Tuesday, March 3, 2009
You were like a drop of rain after the harsh hot and arid desert; a sliver of heaven after being through the bowels of hell. The way your eyes twinkled with intelligence and your deep rumbling laughter echoed through the empty recesses in my heart. Your touch brought warmth to the cold dark forgotten corners of my soul. My friend told me how smitten I was by you. How, I was a kid, lost in wide eyed wonder at Toy Kingdom. Oh, how you fit in the curve of my arms, and how your arms feel right wherever you fancy anchoring it; my shoulders, on my hips, or wrapped around my neck, as you draw me in for a kiss. And your kisses! GOD your kisses! They fanned the embers of an almost long gone fire, and now it has blazed into conflagrations and biblical proportions that sear my very being. The urgent little kisses you bestow upon my sleeping body is more potent than the moon itself in drawing tides that would shame great tsunamis. What really reeled me in is that promise in you; that glimpse of eternity with you.
Then you said, you find us too fast and you are overwhelmed that you need to take a breather. I can't blame you. Instead, let me tell you that were on the same boat. I too am overwhelmed by you. However, maybe I'm just braver. I do not really like roller coaster rides in real life, but maybe I'm made this way. I do not blame you. I admit that I am very intense and I could be overwhelming for people, but I have no remorse nor apologies to offer you. Instead, I'd tell you that you ai'nt seen nothing yet. You ask me if I'm always this sweet, this much, this intense. I answered you, that there is only one way to find out. Stay.
I am tempted to agree with you, but I'm sorry, my speedometer is broken and yes, I am a speed devil. Again, I am unapologetic. As I have said, you aint seen nothing yet. Nevertheless, I respect what you feel. This is the slowest I could get, and to start with, I do not know the word slow. My friend asked me why the rush? I can only say Carpe Diem! She said this is not all about me. She's right. Then again, in respect to you, go take your breather and catch your breath. However, deep inside, I see the road signs. I feel us being through before we can even get started. You radiate these fears and these doubts. I feel them resonate. I do not like that portents that I see, but yes, I have to hit on the brakes. It would be needless to say that I have been through this road a thousand times before, and yes, I see the end of us coming very fast to sidesweep me and leave me sprawled on the concrete; roadkill yet again. Deep in the deepest sanctums of my heart I pray though, like I have never prayed before, that you will just take your deep breath and get back on the road and be on our ride to forever.
Dearest one, it breaks my heart, but I'm trying to be okay. I have heard those words before, and I know the maneuvers all too well. Since part of my prayers have been asnwered when we found each other, I'm hoping against hope that somehow, the final part that asks for you to stay would be heard and granted, too. If not, then I would find me on the road again, drowning in my own misery as much as my battered car drowns sometimes. Please, be different. Be the difference that I am looking for. If it's not too much to ask, please, get back into my arms. Stop my wishing and hoping. I'm tired of them. Lets just zoom away.
So take your breather. Get all the air you could get. I can not promise you that I will not overwhelm you once you get back. You happen to push all the right buttons, so I overflow. If not, then perhaps, thank you for hitch hiking. So many rides, so many motorists, so many pedestrians. I just hope you'd let me drive in to the garage, hang up my driving boots, and say goodbye to my life in the fast lane. I may have crashed and burned, but somehow, I'm still road legal. You know that I do not believe in "somewhere down the road. If you have to love me, love me now. Right here, right now, all or nothing, now or never.
I miss you... more than I ever let on or let you know. I do.
" I like the road sign that says dead end. I think it is very kind. At least, it has the decency to tell you that you are not going anywhere anymore."