thinggie ad! Dear, you have a brilliant media whiz at work! Introduce to us the head of your creative team! We'd love to vote him/her for President! Oh, but I'm sure we would know him/her if you win because for sure, you'd be a fool not to appoint him as Press Secretary! Oh the lovely magical realist tales he/she would spin for you! Suggestion - consider taking acting workshops. They could do more wonders.

Dick -

Iron Dick... errr Iron Chef Dick

What's in a name they say? Everything. Parents should pay close attention to naming their children because a Rose, by any name, is a florist's marketing strategy. Well, if it's true that we are what our names are, I was just wondering... are you really that? A big.... well... Richard? Suggestion - keep Mr. Fernando closer, consider spandex, and highlight your other moniker - the flash?

Brother Eddie -

Neozep lang yan... babangon ka agad!

Putting aside the clear clause of separation of church and state, let me say you are wonderful. When I hear you bare your plans for the country, I await with bated breathe, for you to punctuate your discussion about the economy with a biblical verse and a proposition to change the peso to shekels. The other brother has it bad and he's just endorsing a party-list, you know. The Philippine constitution is verbose and the laws of the land are voluminous. The commandments you know are only ten. Oh and if your vice-president cannot even win the presidency of a school board here in Iloilo, then what chances have you two got as a tandem?Suggestion - try to up the ante with an impassioned fire and brimstone, hand wringing, gut wrenching hair tearing, ash smothering, sackcloth wearing mourning for the state of the Philippine Government... Careful with that ark though. Oh, and learn from Mister Escudero his delectable way with the Tagalog speaking thinggie.

Gibo -

Now wear it properly. As it is without clothes inside!

Hey baby... I mean panyero... Chos! You are really brilliant and all. I love the way you sound so layman considering you are a bar top-notcher even when explaining highly technical points. I like that a lot. I like your points. Very succinct - promising indeed. More or less, I agree with your thoughts and your plan of action. I like you a lot its almost a lot like love. However... I think its a misjoinder of parties darling. Wrong political side, wrong affiliation, wrong vice-president, wrong anointment, wrong ogre godmother. WRONG! If this was the Bar exams, you, my dear, are an elaborate essay answer with distinguishing and jurisprudence worthy of full marks - but to a multiple-choice question. Suggestion - Make them fall truly madly deeply in love with you. After all, when love is involved, it makes something so wrong feel so right, says Toni Gonzaga, and when you throw in the word love, you get away with almost everything. Ask Santa Evita!


Alien? Raise the roof!

Oh Nicky you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, however, not everyone enjoys listening to a political speech and platform which is the equivalent of a scientific name, or a lecture in the measures of central tendencies. Something is lost in translation dear Nicky, and it's you. Darling it's just so wrong. Suggestion - have you considered how many saplings could have been bought and reforested with the campaign money you poured into this fray?

JC -

Holding it... I mean Holding On to the fight!

So young, so dynamic, so chivalric. With a knighthood from members of the Vatican in the Philippines, it is just plain romantic saga of a young idealistic warrior. So very very -next time na lang ok? The priests who loves you so much can't be blamed. You are the very image of a responsible sakristan-mayor, or a knight of Columbus, or Adoracion Nocturna even. Too bad, Tubid is already the model for Blessed Pedro Calunsod. Suggestion - to speed up the process, pour yourself into research for obscure Filipino Martyrs for the faith. Surely, you would be a very good model for the next Filipino Saint. Make sure though that the person you will help towards canonization is not some Carmelite Nun ok?

Erap -


There is a big difference between executive clemency and acquittal, sir. You flaunt that your being pardoned proves your innocence. Exoneration of a crime, commutation of sentence or absolute pardon is not the same as being found not guilty. You would understand what I am saying wouldn't you? I think you are very misunderstood, and hence, I do not understand you. Oh and I love your campaign colors. It reminds me of where you are supposed to be. Don't worry, we are far from adopting that black and white striped get-up. Suggestion - Try this mantra: When I grow up, I wanna be like Winnie Monsod!

Jamby -


Honey, I have saved the best for last. Like you, I do not know how much a kilo of galunggong is. Like you, I too am not into 'itlog na pula,' make mine Century Eggs please. I think you are the best. The very fact that your campaign platform is very solid and singular is a big decisive factor for me - GET MANNY VILLAR! Atta gurl! Suggestion - Psstttt... your then political endorser is also an endorser for a slimming product with L-Carnitine. It's a good addition to the already impressive CV that you have of being a Vegetarian. Maybe she could give you the tips and tricks. However, you did say that you have turned your back when you saw the folly of your ways right? I just hope that when you do, your dress has full beaded design and not the flesh-flash -less thing, mmmkay? If you find it harder to see the folly or your ways this time, don't worry. We are not in a hurry. Meanwhile, you can window shop at a local wet market. Of course you can stay inside your car and look at things through the window. That's why it's called window shopping, right?

Whew! Now if I must say - this is all y0ur fault Chiz! You left me in pain, confusion and suffering, after all I have shown you - after all my love and devotion to you! ETCHOS!
Make that ETCHIZ!

Photo Credits: