Thursday, November 6, 2008

After a Break UP

I'm glad that the lot who got broken up with are recovering very nicely now. A few crying episodes left over and a few bashing moments, but I am quite sure that they'd be good to go in no time at all. I am reposting in this blog an article I submitted and got published in a local paper, The News Today, Iloilo, months back. It was published under my own name, but for purposes of this blog, I will use my nom de plume. It's kinda longish but I hope you like it. Here's the article. Enjoy!

10 Things to Do After A Break-Up
By: Luis Batchoy

“When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad…
I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad”
-My Favorite Things
Julie Andrews
OST- The Sound of Music

So, you broke up? Shit hits the fan…It wasn’t you it was him, all right! He loves you but it’s not enough reason for him to stay! You saw him with someone else, he saw you with someone, two, three or four elseseses. He started singing “I love you goodbye” by Celine Dion on your last date, you sent him a polytone of The Corrs’ “I Never Really Loved You Anyway”. He sent you a stray text calling you Sugar Bun, when you were suppose to be Cupcake, you start calling her sistah, and end every SMS with a “Ya GoW gurl!” You just cut it nice, clean, and with surgical precision, as if it’s an every procedure like an appendectomy, or He simply vanishes into oblivion. How ever it is done, and what ever the reason for it, one glaring truth is evident. It’s Over! I won’t sugarcoat you dear readers with super charismatic and warm false hopes with lines like “it’s ok…he wil come to terms” or with an “if its meant to be its meant to be” or even a jologuicSige lang, damo pa da! ( It's ok, there are still many of them out there)” like as if loving was going to an eat all you can buffet dinner and picking out whatever you want, when you want it. Let me give you my list of 10 things to do, that most sane people, including your well meaning friends, would not advise you to do. Or would they! These are ten common things people do after a break up. I just tried to give it a little twist and tweak…See if they work

Be it a sob fest, and all night thrashing gnashing b*tching, or an award winning silent suffering while allowing just a single tear to fall from your right eye, 45 degrees to the left, trailing past your cheeks but never reaching the lip line – just wallow! Feel the pain! Feel the hurt! Feel the anguish! Yes! It is his fault! Yes he was such a pig! Yes she was such a sl*t! and yes! You are a mess… Go ahead! Indulge! Coz it won’t be long! The twist: None of these should come from you. Coerce your best friend to do this for you. After all he/she is your best friend…he/she should know every pain you are going through. Try role reversals…he wallows and weep, you console. Nice theater exercise!

Nothing beats belting out the blues away. Sing victim songs, heart wrenching songs, and shout I love you Araneta! Let it all out! Your heartbreak might catapult you to greater vocal heights. The twist: Limit yourself to foreign language songs…and nope, English and Philippine languages are not included… Try Polynesian Folk Songs…Italian Operatic Arias, or perhaps Korean Kiddie Songs…Try it! It works, I swear! All together now…Voltes neku fight to win subete o kakete!

Rebounding they say is a very important thing. It has healthy social functions. So get in there and date people. Discover others, and perhaps, be on your way to falling in love again. The twist: Do it for your single friend, not for you. Set up a friend with someone. Sounds easy you say? How about setting up your straight girl pal with another girl? Now that’s more like it. After all, people should be enlightened about alternative sexualities and relationship. Let’s see you succeed at this one!

Channel your energies into positive activities. Cooking is therapeutic, not to mention rewarding and is a valuable skill. Whip up a storm in the kitchen and unleash the iron chef in you. The twist: Iron chef it is! Stick to one ingredient and prepare a five-course meal using that ingredient in all your dishes. Choose one ingredient and choose well. Example: Turnips (singkamas), alugbati, chippy, yakult, balut, gummy bears, Korean green tea, your pet. Ask your friends to judge your skills and expertise.

The benefits of reading go without further explanations. It has been one enduring activity that a paperless society simply wouldn’t be possible, if only for this one singular activity; reading books. Go discover mysteries beyond and travel the world without leaving your sofa. Feed the worm; the bookworm that is. The Twist: Read highly technical and scientific treatises. Learn the intricacies of the stock market and read the wall street journal. Go legal and check out the Supreme Court Reports Annotated (SCRA) a year at a time. Decode the secrets of the Celestine Prophecies. Draw the parallels of faith from the Bhagavad Gita. The farthest the topic is from your field of interest, the better. Thermodynamics, nuclear and quantum physics, statistical analysis applied to psychosocial and anthropological aspects.

Satisfy your wanderlust! The world is your oyster! Get out of that chair and explore! There is a world at large and the truth is out there says agent Mulder. Pack your bags and get out there. The Twist: No Paris for you darling. That’s just too much. Traveling is expensive and it requires time. You may not have both of that, but that doesn’t mean you can not discover the world. There IS somewhere to go to however. See, this is what makes the Philippine Government a unique political structure. To the Barangay we go! Not your Barangay, mind you! Try exploring the exciting mix of people in Barangay San Vicente, Jaro. Know the officials, get friendly with the locals. Where do they hang out? Whats the favored sari-sari store? Try to see the situation in Barangay Ingore, Lapaz and check the people’s pulse regarding the coal-fired power plant issue. See how people are doing in Brangay Lopez Janea, Jaro. Discover intimacies of the people’s lives in Barangay Rima, Rizal. There are 180 barangays in the city of Iloilo. I'm sure, you’ll get over the break up before you can even finish visiting a quarter of them.

There is no better way to get over a hanging depression than to fill your gut with some great food. Studies show that food can actually stimulate the reward centers in the brain and trigger an epinephrine rush thus giving you a light, fuzzy, satisfying feeling that is almost a lot like love. Try chocolate for starters. The Twist: Dine somewhere you’ve never dined in before. Try the central market and get your fill of tasty animal entrails. Eat everything that’s ‘bawal’ for your diet or whatever meal regimen you are keeping – if you hate raw food, try sashimi. Go vegan for the day if you’re big on the meat or the other way around. Go to a candy shop and pick out the weirdest confection you see such as black licorice sticks or vampire fangs. Try other new delicacies like garlic ice cream, kalabasa shake, nachos with ampalaya salsa or beet guacamole.

Turn to God for all your needs and problems. Tell Him everything because He will always say, ‘This too shall pass…’ Now, isn’t that stylish? Imagine your pig of an ex going down in a great flood! Perfect! After all, he is wicked and the Bible said, ‘and God shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery abyss!’ Now, isn’t that great? Leave it all up to the Lord, ‘vengeance is mine,’ said the Lord, after all. Pray for his poor unfortunate soul – pray that it doesn’t get any further than purgatory. The Twist: Try Kali Ma, perhaps some cannibalism would help you get over his bones and sagging flesh; the Aztec Pantheon is replete with vengeful and exacting gods like Xipe Totec who wears the skins of his victims as armour. Since the Christian god has already promised that He will never again smite the Human race with a deluge, then turn to the Incan god Pachacamac to do the job. Pacha sila tanan! Unaha gid siya! Perhaps you can also ask Tohil, the Mayan god of fire and sacrifices to accept your offering of his boiled guts and that thing he calls his heart! Oh great Tohil, send down your righteous furies kag Tohil-a cya! If you’d rather do it yourself, learn Hoodoo or assert your cultural identity, discover your roots and ask your gramps how to ‘barang or hiwit’ someone.

Go out and don’t be afraid to tell others about how you feel. Most of the time, those you share your feelings with have something really enlightening to share. These are what friends are for; to lighten the load. Go ahead…exhale. The Twist: Remember your elementary guidance counselor? Let’s see what she has to say about this one. She’s quite fond of you way back then, right? If not, so much the better! Remember that religion teacher? The one who always advised you to tell God your problems? Seek her out! How about that dear darling parish priest? Let’s see what he has to say about your premarital activities or your gay relationship. Seek out an ex of that ex. The bitterest of the lot! What has she got to say? How did she move on?

This is my favorite thing! It beats raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, or any brown paper packages tied up with string! Only if that brown paper package contains the bastard’s cheating heart of course! Go creative. Go write a poem, a blog, a journal entry, what have you! You might win the Palanca Awards for Creative Non Fiction! The Twist: Top this list…it’s very very effective…Trust me, I just did and it felt like silver white winters that melt in to springs and move on to hot scorching summers that burn exes to a crisp! This indeed is my favorite thing! ‘Nuff said! Coffee anyone? Tell me your break up story. Gripe with me! Off with their heads!

Well, there you go... hope you had fun!

Photo Credits:


Lance said...

very nice suggestion..
let's enjoy the sweet stuff between life's complicated moments and their consequences..

Luis Batchoy said...

lol @ lance. It's really not that complicated. We just see it that way, and make it that way. Sweet ba to? Eh medyo bitter nga eh. Hehehehe