Advers(us)sarial Summer 10
By: Bryan Mari Argos and Luis Batchoy
For a change this week, this column’s format will be in a form of an adver(su)sarial. Since summer is here and almost over, some of your brain cells get crisp fried by the blazing sun, so I pulled up an extra brain. This week’s column is co-written by my ka dynamic duo Luis Batchoy. Here are ten things we love/hate about summer.
We’re trying out this format for the first time, and if it works, we might have more of this. Fun! Here goes.
10. The Summer Sun!
Luis: I just love the summer sun. Hot fierce, and blazing! It kicks the blues away. I love how the world becomes one big burst of energy. You simply have to pick your beat up, since the mighty ruler of the skies is in his finest. Emo mood just melts in the smoldering blaze, and it’s not hard to beam in and say, ‘Hey! I’m a burst of sunshine.’
Bryan: I don’t know about you Luis, but I just hate the summer sun; foremost, because I will have to wear more cologne not only for myself but also for other people who don’t bother to do so themselves; and well, I guess you would agree with me if I said that I love the rain better. I hate the summer sun because I hate wearing greasy sunscreen and wide-brimmed hats (not that, hindi bagay sa akin, but just imagine me with a wide-brimmed hat – hmmm, Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Rose Dawson? Calendar Girls? Duh?).
9. Summer Fruits
Luis: I hate how the term summer or tropical drink necessarily includes pineapples! I hate pineapples! The taste is so-so. Even fresh pineapples, I can live without. I hate how everything you drink turns bitter after eating pineapples, and you poop a lot because of pineapples’ fibers and laxative effect. As to watermelons, well I engorge the first time it becomes available as early as December.
8. Lazy Stretch
Luis: I love how summer days stretch lazily extending to forever, and languid summer nights seem to never end. I love the way no one could rush you for anything. It’s the summer and usually, its vacation time for most of the population. Hard work and summers just don’t go together, unless you work for a resort or a summer business place.
7. Summer Flowers
Luis: I hate summer blooms! The cheery sunny blah blah is just so… so… sickeningly sugary-sweet, dripping blah! I do not fancy being given a flower garland or lei with matching swaying of the hips and customary ‘Aloha’ upon hitting a summer spot. Flowers are best enjoyed during the gloomy rains where they color the dark dreary days. With the skyrocketing prices for flowers nowadays, and the way the sun zaps these flowers dry quicker, making them wilt faster is a no-brainer reason for hating summer.
6. Culture Galore
Luis: Summertime in the
5. Summer Markets
Luis: I hate the smelter in markets during the summer; for me, the mall is the place to be at this time, especially with their round the clock air conditioning. Unlike in the markets, you don’t get scalped with prices and measurements at the malls, plus, you get the same kind of produce anyway, sometimes even better. I do not want to strike an argument with a ‘sanduko’ wielding market vendor if and when I discover I am being cheated by a ‘loaded’ kilohan. I’d rather say, “I’d like a word with your manager!”
4. Summer Fling
Luis: Parties are legendary during summer. All that pent-up heat gets released on the dance floor, whether it be at the beach on a hot sultry night, or in an air-conditioned dance club. Romance is afoot, and a summer fling is inevitable, sweet, hot and short, just like the song “One night only!” If, however, like me, this is not your scene, then walks on the beach with that special someone, hand in hand, and admiring the expanse of the beach is the thing to do! There is never any other time to best fall in love than on a hot summer night. In the unfortunate event that, again, like me, you are loveless on a summer, then it is best to sweat away the loneliness on the dance floor, and just swing it! Hey DJ, groove me!
Bryan: I hate summer flings, I don’t dance, I never dance, I have two left feet, and I am happy that I was born with them; at least I would not have to contend with smelly arm pits or sweaty ‘hita’ that some would misconstrue as love born on the dance floor. You gotta be sick to think that getting in bed with someone who has alcohol breath and caked up sweat on his sleeves is love, gross! There are better ‘things’ out there, better than getting my feet stamped because I just can’t dance, and it’s not my fault, and I love it that I can’t dance.
3. Summer Bonus!
Luis: I hate summer expenses. All the partying and travelling tends to burn a hole in your pocket and that’s just drats! There is just so much things to do on a summer and so many places to go to that there is never enough cash! I hate how summer sees diminishing figures in my bank account. Sheesh!
Luis: I love summer dress ups! Loose, airy and casual. It’s the perfect time to whip up that “I’m a beach bum” look. It’s the best time to wear loose casual clothing, laid-back shorts, and comfy tsinelas. Less is more in summertime. I am just talking about the state of dress. Do not make me begin to talk about the state of ‘un-dress’ people have during summer. No matter what body types you like ogling at, there is really something to ogle at come summertime. It’s not really the flesh or show of skin… it’s the… well… okay! Skin! Hehehehe! Gi’mme my sweet, sweaty, chubby, bouncing along in summer dress ups! Sizzling!
1. BEACH, BEACH, BEACH!!!!!!!!
Luis: I HATE IT! I HATE IT THAT YOU SAID THAT BEFORE I DID! Ano pa nahulat mo? Dali na! WATER FUN!!!!!!!!!!!! Splash me!
Well it was so much fun to write the whole article... maybe we will be doing more of this soon in his future columns