How to #3

Read How to #1 and How to #2 first.


Upon the drawing of the small hours, I was thankful for the improved peace and quiet at the coffee shop. Most people were actually having coffee there instead of downing can after can of beer. Just when I thought that there would be a chance to actually modify and edit all poems I wrote for the folio, this odd Korean pair sat at the table across me, hence a third episode, and a third poem. When the poem was written, I reckon it's about time I got home. I have had enough episodes for the day. Even Miss Melanie Marquez is quoted to have been wary of fourth episodes, as she said "You can fool me once, you can fool me twice; you can even fool me thrice - but you can never fool me four!

These "how to" poems are getting addicting so this has to be the last one, for now at least.

How to Figure Out if a Korean Late Worm/Early Bird
is Trying to Pick You Up at a Coffee Shop
By Luis Batchoy

He and his friend are either
Early birds, too early
For the day's start,
Or late worms
For the day's end
But after all, you do
Defy definitions as well.
So smile - a lot, especially
Every time he glances at you.
Sweeter, sultrier, sexier;
Notice how he huddles and confers
With his Korean companion
Who is actually more your type,
And wish he'd eye you more than this one does.
Now, brace yourself as he approaches
To make small talk, in his very awkward,
English, and pathetic conversational skills.
At least, be thankful that he does not
Shove an electronic dictionary right at you,
And that at least he has twice the balls
In the flirtation department, as compared to
Your own countrymen, in your earlier encounters.
Decode the usual questions he asks you,
Of why you are alone, and what
You seem to be doing intently, and analyze
Whether this must be some come-on,
Or some pick up line back where he comes from.
Then, ask him questions, too,
Of what his name is, how long has he been in the city
And how does he find your city so far?
Or if he'd like you to improve dramatically
His opinion of your city, then smile
At your witty come-on and pick up line.
Do not expect a coherent answer
And trust that he did not get your
Come-on and witty pick up line.
Quit trying to word carefully that burning itch
To ask him questions point blank;
If he is gay, or whether he likes you,
Or would he want to take you home, vice-versa,
Don't even start asking him,
In whatever way if he would want
To suck your dick, or vice versa!
Then, before exasperation sets in, marvel
At how language could connect
And disconnect, and how
Lust as a necessity, tries to work
In breaking barriers across datelines.
Then, give up on the conversation.
Resume the non-verbal communication
Of smiling and nodding at each other
And be comforted with the fact
That he did not necessarily word
His suspicion that you
Are a pimp who could get him
A whore for the night, even if
He would call it 'girlfriend,'
And how you really don't like

Kimchi.
Now make a mental note
To learn how to say in Korean,
"Bullshit"

Photo Credits:


http://www.asia-planet.net/korea/traditional-clothing.htm
http://iml.jou.ufl.edu/projects/STUDENTS/Hwang/kimchi3.htm