I really had a difficult time debating whether to write about this one or not. When I got to decide on writing it, I tackled the difficulty on how to 'attack' this issue. Should I write it as straight narrative? Should it be an oblique cryptic post, or should it be in an epistolary form addressed to the person concerned? I know that I should get to writing it soonest or else, it will just fade away or I might never get the courage to post it ever. Thus, I write.
What is this all about? Well, to cut to the chase, here it is, plain and simple... I fell in love.
What makes it so difficult and complicated is the fact that it is not necessarily 'unrequited', which would have made it easier and simpler, but neither is it reciprocal, too..well, not exactly in that same way it should be reciprocated. Actually, it's all confusing. Am I making any sense so far? Hehehehe
Let's call him Marlboro Black.
Bold, strong, intense, Menthols!
How I met him, should of course, be the proper way to start the story.
There is this 24hour coffee shop that I frequent. I would sit down and have coffee, read, write, spend idle time and even wait for morning's light in this cafe. Just beside it is a bar and grill.
He was doing OJT for his TESDA Certification for bar tending in the said bar and grill. HE would get off from work at 1 or 2 AM and since he lives in a district far from the City Proper, he woukd wait until the morning for jeepneys going to their place. Tambay me, bored to death and nocturnal vampire, it was inevitable how we struck a friendship and begun hanging out together to wait for sun up.
He was nice and cute alright, and you can say, my type. Tall, smooth, fair, bit chubby, and well, pleasant. I admit that I had a crush on him, but not that intense for me not to be able to brush aside so it wouldn't get in the way of our friendship. After all, he is double mortal sin in my books. One: He's straight - that- according to him, and Two, he's just twenty - a kid- really and barely a man.
For weeks on end, we would sip coffee together, smoke our lungs out, and tell stories of whatever hits our fancy for the night. I began to get to know him better, and actually look forward to him getting off from work and joining me in my table. It didn't help that my usual pa-morningan possee's were elsewhere with something else's to do, that we were left on our own proverbially, just him and me, to wait for morning's light.
The set up was really good for me, and there was never a stir in my chest, not until he started 'looking' for me. He would text me asking where I was if I took too long in the night to go to the cafe and if he wouldn't see me there when he buys his cigarette from the nearby stall, or take a quick break. He would tell me how he would be off in a while, and would ask where I was and if I wanted him to follow where I was as soon as he gets off from work. He started wanting in on my 'gigs' and even wanting to hang around even during his off-days.
Sample Text exchange #1:
Marlboro Black: where ka na? Off ko na in a while.
Luis Batchoy: Wait, here pa (name of bar) comforting a friend. Hartbroken kasi.
MB: Ok. Gutom ako, lika na dito kain na tayo. If u want sunod na lang ako jan.
Luis: Punta na ako jan, wait lang. Kain ka na. Pagod ka pa sa work eh.
MB: Nah, wait kita, won't eat without u. kaya bilisan mo.
Shet naman kasi eh! Parang boyfriend lang?
Sample Text exchange #2:
MB: Pang* wer ka? Grabe ulan...
Luis: Here sa haus, tuck in bed. Need to kick myself up, need to go out for kofi!
MB: Yeah, sarap magbabad sa kama... Oh sige, kitakits dun. Di sana ako aalis ng bahay kasi off but since magkakape ka pala, sama ako.
Luis: Ayt, see u then...
MB: Wer ka na, dito na ko. Bilisan mo, punta ka na dito, alo lang mag-isa dito.
*Pang is a shortcut for Papang, which roughly means papa. It is not uncommon for males to call each other Papang or Pre, just like girls call each other Mamang, or Mang or Mare.
There was one time I got invited to birthday of a friend. He kinda inserted himself into it, and went with me even if he does not know anyone there, except the celebrant, whom, perhaps out of courtesy, invited him na lang when she saw us together. During the party, shempre, socialize ako because I know most of the guest. Since di pa naman ako gutom when we arrived, nauna na syang kumain sa loob habang nakikipag chikahan ako sa mga nagiinuman sa labas. Pagpasok ko to check on him, nakasimangot na sya.
MB: Ano ba ginagawa mo dun sa labas, eh inuman yun dun. Di ka naman nainom ah!
Luis: Wala lang, nakikipag usap sa mga kakilala dun sa labas. Kumakain ka naman dito sa loob eh. Saka babalikan naman kita no!
MB: kumain ka na kasi, lumalamig na yung pagkain mo.
Luis: Pagkain ko?
MB: Ayan sa pinggan oh, kinuha na kita. Upo ka na. Kain na.
Nung umupo na ako sa tabi nya, kumain din sya.
Luis: Grabe, gutom na gutom ka ah, kanina pa kita iniwanan dito di ka pa rin tapos kumain?
MB: Di pa ako nag uumpisa, hinintay kitang bumalik para sabay tayo.
Last day nya sa OJT. Nalaman ko sinapak nya palihim yung isang kasamahan nyang waiter. Kinukwento nya sa akin habang nag kakape kami..
Luis: Ba't mo naman kais pinatulan yun eh? Alam mo namang gungong yun eh.
MB: Eh kasi eh!
Luis: Kasi ano? Di ka naman basagulero ah!
MB: Napuno ako eh.
MB: Lagi nya kasi akong kinakantyawan.
MB: Niloloko loko nya ako na lagi daw akong nagmamadaling mag off kasi inaantay mo daw ako. Na excited daw ako matapos ang shift?
Luis: Eh pinatulan mo naman! Naku!
MB: Eh gago sya eh. Anong akala nya sa yo? Di ka naman ganun di ba?
Ahmmm... shet! Bakit warm fuzzy feeling? Bakit ako kinikilig? Taena!