Thursday, October 23, 2008

Pit Stop

Hayniken! Another one bites the dust. It feels like the Pitstops, sans the stop... just the pits!
After classes, I would usually go straight to work, for duty in the evening and after that, I would go grab me my night mug at my favored coffee shop. Usually, I would find friends in the shop, and I would join with them. I was a bit tired and I decided to go home early. I finished my coffee and I was about to leave, when suddenly, a law school panyero shows up without any warning. Usually, he would text first to check if I was at the shop, or we would agree in school to go grab coffee after he brings his girlfriend home. I was surprised, since, lately, I haven't been with him for coffee or study together. I knew he was having problems with his girlfriend. He showed up with knit eyebrows, but very sad eyes. He wanted us to drive around, which we usually do when he wants to get something out of his chest. Before he even said anything I knew what was bothering him. They broke up... for the nth time! Actually, it was not really a break up. The official break up happened weeks ago, but they remained 'friends', and would argue non stop. I would learn about all the silly fights they're having every time, because he would come pour out his feelings to me. Maybe I'm such a magnet for misery, but I do care deeply for people.

So I paid for my coffee, as the group I was with was ready to leave anyway, and we drove around in my car. I listened to him and I tried my best not to be judgmental or put in any of my opinions unless he asks for it. I wanted to just listen to him. I could feel his heart so broken that I literally clutched at my own chest to check my own heart. I know that my heart has been broken lately too, and is healing quite nicely, but I just had to check because I feel it sympathize and almost hurt as bad as it did before. It didn't help either that his problems have so much similarities with what I had, and that, well maybe, the fact that we both are the sucky-losers that got broken up with and got left by the other party. Except of course that I did not become friends with my ex. I do not believe in making friends with exes. I could not, for the life of me, see myself being friends with someone I was romantically with before. Call me bitter, but really, I do not know how to change from being a lover to being a friend with the same person. I do not know how to reclassify or re-categorize romantic love to friendship. It'd just hurt me more, I know. I do not know how to be 'friends only' to some one I used to love. Besides, I already have a lot of friends.

Now I wonder. What's wrong with the times? First there was the scare on Global Warming. Then there's the financial crisis. Now this! This thing with break ups and crashed relationships. Whew! Even the weather cooperated with my panyero's misery. It rained so hard that we had to make a stop at a 24 hour grocery to grab some bites while waiting the rain out. We hung around in front of the store, ate, smoked and made small talk. I'm glad he did not ask me to go drink with him. Not that I won't go with him, but see, I don't drink. I'm a teetotaler. Even my car was cooperating with him, as it did not sound so good, and would chug out and die on us every so often. I really need to go to the Talyer. We got soaked by the rain nevertheless, and maybe that was a good thing. I didn't have to hug him. I hate being condescending. Not that I don't wanna hug him, but it gets to me that that's the most I can do to salve the battered heart he suffers from. Oh well... I really don't understand whats happening right now and I feel for those close to me. As I have done in the past... let me share to all of you in suffering my mantra, when I too, was experiencing the loss and the grief


and with that, here's a poem for the broken-hearted, especially for Panyero...

Ni Luis Batchoy

Kailangan ko na talagang pumunta sa talyer mamaya
Andami dami na kasi akong napapansing sira
Baka mamaya, titirik na lang sa kalsada bigla
At iiwanan ako dun pa sa pinakagitna

Palagay ko merong leak, patitignan ko
May nararamdaman kasi akong likido
Tulo lang ng tulo, malamang may tagas
Kaya siguro ambilis bilis ko maubusan ng gas

Pati yung wiper ipapaayos ko na rin
Umuulan ulan pa man din
Takaw disgrasya pag wala akong makita
Dahil babagal bagal magpahid ng basa

Sira din yata ang gasolinador ko
Ayaw kasi umusad kahit apakan ng todo
Damay na rin siguro ang preno
Tuloy tuloy lang kasi, at di ko kaagad agad maihinto.

Mas lalong kailangan matignan ang makina
Papalya palya na kasi at hinang hina.
Mukhang bibigay na, ansama sama ng tunog
Sa sobrang gamit, tiyak, kung bakit nabugbog.

Kailangan ko na talagang pumunta sa talyer mamaya
Andami dami na kasi akong napapansing sira
Nagsimula lang to nung iwanan mo ako kanina
Na nakatunganga sa gitna ng daan at nag iisa.

P.S: I wrote this when I too had my melancholia with a break up months back. I don't feel like translating it into English. Anyone wanna take a shot at it? My heart is out of the talyer and very street legal once more. I begin to get scared with the current wave of heart breaks around me that I feel I should drive my heart into the garage for the moment. Then again, what the heck! Anyone wanna road trip and take my heart out for a road test? Buckle Up!

Photo Credits:


Lyka Bergen said...

Another break-up?

Buckla up!

Luis Batchoy said...

yes... sabi ni bitoy... may isa na namang kumagat sa alikabok... sayang... si panyero ay...

hindi ko type! kaya comfort lang talaga ang pwedeng ibigay