Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Instead of Making Me Better

My friends ask me what is it with me and endings. Why do I desire closures? In defense I told them that I do not really "desire" closures. In fact, closures, for me, are selfish things. You really want it just for reasons that would benefit you, above everyone else. Do not get me wrong. There were relationships that did not have closures with me, and I still think that some of them are better left as they are. Well, okay, some of them do not even deserve the dignity of a closure. I wouldn't even dignify them with a piece of 'remorse' from my end. Then, one of my friends exclaimed...

"Aha! I think I know what's with Luis and endings!" We all looked at him.

"Eh di ba nga, writer sya? Siguro ganun! Di ba nga kasi, pag nagsusulat ka ng storya, kailangan matapos mo ng magaling?"

He does have a point there. I believe that with fiction, endings should be powerful. Whether it would move you to silent introspection, blast you away completely, leave you in a jam, or plainly tie nicely all the loose ends, or come full circle with the tale and it's telling, an ending should be nothing less but a final masterful stroke. The only difference with stories and relationships is that, in real life, there is really no such thing as a "good" ending. For whatever they're worth, endings are really bad in a way, and somehow, after everything's been said and done, it still leaves you with a shred spirit and a tear or two - or maybe it's just me. I'm glad that even if I may not be entirely good at endings in real life, at least I can concoct powerful ones in my fiction.

Just like the stories I write, there were endings that 'succeeded' and there were those that did not. Anyhoot, what I am actually getting at is really simple...

This song is for you...Yes, you, kiddo...you know who you are.




Just Like A Pill
Pink

Im lyin here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
Im crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun

I cant stay on your life support, theres a
Shortage in the switch,
I cant stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
Itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
Being a little bitch,
I think Ill get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear youre just like a pill
Instead of makin me better, you keep makin me
Ill
You keep makin me ill

I havent moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help

I cant stay on your life support, theres a
Shortage in the switch,
I cant stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
Itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
Being a little bitch,
I think Ill get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear youre just like a pill
Instead of makin me better, you keep makin me
Ill
You keep makin me ill

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear youre just like a pill
Instead of makin me better, you keep makin me
Ill
You keep makin me ill

I cant stay on your life support, theres a
Shortage in the switch,
I cant stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
Itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
Being a little bitch,
I think Ill get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear youre just like a pill
Instead of makin me better, you keep makin me
Ill
You keep makin me ill

11 comments:

biatch said...

ouch! but that's what life is all about di bala? you're right, there is no such thing as a "good" ending. What might be good for you might be so painful for the other and vice versa.

Dawn said...

I totally agree with this entry:

1) that closures are self-serving...
2) that there is no such thing as "good ending"...
3) and that this song ROCKS!!!!

Endings only happen in writting, but it doesn't necessarily follow in real Life. As what Luis said, there are some that needs closure and there are others that needs to be left as they are...

Reesie said...

aray nako... natamaan ako.. hehe

yeah, i agree..kahit sinabo mo na, it was a dignified ending , the memories, the heartaches, the could-have-been's and the should-have-been's are still there --kicking (hard) inside of you..

happy endings are just for fairy tales but i believe fairy tales sometimes do come true. :D

kiel said...

ako may good ending - at ito ay nangyayari kung na realise mo ang meaning ng relasyo o karaanasan na ito.

ang bad ending yung walang ibig sabihin sa yo yung tao o karanasan pagkatapos ng lahat.

Yj said...

good or not... the end is still the end and it's the only thing that validate whatever it is that transpired......

hindi ko naintindihan sinukat ko... basta yun na yun hehehehehe

parang kilala ko kung para kanino yan hahahahahaha

Luis Batchoy said...

biatch: hey hey! kakamiss ka ah...ganun nga lang talaga yon siguro teng

Dawn: so true! And we don't dwell...

yj: siguro nga yun na yun... huewll papel

Luis Batchoy said...

kiel: bad pa rin yun. Why just be a realization when it could have been mpre than that. So needless. Besides, with or without the experience, we would still be able to come to terms with whatever needs to be realized. Besides, I don't subscribe to the idea that we "learn" something in our relationships. As I have said, we would have come to terms on our own naman eh, but that's ur opinion. I respect that.

Dawn said...

usually, "good endings" are those relationships that we choose to move on from. Closure nga kasi it is self-serving, so tatapusin mu sya out of whatever conviction, belief, illusion or reason one needs to move on. Ergo, good sya kasi kusa sa loob ang pagtatapos..

"bad endings" on the other hand, simply means that it wasn't or isn't worth wasting energy on. "bad endings" usually happen when we realize twas a "bad" relationship in the first place. Meaning, complete waste of time energy and money(?). Closures at this point is no longer necessary kasi may threat pa na madugtungan ang dapat ay matagal nang tapos. Closure kasi on the other hand means you're still reaching out and making an effort, and many would translate that as still caring- kaya we choose not to "close" bad relationships.

Pwera na lang kung kagaya ko, nagclosure nga ako with a "bad" relationship pero uber one-sided. Specifically, side ko lang ang napakinggan wahahahahahahahahaha

Di ba Luis??? Now you gets why I had to put closure with "them"?? In the end, its all about influence and power!!!.. And my gad!! I have it in spades.

wahahahahahahaha!!!!

Luis Batchoy said...

basta... walang "good ending." Bakit ba? Bitter ako. And that's that! Hehehehehe... Ayoko na masyadong magpaka intelektwal at magpaka "kristyano." U f*cking broke my heart so you deserve to rot in hell! Etchos! Ayoko rin magpaka "grown up" or "mature!" Hehehehehe Bata batuta!

parteeboi said...

endings aren't that cruel at all, or, not all the time. i love endings, endings for me mean growth. of course, endings are really bitches, they are painful, but rewarding. baka naman sabihin mo im a masochist, di namna... i just always look at the brighter side of things, optimistic. and, i think it works for me. hmm... does it? ahehehe...

Luis Batchoy said...

partee: of course, it can be seen that way too. Does it nga ba? hehehehe