Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Ten Sperm Things

In an article I recently read from shared links on my News Feed in Facebook, this stood out.

Read here

Let us, for a moment set aside the thought that the good Senator's words are full of crap, stupid, and bull. Let us then for a moment, put on our thinking caps and perhaps, see it the same way the Senator does. What if indeed, masturbation is interfering with the natural process of fertilization. What if indeed, it is tantamount to abortion.

Senator Enrile expressed his concern as such:

“And the question that bothers me is… Is the sperm alive? Is the ovum of the woman alive? I have consulted doctors and the answer is yes.

The sperm of a man cannot fertilize any egg, not the egg of a whale, or a lizard, or a bird, or a fish, but only the egg of a woman. And neither can the egg of a woman be fertilized by any other sperm except the sperm of a man, so that these two elements must be together to create life. But each one of them has life. There is no question about that because they have mobility: They move; they develop.”

Very noble then, is the good Senator's intention to protect the 'dignity' of this 'living' organism. As such, here are some conjectures that can normally be arrived at, granting that the sperm, indeed, is a living sentient being.

1. The sperm has feelings and emotions, thus, it is a must for it to be protected and nurtured.

Yes, dear Batchoy denizens, naturally, if the sperm is alive, it is then capable of emotions. Much like we protect plants and animals, we must also protect the sperm, as a living entity. We must make sure it is nurtured and protected.

2. The sperm then, being alive and being a 'future person,' it must be afforded legal personality.

- Never mind that the Civil Code has a different definition of legal personality and when it should be considered in existence. After all, it could easily be revised and replaced with legislative intent for the same purposes. Being a living organism, it must be given full rights. Voting rights, Civil Rights. It must be allowed to be registered and vote, it must be allowed to acquire properties, to be subject of testamentary capacity, to be able to go to school, to be able to earn a decent living, to be secure in its house, papers and personal effects. It may also be elected into office then, or appointed to government service!

3. It must be a subject of a Senate or House Inquiry in aid of legislation.

- Now that the sad state of the Sperm has come into light, it is imperative that our Senate bring an inquiry to improve the status of the Sperm, which has remained in the dark for so long a time. We must conduct extensive study and research and inquire into the sad state of the sperm before the brilliant Senator has discovered it's 'existence.' After all we should be committed to the development and welfare of the least of our brothers and sisters, and every living being! We must invite a 'spokesperm' or a 'represpermative' to shed light to this condition!

4. Associations and NGO's must be formed for the welfare of the Sperm.

- We then must come together and fight for the welfare of the sperm. It should be considered marginalized and hence, we should do our part in protecting the sperm from abuses. We must form associations and People's Organizations for the welfare of the sperm!

5. It should organize, together with other sperm, under one banner, and run for office as a marginalized group under the party list system.

- It is provided for under the party list system, that representation is afforded to the marginalized sector of society, and as such, the sperm and their kind should also be afforded with the same privilege! VOTE FOR SPERM in the next elections!

6. It must have its own religion.
- If it is alive and is to be a future person in itself, then it must care for its soul, and as such, it must have a faith of it's own. Preferably, Catholic!

Further in the debate for the RH Bill, the good Senator also said:

“Well, if the man wants to satisfy himself by manipulating himself alone, if it is only for pleasure, then it interferes with the production of life. That is my belief. That is a matter of faith to me.”

Therefore -

7. Everything that is a matter of faith for a member of the Senate should be given high credence.
- Never mind the doctrine of separation of Church and State! If the Senator feels like legalizing cannibalism, then it should be, because it is a matter of faith! Speaking of cannibalism;

8. Since the sperm is a living entity, the swallowing of it in any form, sexual or otherwise, is considered cannibalism.

-So too is the 'interfering' with the production of life when a woman ovulates every month and has her discharges. It interfered with the meeting of the sperm and the egg and the ovulating woman should be charged accordingly for preventing or failing to cause the production of life. Hence, it should be a law that every egg should be fertilized to produce life, and the ovulating woman should do everything to cause such a union!

9. Therefore, the sperm should be a subject of a UN Convention!
- Knowing now that the sperm is a living organism, it should not only be protected locally, but should be a subject of International importance, hence a summit should be called, and a protocol or a UN Convention on the protection of the same should be pushed. NOW!

And lastly!

10. For purposes of gender equality, the same matters should be undertaken for the egg cells!
- Of course, the feminine counterpart must be equally protected!

Ain't that brilliant? Now, please, give the good Senator an Honoris Causa Degree in Medicine and Theology!
Here is the brilliant Senator! Champion of the Sperm's cause!

Images Courtesy of Google Images

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