Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Night and Morning Before the Bash



March 31

The day before, tulog ako. Ayoko na sanang lumabas kasi nga, birthday ko na kinabukasan. Pero nangungulit ang isa kong super close na Panyero nung gabi. Timing din naman, merong bidyokehan session ang Le Famille Extensions sa same complex kung asan sila Panyero. Fly naman ako. Lagarista ang drama. Happy si Panyero. Pumatak ang alas dose, at nagbirthday nga ako kasama yung mga law school buddies ko, na sadly, uunahan na ako kasi gumradweyt na this March. Oh well, mauna man kayo, I still say, "See You In Court!" Naloka ako sa lagari session na ginawa ko kasi, akyat manaog ako sa dalawang grupong pinagsabay kong samahan. Pero mas naloka ako sa naisip na kagimikan ng mga law school buddies ko. Gusto nila akong kunan ng babae that night! Torohan ang gusto nilang mangyari at ako ang bida! Watdapakenshet!

Not that I can not or will not do it, pero hindi ko close ang ibang nandun and this shindig is their night, not mine. Nagkataon lang na sumabay ang pagpatak ng birthday ko. Buti na lang nireskyu ako ni Panyero. Napaka improper naman kasi ng ganun eh! Haller, birthday ko at lahat, gawin ba naman akong turero for their sheer viewing pleasure? So Roman Gladiator, porn version! Hinatid ako ng isang di ko masyado pinapansin na classmate. Mas lalo akong nawindang sa sumunod na eksena.

OLSC (stands for Obscure Law School Classmate): Dude! Buti na lang di ka pumayag sa dare nila kanina no!

Me: Ewan ko ba kung bakit napagdiskitahan ako ng mga yon. Di ko alam kung insulto or what.

OLSC: Insulto? In what way?

Me: Parang it's a no-win kasi eh. If I say yes, nakakahiya at napaka improper naman nun. Lalabas nun, bastos ako at malaswang manyak. If I say no, lalabas naman na faint hearted ako at kill joy. Iisipin naman nila, ayoko talaga ng babae.

OLSC: Buti na lang di ka pumayag talaga.

Me: Buti na lang kamo sinalba ako ni Panyero dun kanina eh.

OLSC: Buti talaga, di ka pumayag. Kasi kung pumayag ka, masasaktan ako. At saka, bukambibig mo lagi si Panyero ah. Kaya siguro di mo napapansin ang iba eh.

Me: Ha? Ahmmm dude, jan lang ako sa kanto. Ingat sa pag dadrayb ha. Lasing ka na yata talaga eh. Naparami yata inom mo kanina eh.

SHET! Ano yun?!?!?!?

I was planning to go to church to pray that morning to Thank my Christian God for another year and for all the blessings. Umalis ako ng bahay at naglakad lakad lang kasi malapit naman ang simbahan from where I live. Nagyoyosi ako habang naglalakad, on the side approaching traffic. Malayo pa lang nakita ko na. Hindi ko naman pinansin agad kasi, company car ang dala nya, at hindi nag iisa ang ganung sasakyan sa City. Mga tatlo yata o apat ang ganun ang sasakyan. When it passed me by, lumingon ako. Nag stop. Gumilid, at nag pull over. POTAH! Sya nga talaga.

SYA!

I walked towards the car. Nagliligpit sya ng passenger side seat. Shet! Isasakay ako?

RS ( for Road Sign): Hey! Luis! Where are you headed to? GOD! I missed you!
Mental Note - Mukha syang ngarag at pumangit by 10,000 points.

Me: Hi. Jan lang sa simbahan.

RS: Happy Birthday nga pala. Lalo kang gumagwapo ah!
Mental Note - Hala! Naalala. Minsan ko lang sinabi sa kanya ah! Naman no! Gugwapo pang lalo! KAFAL!

Me: You remembered! Thanks!

RS: I do! I remember everything about you. Ahmmm...Im sorry about

Me: (Interrupting him) No, no need to say sorry. I understand. By the way yung kulambo pala that I left when I last slept over...

RS: Ahmm... Pedeng wag mo na lang kunin? Pedeng dun na lang muna yon? I told you, I remember everything... Everything Luis.

Me: Oh, I see. You do. That's why you suddenly disappeared. Kuntento ka na sa remembering.
Mental Note - Bite it, Luis! Birthday mo. Nasa gilid kayo ng kalsada. Down Beeyotch!

RS: I'm sorry... So, can I see you later? Or can we have lunch or something? It's your birthday after all. (And before I could answer) I will call you, please, don't text muna sa number ko. May humahawak kasi nun eh.

Me: Ah! So that explains it. May jowa ka na pala eh. Why bother with lunch?

RS: (Medyo pained ang mukha) Nagkabalikan kasi kami eh.
Mental Note - What a loser! Eh sya tong reklamo na di na nya kaya yung ex na yon kaya nya binreyk eh. Kesyo demanding at pineperahan daw sya and all. Bakit bumalik sya dun?

Me: Don't worry. I have no intentions. I think you have to go now. You're off to work, right?

RS: Sorry talaga. Ahmmm... I missed you, really. Don't I get to hug you, or at least give you a birthday kiss?
Mental Note - SNAP! No more Mr. Nice Guy!

Me: OH! Just a hug and a kiss? That's all you want? Birthday ko pa naman. I was planning to give you a long, hard f*ck. Sayang! A hug and a kiss it is.

I quickly kissed him, right there and then. In broad daylight. Long and hard, to show him what he's missing. It took him three seconds to recover from the initial shock. He kissed back firecely, hugged me tighter, and yes, Batchoy Denizens, tight enough to feel his growing erection. He DID, miss me!

Me: I have to go. Bye...

RS: God! You really are something else! Maswerte ang taong makakapgsabing kanya ka!

Me: I know! Too bad, you let your chance up, and will never have it again. Not in this lifetime. You take good care okay? Work harder now. He needs all the money he can get from you. I mean, help... Have to go now, really. I gotta have me a Happy Birthday. Bye!

I turned my back, walked to the church, and finally put a sign up for him, alongside the DEAD END SIGN.




Now where was, I? Oh, yeah, I was gonna have me my Happy Birthday...

Photo Credits:


http://drew06.com/
http://davebirss.wordpress.com/2007/10/24/a-slight-change-of-direction/time-for-a-u-turn/

8 comments:

Dawn said...

I love it!! I love It!!! I love it!!!!


I love it. Period.

For that... I-process with a cup of coffee!!!!

:: cb :: said...

haburday!!!

Aris said...

tarayful! punumpuno ng drama ang first hour ng birthday mo. hayjazlavet!

happy birthday again, my dear friend! mwah! mwah! :)

Yj said...

hahahahaha...... nakuwento mo na sa text, sa chat.... hanggang dito sa blog napapatambling parin ako....

hahaha happy birthday....ulit!!! muahz

the donG said...

belated happy birthday!

karakrus said...

hapi bertdey batchoyboi/luis... hehehe! bongga naman pala ang berdey mez. kakabugin dala-dalawa kagad nyahahaha! kung magpapakangkang ka siguro sa lahat ng magpapakita ng motibo sau maoospital ka sa pagod. nyahahaha! kabog!

tarayful effect!

Luis Batchoy said...

dawn: you do! Full story up next on kofi nights! See yah soonest mare!


cb: tenkya so much!


aris: salamuch po. Miss ko na ang reyna ng BED!

Luis Batchoy said...

yj: Ay naku atcheng. Bakit kaya ganun sila no?


dong: thanks for the greetings



kara: gone are the days na kind and giving ako. Nakakapagod din naman kung alam mong katawan mo lang ang habol nila. Chos! Hehehehe