Monday, June 29, 2009

Un-Gay Yourself?

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I have been blog hopping and a few of the blogs I follow posted this question:

If there was a pill that one could take to turn them straight, would you take it?

I really took a long, deep and hard look at the question before I was able to answer.

My instant and off the top of my head, and perhaps, gut answer was YES. I would! Yes because life would be easier if I was a straight male! YES because masculinity, in this world, this lifetime and this current reality, is STILL power!

I have always advised young badettes I have come in contact with, who would tell me how they see their badingness as a 'crisis' or as a 'phase', how I wished them well, and hoped to the high heavens that they would resolve their confusion in favor of heterosexuality, rather than homosexuality. I always think that if you can not be strong enough, then you should not have any business being gay at all. Stay straight! For the life of you!

I know I will be getting a beating from the Homoactivists about this, but really, with all due respects, let me say that it has not been very easy for any of us PLU's no matter how 'blessed' we may have been. When friends would say of their sons or young boys "Hala, bata pa, nagbabadya na!" (So young yet showing signs of Homosexuality) I would always say "sana naman wag, (I fervently hope, he will not be).

I consider myself as someone who, well, relatively, had it easy on the 'growing up gay', thing. Maybe because I was bisexual and had meaningful relationships with girls, it was easier for me than most people to grow up gay and embrace fully my sexuality. I did not have the 'lublob dram' scene, nor got beaten shit less to 'masculinate' me nor got sent forcibly to some 'masculinating' activity such as the military, church or the local prosti den. Besides, I am not the effeminate sissy or cross dressing and I had natural interests in some 'non-gay' activities, such as roughing it out, mountain climbing/hiking, and other such stereotypical macho stuff. The only dead give away is my zero interest in playing basketball, which is a pinoy male thing. My non-alcoholic lifestyle is easily written off due to my allergy. My father would swear off that I am not gay, and would be very confused since I would bring home my girlfriends. Even if at one time, he said that he would never accept me being gay, and I answered him, I do not need you to accept my being gay or anything, I am just informing you that I am, end of conversation.

My story is really simple. I do not even attribute my being gay to a traumatic past. I was not a molested child. Though I was a battered kid under an uber disciplinarian Dad, his emotional absence was never a reason for me to have been gay. It was never a crisis for me and I have never undergone the whole disbelief/rejection/fighting it/bargain stages of grief thinggie. I just had an epiphany and my 'outing mantra' has always been this: "If two people understand each other, enjoy each other, would like to be together and love each other, why should it stop them from being together just because they are of the same sex?"

I have never also wanted to be a girl. I am not one to say "I am a woman trapped in a man's body." I'd rather say I am a man open enough to understand that sometimes you just want Dick. As I have said, I never wanted to be a girl. I like my Dick, and the things I can do with it. I do not have a revulsion towards the vagina. In fact, I like them. I get turned on by a curvaceous sexy little thing! Big boobs give me a pecker. I equally get aroused by girly strip tease and macho dancing grooves. I even warn some of my close female friends not to get too chummy with me because if they hug me and I get a boner, its not my fault... blame hormones.

Now, on to the question. Do I wanna ungay myself and take the pill? As I have said, it is never easy to be gay; most especially be a bisexual gay. If you have a jealous partner, you are in for a rut! You can not look at other men, nor can you look at other women! Double Jeopardy, I should say. DO not get me wrong. For me, bisexuality has never been and should never be an excuse for infidelity. If I have a boyfriend, I do not take on other girls. Same as when I have a girlfriend, it does not give me a license to have a boyfriend on the sides.

Reading the blog HERE, the author posits that the reason he does not want to take the pill is because he does not want to trade and lose his current relationship with his lover at the moment. AWWWW Kilig kilig and sickeningly and sugary sweet indeed! Sheesh! I wish I had that same excuse not to take the pill.

Now, after everything has been considered, does anything change my answer?
Proudly, YES!
And my final answer would be... NO I would not take it.
It would be nice and easy to just give in to the urge to make things and life easier but, No, I wouldn't have it any other way. I have come so far and I would not want it any other way.

I am not heterophobic because even if I do not see myself in a serious relationship with a straight male, I still have real and meaningful friendships with the heterosexual male types and they are wonderful wonderful creatures, but I do not think I would be what I am right now if I was not gay. My great great friends would perhaps be not my friends if I was straight. My passions would not have been mine if I was not gay. My drive and my raison de etre's would not be so if I was not gay. My crystal clear convictions would not have been as crystal clear had I not been gay. I wouldn't be where I am right now if I wasn't gay. My homosexuality is not merely a matter of sexual preference.

In short... I wouldn't be ME if I wasn't GAY.

I remember a dear old friend. He was a college professor and we spent wonderful times talking with each other. He lived as a Tibetan Monk and would have been a Grand Acharia (Whatever that means or spelled) before he went back to a 'normal' life when he fell in love with his wife. there is this dance, according to him, that would 'ungay' someone. It is a ritual dance that warriors would do before going to battle. It was called the "TANDAVA". It was a dance that would purportedly increase the production of the male hormone Testosterone. It was, according to him an ancient ritual dance with skulls and daggers, and if taught properly, would eventually 'ungay' a person by increasing his Testosterone and aligning his consciousness to the Masculine Force.

He said that this dance was purportedly taught by Lord SHIVA himself. He also warned me that although some still dance the Tandava, like some members of the Ananda Marga, this is but a 'watered-down' version of the original mystic dance. He said he would guide me and teach me to do it properly should I decide to 'ungay' myself. I remember myself saying no to him. I was and still am happy with what I am then, but I really really gave the offer much thought. He still reminds me every now and then that should I change my mind, the offer still stands. He said that if at any time I feel my homosexuality is causing me unhappiness and I want to 'ungay' myself, he will still be willing to help me. I believe him actually, because he taught me a meditative technique that I still use and is very effective. He told me that this is a meditation technique used by the Monks themselves, in order for them to maintain a prayerful, and almost 'sleepless' life. Done properly, 30 minutes of this meditation technique is equivalent to 8 hours of full sleep. Yes, it does work and has served me well. SO I believe he can teach me the Tandava to Un gay me.

BUT No, thanks. I am happy being me... GAY!

There has been so much study, research, debates and speculations on how the 'gay phenomenon' really is. Some say it has been there since time immemorial, and just not in public view at that time, and simply neglected. Maybe its genetic. Maybe its environmental. Maybe its a choice. Maybe its a triggered reaction. Maybe we're born 'it' or with it. Maybe its Maybeline!

To add to the fray I always say that I think homosexuality is an evolutionary thing. We Homosexuals are the next step in evolution. After all, nature is a sentient being. With the boom of population and worldwide hunger and depletion of resources, Mother Nature did some tweakings of her own to fight it and avoid ultimate destruction. Population rates have to lessen and birthrates have to decline. thus there are storms, typhoons and other 'tragic' catastrophes that eliminate human lives by the thousands. In the same light, thus, FAIRIES were born.

I know it's a bit far off and reek of sci-fi addiction, but hey, I bet the Stone Age man would have the same reaction if he ever thought of the "modern man!" Come on! You know I have a point there! You know that it's sound logic, don't you?

So please, step back, lowly evolved human beings. Make way for the next step in the evolution ladder! Step back and bow before Nature's most potent Force!

As for the 'Ungaying Pill,' thanks but no, thanks... Try selling it to my father. I'm sure he will but it by the crates and try slipping one in my drink! Tee Hee!

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Ming Meows said...

there will never an existing un-gay pill. a gay pill perhaps.

Mr. Komplikado said...

I think I would do the same. I will take the pill. =)

elmot said...

ahahha! i really enjoyed reading your post and the evolution of the person that you are.

masculinity especially in our country is power. in a nation where most have a chauvanistic orientation, being a homosexual is something unacceptable. but for heaven's sake, this is the 21st century!

acceptance is the key. to hell with all the eyes the probe around.

cb :: 林偉文 said...

very well said. :D it all boils down to whether u think homosexuality is a choice or not. i don't think it's a choice. some people want to "un-gay" themselves as though it were that easy. acceptance is a bitch but it's the answer to almost everything.